Wooden Stake

“Firestorm” Johnathan Mills sits in a chair at a table at a motel breakfast area. He has a Belgian waffle sitting in front of him, though he has a wooden stake in his hands that he’s polishing with some oils. Jessie Love, AWF announcer and interviewer, takes up a seat across from Johnathan with a curious look in her eye.

Love: Johnathan Mills. Are you up for an interview about your upcoming match for the United States championship?

Johnathan looks at Jessie Love with a smile. He takes a bite of his waffle before going back to dipping a cloth into a container and polishing the wooden stake.

Mills: Sure, why not? I’ve got nothing to hide.

Love: Let’s start with what are you planning on doing with that wooden stake and what is it that you’re putting on it?

Johnathan holds the darkened wood out like it were a prize from a contest.

Mills: I’m anointing the wooden stake in holy oils for my upcoming match. I intend to use it against the vampire.

Love: Vampire? You know that’s a gimmick right? He’s a “vampiric wrestler” for the show!

Mills: This here stake will put an end to him.

Love: Are you an idiot? A stake through the heart would put an end to anyone. Mortal or not and Vincent Draven is a mortal!

Johnathan Mills sighs, setting the wooden stake onto the table. He takes another couple of bites of waffle before answering again.

Mills: Vampires are real. Draven is a vampire. I should take him out and win the match!

Love: If you kill Draven during the match, you’re not going to be awarded the win. You’ll be disqualified and arrested. You’ll spend the rest of your life in prison...or back to the asylum. Besides, what would you do about Bloodied Fox? He is also in the match, you know.

Mills: I’m going to wrestle him. Duh. I was planning on outwrestling Bloodied Fox and staking Draven through the heart. Destroy the vampire and defeat the man. It only makes sense. Well...it did make sense anyway.

Jessie Love rolls her eyes.

Love: It NEVER made sense, Mills! You think killing a wrestler is a good idea? It’s not!

Mills: Fine, fine, fine. I never made sense. I still think Draven’s a vampire though.

Love: He’s not. Don’t be dense. They said that you were smart.

Mills: Alright. He’s not a vampire. He’s still a madman when it comes to the ring. His wrestling move list is ever changing. It’s a fluid thing that constantly evolves into something ever more complicated. Not unlike myself, except I don’t use complicated moves. I admire him for his victory in AXW in becoming the final Undisputed champion.

Love: Any victory over Caffrey is something to be admired, yes.

Johnathan just smiles as he finishes off his waffle.

Love: But you can’t focus on Vincent Draven alone. You also face Bloodied Fox in the ring.

Mills: Fox is sort of full of himself, isn’t he? He’s a bit of a wordsmith when it comes to cutting promos, but kind of standard in the ring.

Love: Standard in the ring? He still won his way through to get to you and Draven.

Mills: I think that’s key to know. Me AND Draven. Fox can’t focus totally on me alone or else Draven will scoop him up like ice cream and steal away the win and the title.

Love: You’re going to focus on them both? Sounds equally disastrous.

Johnathan hefts his wooden stake for a moment, but Jessie Love just shakes her head. Johnathan smiles and replaces the stake back on the table.

Mills: Well, I had my plan of staking Draven and then focusing on Fox until you shot it full of holes like the Tifreakingtanic hitting an iceberg. I guess I’m going to have to try to convince Fox to help me focus on Draven to get him out of the way and then we can face each other like men.

Love: Like men? As opposed to-

Mills: As opposed to like boys or like mice or like anything other than men. Duh.

Love: You know that Bloodied Fox is gay? So his definition of fighting like men might be different than yours.

Johnathan raises an eyebrow.

Mills: And he’s taken. I’m sure he’s not a hoe so I have no concerns there. He’s not going to try to blow me during the match. He’s going to try to kick my butt and I him, once Draven is out of the way. You sure are weird.

Love: I’m not the one who thought Draven really was a vampire.

Mills: When he comes to suck your blood in the middle of the night, don’t come crying to me. In the meantime, I’m just going to face him like he’s an extraordinary wrestler. One that needs taken down a peg before me and Fox settle our differences.

Love: You and Fox have differences?

Johnathan just rolls his eyes.

Mills: You know what I mean.

Love: I suppose that I do. Well, that’s all the time that I allotted for this interview. See you in the ring, Mills.

Mills: Yup.

Johnathan Mills watches admiringly as Jessie Love walks away. He goes back to dabbing a rag into the small container of holy oils and goes back to polishing the wooden stake.

Mills: Good thing she isn’t the referee or else she might be mad when I use this here wooden stake on Draven.