Forgive me, mother, for I did not ask to be born (a 5o-Word Story for @jayna)
Forgive me, mother, for I did not ask to be born (a 5o-Word Story for @jayna)
Greetings, 50-worders and readers. This is my entry to @jayna's #fiftywords challenge.
This week’s prompt is “Forgive.” You can see the details of the challenge here: https://steemit.com/challenge/@jayna/fifty-wordstorychallengestorycollectionandnewprompt-1dxjzqqfqf
It was hard to understand why she hated us. I regret pretending to be asleep that night.
I felt her presence leaning over my brother next to me. "You too are a reminder of his disgusting stench," she whispered.
That explained our marks. I thought that happened in my nightmares.
Perdóname, madre, porque no pedí nacer (una historia en 5o palabras)
Fue duro entender por qué nos odiaba. Me arrepiento de haberme hecho el dormido esa noche.
Sentí su presencia inclinándose sobre mi hermano que dormía a mi lado. “Tú también jiedes a él”, susurró.
Eso explicaba nuestras marcas. Yo pensaba que eran sólo mis pesadillas.
These characters keep popping up after every prompt. The theme of forgiveness is complex when it comes to friends and acquaintances; but when it comes to family it becomes the source of legendary stories. I have always been intrigued by the hidden (unconscious?) grudges families keep. The ones from parents to children or vice-versa are for me the more fascinating. Their origin can be traced back to absurdly stupid events; but occasionally they are rooted in stories too tragic to accept.
Thanks for your reading. Looking forward to your comments.
Muy buena!... Demasiado bien contada desde el título hasta la última palabra. Saber decir tanto con tan poco es un arte que navega en las aguas del oficio con la misma fuerza que en las aguas de la sabiduría popular. Felicitaciones.
Muy halagado por tu apreciación, @tupamalo.
Great short story. Eventually those "marks" shape who we are .
Thanks for stopping by. Indeed they do. And they tend to replicate down future generations... Assuming that particular generation should go on. :)
Oh wow, this one's really powerful. You did an amazing job distilling it all down to fifty words.
Thanks, @sidequest. Good to have you over here.
This is sad, @hlezama. But it does show the complexity of relationships and how a bitter heart can cause so much pain for everyone in that person’s sphere.
Absolutely. There's no measure to the harm unresolved truamas can do. Thanks for your visit, @jayna. I'll continue my tour aroud fifty-worders later. Just coming from doctor (my wife needed to be told my the gastroenterologist that teachers can't get sick unless they know a good herbologist; modern medicine is beyond their reach).
Oh, I forgot to mention by the way, please be sure to use images under Creative Commons license (or ones that belong to you, or that you have received permission to use), and please always attribute the images properly, as described in the prompt post. Thank you! (Pinterest images are not under creative commons licensing.)
Hola, @hlezama. No sé si convendrá hacer un comentario a partir de una traducción automática hecha por Google. Debo decirte que tu breve texto me impactó. Concentras en él la fuerza del sinsentido y el drama de la vida, con un estilo y lenguaje tan eficaz como paralizante. Saludos.
Saludos, @josemalavem. Muy complacido con tu comentario. Son muchas las historias que surgen de los sinsentidos de la vida, aunque para los personajes, tales acciones tienen todo el sentido del mundo.
Este reto de las 50 palabras me ha motivado a escribir en un género que es realmente nuevo para mí. Me alegra de sobremanera poder causar este tipo de reacción.
En muchos casos, la sola tarea de usar sólo 50 palabras puede ser paralizante.
My goodness, so sad... The love of a mother is stronger than most things, and is such a source of strength to the many lucky enough to have a loving mother... To be treated to such harsh treatment from ones mother or indeed any family member is abhorrent... Again you have shone the spotlight on something worth discussing @hlezama... Well done my friend.. That second image is very hard to stomach, representing the constant battle of good versus evil on the macro and micro scale...
Hermano, esto me pegó fuerte. Nunca pensé que en tan pocas palabras alguien pueda expresar tanto. Se puede hasta palpar en cierta manera el arrepentimiento del (supongo yo) niño que relata esto, su dolor, su sentimiento de culpa en cierta manera porque su propia madre lo trate así. Increíble.
Gracias por tu comentario. Very encouraging. Lo que comenzó como un ejercicio para mi primera historia de 50 palabras se ha venido convirtiendo en una historia más larga y complicada que nació de unas anecdotas de personajes de mi pueblo.
Son relatos que desafían la razón y la incredulidad.
Eso le da mucho más valor a tu trabajo, saber que hay un trasfondo tan emotivo y significativo lo hace más que un relato de ficción, lo hace un testimonio. Excelente trabajo.
An interesting sad story that evokes a lot of emotion @helzana.
This is such a sad story, @hlezama. As a woman I can understand the frustrations and sorrows. But as a mother...I could never blame my children for the bad choices I made. Or for the bad things that happened to me.
I suppose each individual has a different way to cope with suffering. And it is very sad when poor innocent souls are caught in the middle.
All in all, a very well written story.
Thank you, @roxy-cat. Very moving comment. It encapsulates the should-bes of these kinds of stories. Unfortunately, life provides absurd examples of selfishness and the impossibility, for some, of forgiveness.