[Fiftywords] With Her Flying Broom
She took off on a flying broom. She took off, to find her own territory.
Hi again to another one of my fifty word stories. This weekly challenge currently being maintained by the awesome @jayna and the prompt this week is "Witch."
While I never liked the historical witches, I love the fictional ones so my feelings toward the term is a mixed bag. Out of all witches however, the titular character of "Kiki's delivery service" is my favorite. I loved that movie and how it put the witches in modernized peaceful world. I want to write a story in a world like that.
With Her Flying Broom
She bid her parents good-bye as her broom twitched.
Ready to fly.
She'd follow the ancient ritual, finding a territory to call her own.
So, how was it?
I wanted this story to feel mysterious yet lets you feel at home. It's hard to do when you have only 50 words. Most of my other #fiftywords had "The End" or something after the last word, but I didn't find it a good way to end this story, it's her beginning.
Please tell me in comments.
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Actually the I didn't mean anything by the "red dress" but I love the way you imagined it... It's so fitting!
I enjoyed your story. It lets the imagination take off as to what kind of adventures this new witch will encounter. The only thing I thought sounded a little awkward was "traded her red dress with a black coat". I think "for a black coat" might be better. But again, very nice story!
Thanks for reading and commenting..
I don't know but I think you're right about this, I'll leave it like this a bit before changing it though.
Yes, that suggestion is correct: "traded her red dress for a black coat." Also, since you are writing in past tense, your last sentence should also be in the past tense: "The new witch took off."
English is a pain, isn't it? :-)
Thanks for the corrections, I'll change it right now (if the post still editable.)
Yeah.
Nice work, @ahmadmanga! I think you did capture a peaceful scene. And it is also bittersweet. She is growing into something new and leaving her old life behind. I think anyone can relate to this. I also love that movie, Kiki's Delivery Service.
Thanks for reading :) happy to know fellow Steemian loved that movie. (I think my posts might shift toward anime a bit this month.)
Yeah, I was going for the bittersweet feeling with this story.
Well, as you say, it is an initiation story of sorts. Maybe you can elaborate on what she does in other 50-words stories. It does make sense though, the idea of engaging in an activity that demands the renunciation of whatever life one had (family, life-style, etc), pretty much what some religions do :)
I like the far-off feel this gives me, like watching a scene from a movie. Well done!
Thanks for reading, happy that you felt like that.
This one had a lovely flow to it - a coming of age. Well written my friend.
Thanks for reading, and yup I tried to make the "coming of age" in this story apparent.
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