I like it. I kept sliding along wanting to know how it would unfold. Some of the imagery was very vivid. It does not feel like a first short story. Feels like you have more experience than that ....

On the constructive deconstruction side of things - and this is purely my SUBJECTIVE experience, and I am little tired right now - the images were distracting me. I would just get into the story and there is an image and I start comparing how it fits with the story etc. and in the process I found that switching senses was not helping me. I am surprised by this but that's how it was just now ... With short stories I definitely prefer the images in my imagination.

I was not getting all the description. Sentences were getting a bit long. Then I did not get the whole "Last Thursday" grand finale. Maybe having a small note on what it is about would be helpful. I had to Google it.

Maybe I am a little too tired ;-)