Ultimate Online Wrestling CH-4: Friday Night Clash Episode 1
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The scene opens to a large crowd inside the Grand Olympic Auditorium in front of a sold-out crowd. The cameras go live inside the venue just as “Stranglehold” by Ted Nugent begins to play over the speaker system. The cameras focus switches from the pumped-up fans to the announcer team of the youthful move by move commentator Scott Slade and the geriatric color commentator Chris Rodgers at their announcer table.
Chris Rodgers: Hello Ultimate Wrestling fans and welcome to the first-ever airing of Friday Night CLASH! We are coming to you streaming live on Squawker, MeTube.com, and broadcasting from America’s number one watched cable entertainment television and news channel in America, M.O.X baby!
Scott Slade: And we are here in the great state of California and man does it feel good to be out of the southwest!
Chris Rodgers: Speak for yourself Scott, this place is full of reefer smoking dimwits and vegan liberals! I’m probably getting a contact high just sitting in here! Something doesn’t smell right in this air I tell you!
Scott Slade: I’d rather be here than where we were last week. The only good thing to come out of the Brawl at the Wall was Valora Salinas winning the Franchise title! I can’t wait to see the look on Mr. Mudcocks face when has to award the title belt to her! What a sight that is going to be!
Chris Rodgers: How dare you criticize that historic event! Ultimate Wrestling was lucky to be a part of something so important to this country! It was the most patriotic moment of my life!
Scott Slade: Alright, alright, take it easy Rodgers, let’s get off the politics and talk about the reason we're here tonight! We’ve got new arrivals to roster taking part in singles competition to open the night as R.J. Kidd takes on Brock Abishag! Then later tonight for our main event of the evening, Valora Salinas teams up with Dwight Couch and Takuma Sato to take on her rival Jeremiah Vastrix, who is teaming up with Kronin and Vendredi!
Chris Rodgers: What a match! I couldn’t have booked this show better myself! Thank god we’ve got a man like Rupert Mudcock running this company!
Suddenly “Amazing Grace” by the Dropkick Murphey’s starts to play and the cameras cut from the announcer table to the main stage as a massive, manly, looking man walks out onto the metal structure. Rich Relando steps into the ring with a microphone in his hand and starts to announce the first fighter of the night.
Rich Relando: Making his way down the ramp now! Hailing from Toad River, British Columbia, Canada! He stands at an incredible six feet, seven inches, and weighs in at a massive 280 pounds! HE IS BROCK ABISHAG!
Abishag makes his way down the ramp and over to the steel steps while simultaneously ignoring the Californians around him. As he climbs up the steps, it’s clear he isn’t quite comfortable with what he’s about to do. The fans seem in awe of his massive size and give him a mixed reaction as he gets into the ring for the first time in his young Ultimate Wrestling career.
Scott Slade: Well not a great deal is known about Brock Abishag. I honestly wish I had more information for you all at home, but I’m being told he refused to fill out his biography for us when he signed his contract.
Chris Rodgers: He looks like a real man to me, which means he should mop the floor with any of these pathetic excuses we have for athletes on our roster.
Scott Slade: You’re just still angry Vastrix lost to Valora last week!
Abishag’s music is cut off by the strange melody of “Sexy Boy” by Air as R.J. Kidd makes his way onto the stage. The Californians instantly fall in love with his good looks and magic charisma; a drastic contrast to Brock who stands in the ring unshaven and disgruntled with the fan's reception of his opponent. His eye’s burn with anger as he watches his adversary gallivant on stage, thrusting his nether region at the crowd like a rock star.
Chris Rodgers: Disgusting! Don’t tell me we singed another pervert! Jeremiah Vastrix is more than enough for me!
Rich Relando: His opponent! Hailing from Pennsylvania, USA! Standing at six feet, four inches, and weighing in at a trim 240 pounds! R.J. KIDD!
Scott Slade:It seems like the women like it Chris!
Chris Rodgers: These women have never been in bed a real man, that’s why they’re cheering this clown on!
Kidd sprints down the ramp as miniature pyrotechnics’ ignite alongside him every five feet. As he runs past them at full steam, the fan's excitement grows into a fever pitch. Kidd slides into the ring and pops up onto his feet and immediately goes after Abishag before the bellman even has a chance to sound the bell. His preemptive strike fails however as Brock nails him square in the jaw with a big boot to the face dropping the young man to the canvas with a thud. The fans let out an “oh!” as R.J. rolls around on the mat holding his face while writhing in pain.
Scott Slade: What a backfire!
Chris Rodgers: Not only is he a deviant, but he’s dumb as a box of rocks as well! Why the hell would you attack a big man head-on like that?
The bell sounds as Brock stands over Kidd. He then picks him up by the hair on his head and then wraps his over-sized hands around R.J’s throat choking him aggressively. Brock continues to apply immense pressure, choking the life out Kidd much to the horror of the fans. Their reaction causes Brock to laugh before easily lifting Kidd high in the air. He pauses just long enough for his legs to flail about a bit, and then chokeslams him hard into the mat of the ring. The impact shakes the ring posts as the Californians in attendance go silent.
Scott Slade: My god! Choke Slam!
Chris Rodgers: I told you he was a real man! Did you see the strength of this guy!
Scott Slade: A cover by Brock Abishag! ONE! TWO! THREE! R.J. Kidd never had a chance!
Chris Rodgers: Brock Abishag is 1 and 0!
Amazing Grace begins to play again as the referee lifts Abishag’s right arm in the air signifying him as the winner of the match. Kidd lay’s on the mat not moving at all as Abishag steps over him and exits the ring. The fans start to boo him on his way back up the ramp to the stage, but Brock ignores them, save but a small smile on his face.
Scott Slade: Fans we have to cut for a commercial break, but when we come back our boss and owner of Ultimate Wrestling, Rupert Mudcock, will award Valora Salina’s the Franchise title she earned at Brawl at the Wall!
Chris Rodgers: Don’t move a muscle! Will be back in sixty seconds!
The feed comes back live with “Thunderball” by Johnny Cash playing over the speaker system in the auditorium. Rupert Mudcock rides out onto the stage on a Rascal Mobility scooter with a sour look on his face. The Franchise title draped over the metal basket bolted to the front of the motorized red scooter.
Scott Slade: Welcome back ladies and gentlemen! If you’re joining us now, you’re just in time for the moment we’ve all been waiting for! Rupert Mudcock swallows his pride and awards his cherished Franchise Championship to the Hispanic American hero Valora Salinas!
Chris Rodgers: I can’t watch this… It’s like a nightmare I can’t wake up from.
The liberal Californian fans boo him unforgivably, expressing their hatred for him for the way he’s treated their hometown hero Valora Salinas over the past month. As the scooter reaches the steel steps of the ring, the elderly and obese Rupert dismounts his scooter and waddles toward the steps. Unaware, the media mogul’s shirt has come untucked at the rear of his pants revealing the top of his Depends underwear that have become visible sticking up above the waistband of his pants.
Scott Slade: Someone needs to tell the boss to tuck his shirt back in.
Chris Rodgers: Shut up Scott, you have no idea what it’s like to wear a diaper underneath your suit!
Scott Slade: You’re right Rodger’s, I don’t... and please kill me if I ever do.
Chris Rodgers: I’ll remember that when your eighty years old like me.
Scott Slade: You’ll be dead by then Chris! Hahaha!
Chris Rodgers: Smartass…
Some of the fans in the front row laugh and point at him as he manages to somehow walk up the steps and fit himself through the ropes of the ring with the title belt draped over his shoulder. Rich Relando hands his boss a microphone before leaving the ring to allow him to move forward with the presentation undisturbed.
Rupert Mudcock: Over the past few months I have worked tirelessly to build this wrestling promotion from the ground up and even though there have been many setbacks, even with the elitist in this business like Rob Riot telling us we would fail! That this federation would never launch! That my money couldn’t buy the talent necessary to compete with Riot Star Wrestling… HERE WE STAND ANYWAY A GLEAMING SUCCESS STORY! A wrestling federation with record online downloads, television ratings, and a Franchise Champion was crowned just last week!
Chris Rodgers: You tell’em, boss man!
Scott Slade: I thought this was a celebration for Valora? It’s turned into a why I’m so great speech for Rupert.
The fans erupt in cheers as they begin chanting Valora’s name.
Rupert Mudcock: She might not have been my first choice….HELL, she was my last choice to carry this belt and represent our company!
The fans immediately change their tune and begin to boo Mudcock and curse his name.
Rupert Mudcock: Hey I’m just being honest damn it! You liberals are so sensitive! Like special little snowflakes! I’m here, aren’t I! So without drawing this out any longer than it needs to be. I’d like to invite Va…
‘Bring It’ by Trapt hits the sound system inside the Olympic Auditorium and the fans go bonkers as Valora Salinas walks out onto the stage to a grand ovation from her hometown.
Chris Rodgers: How dare she come out already! She wasn’t even invited yet!
Scott Slade: Listen to these fans!
She slaps a few high fives with her legion of followers in the aisle way, but her focus turns laser-like on the fat old round man in the ring with her belt and the microphone in his hand. As she gets into the ring, Rupert waddles backward, clearly a bit frightened at what the Mexican American fighter might attempt.
Rupert Mudcock: Well…Ms. Salinas…the first thing I’d like to say is that I…uh want to clear up any misconceptions you might have of me and how I feel about you being the first Franchise Champion. There have been a lot of rumors flying around in the back locker room and in the media that I’ve gone out of my way to make things difficult for you and that’s simply not the case.
The fans boo and chant “asshole” as Valora raises her right Latina eyebrow high and puts her hands on her hips not buying any of Rupert’s bullshit.
Rupert Mudcock: The truth is I am proud of you becoming champion and representing this company. Together, and this is the keyword Valora, “Together” we stand the chance to make a great deal of money promoting yourself, this sport, and my company all along the western seaboard of this country and perhaps all over the world one day!
Valora rolls her eyes and looks at the crowd like she’s not buying anything Rupert has to say. She then turns around moves in close to Rupert and pulls the microphone in close to her mouth so that everyone can hear what she has to say to him.
Valora: Rupert, cut the crap gringo! I know for a damn fact that you hate my guts! That you hate my heritage! That you go home and cry at night because a "WOMAN" is your Franchise Champion!
The fans erupt in cheers watching Valora stand up to her media mogul boss. Sweat has begun to pour down the brow of Rupert’s face as he stares into the fiery eyes of his new champion.
Valora Salinas: But that’s okay Rupert, because I hate you, and your stupid fat depends wearing racist ass too!
Scott Slade: Oh…my..god…
Chris Rodgers: How dare her! That’s the man that writes our checks! Show some damn respect!
Valora Salinas: Read my lips Estupido! What you need to understand is there isn’t going to be no “WE” there is no you and me! I don’t want or need your damn Dinero! I live, breath, and sleep coming up with ways to wreck your agenda and your goals!
Rupert Mudcock: Ms. Salinas, please…I, I honestly am looking to build a bridge here. I think you’re a hell of a fighter! A real feisty, ballbusting, stone-cold bitch! That is why I am proud to present to you the Franchise title that you earned at Brawl at the…
Valora Salinas: Wait! What did you say?
Scott Slade: Oh no…
Rupert Mudcock: I… I… said I’d like to officially present you with the Franchise Title.
Valora rips the title out of Rupert’s hands and straps it around her waist. Just as she does the lights in the arena flicker just a bit and for a moment the screen above the stage flashes the Eye of Ra on it. Everyone is so fixated on what is happening in the ring however no one seems to notice. Valora’s actions infuriate Rupert and his face begins to turn red as his blood pressure rises.
Valora Salinas: Nah, no, before that, what did you call me?
Rupert Mudcock: I…I said… that you're a real hell of a fighter.
Valora Salinas: No after that! What did you call me?
Rupert Mudcock: I…I… said… you’re a real stone-cold bitch…
Valora doesn’t hesitate for even a split second and her reaction time is flawless as she crushes Mudcock testicles with a powerful kick to his groin. The attack drops Rupert to his knees and the fans go berserk as Valora flips off Rupert while his eyes still look like they’re going to bulge out of his head.
Scott Slade: Holly “BLEEP” Valora just kicked Mr. Mudcock right nut sack!
Chris Rodgers: Someone gets security out here now! Mr. Mudcocks been violated!
Valora Salinas: Don’t you ever “Bleep” call me a bitch AGAIN!
Security guards and Vice President of operations Robert Elitistios rush down the ramp. They surround Valora in the ring, and after a huge struggle, tackle her to the canvas. They handcuff her hands behind her back while holding her down on the mat as the fans roar with excitement.
Scott Slade: What has Valora done!
Chris Rodgers: She just bought herself a one-way ticket to the slammer for assault!
Scott Slade: What does this mean for the main event!
The crowd noise is off the charts and Valora goes wild cursing and screaming as security drags her out of the ring, up the aisle into the backstage area. Robert tries to assist Rupert who I still on the mat crying from the pain radiating from his groin area.
Scott Slade: Fans I’m being told we have to go to a commercial break! Don’t go anywhere!
The feed comes back live from commercial break with Rich Relando standing in the middle of the ring with a microphone in his hand ready to announce the main event’s contestants. The fans are riled up in a frenzy after all the insanity that just transpired a minute ago.
Scott Slade: Fans I’m being told that Valora Salina’s has been put into a police cruiser and that President Mudcock plans to press charges for assault!
Chris Rodgers: In other words, Sato and Dwight Couch are on their own tonight!
Scott Slade: That’s right Chris! This main event just got turned into a 3 on 2 handicap match!
“Something to Believe In” by The Offspring hits the sound system inside the Olympic Auditorium and the fans get to their feet to cheer on Takuma Sato and Dwight Couch as they both walk out onto the stage minus Valora.
Rich Relando: Making their way down the aisle at a combined weight of 420 pounds! Dwight Couch and Takuma Sato!
Sato and Couch slide into the ring and begin discussing strategy and how they will handle being down a fighter for the match. "Down Low" by R.Kelly cuts off Sato’s music and Jeremiah, Kronin, and Vendredi walk out to a mixed reaction from the fans.
Rich Relando: Their opponents! Weighing at a combined weight of 805 pounds! Vastrix, Reinhardt, and Vendredi!
Scott Slade: You know Sato and Couch may be outnumbered, but there is no telling how these individuals are going to be able to work as a team. This is the first tag team match we’ve had scheduled in Ultimate Wrestling and anything could happen here.
Chris Rodgers: A lot of different personalities in that ring right now…
Couch and Vendredi immediately get in the ring and look anxious to get at each other. The bell sounds and the two men lock up in the center of the ring. The Baron out powers Dwight and pushes him into his turnbuckle where Sato is. The Baron gives DC a good hip check and then tries to follow it up with a second, but Sato reaches over the ropes and clobbers the Baron with a punch that sends him stumbling back. Dwight takes the opportunity to sprint at the Baron and hit’s him with a dropkick. Vendredi falls on the canvas and rolls over to his corner and tags in Kronin.
Scott Slade: Looks like Vendredi doesn’t want any more action with Dwight Couch.
Chris Rodgers: Those two have been going at it since our first show in Vegas. No love lost between them that’s for sure.
Kronin rushes Couch and connects with a clothesline dropping him to the mat. He then goes to work stomping on DC’s chest and his right knee. He then grabs Couch by both his legs and drops a knee drop into the inner thigh of Dwight who lets out a sharp yelp from the blow. Kronin then picks D.C. up and fisherman suplexes him dead center in the ring and holds it for a pin.
Scott Slade: That’s a pin! ONE! TWO! NO! Sato dives in and breaks up the pin!
The referee pushes Sato back into his corner and warns him if he dives in again to break up a pin that he will disqualify his team from the match. Kronin gets back to his feet and picks up D.C. and forces him over to his team’s corner. He then tags in Vastrix and they both go to work clubbing Couch over the head, neck, and back with hard forearms and elbows. Vastrix then grabs Couch by his head and hits a swinging neck breaker and covers him for a pin.
Scott Slade: Neck breaker and a pin! One! Two! Kick out by Couch!
Chris Rodgers: D.C. hasn’t looked the same since his match with Valora and it’s showing here tonight.
*Vastrix picks up D.C. and hits a scoop slam before bouncing off the ropes and going for a leg drop. Vastrix however comes up empty as Couch rolls out the way and then dives into his corner to make a tag to Sato. Couch rolls out of the ring and collapses onto the floor for a breather. Baron Vendredi jumps off the ring canvas and onto the floor and walks over toward Couch stalking him as the match in the ring continues. Vastrix and Sato eye each other for a moment and Sato sees that Vastrix is trying to get a read on his movements with his cybernetic eye. Sato moves in and attacks with a standing sidekick, but Vastirx blocks it with his forearm and then takes Sato’s legs out from under him with a sweeping leg kick.
Scott Slade: What a counter by Vastrix! It’s like the more time he spends in the ring with an adversary the better he is against them!
Chris Rodgers: It’s the damn thingamajig in his eye socket! I’m telling you he’s using it to cheat!
Scott Slade: That’s coming from you? I thought he was your golden boy?
Chris Rodgers: You get one chance to impress me and after last week this pervert is back on my shit list!
Sato kicks up and lands back on his feet catching Vastrix off guard and nails him on the chin with a sidekick. The blow sends Vastrix back into his corner and he makes a tag to Kronin to get out of harm's way. Meanwhile, on the outside, Baron Vendredi and Dwight Couch have begun to brawl. Couch connects with a clothesline and sends Vendredi over the steel guard railing and into the first few rows of seats. He then hops over the guard railing and continues to take the fight to the big man with the crowd cheering them on all around them.
Chris Rodgers: I never thought I’d say this, but Vendredi is a genius! He’s leading Sato’s only partner away from the ring! This essentially a two on one now!
Kronin and Sato circle each other and then move in on one another at the same time. Sato dodges Kronin’s first punch and attempts an impromptu heart punch, but Kronin sees it coming and traps his arm. He then twists the arm and delivers a series of stiff kicks to the midsections of Takuma before hitting a spinning back kick to take him off his feet. Kronin then drops to the mat and locks Takuma into a headlock slowing the pace of the match down.
Scott Slade: A lot of people still talking about the match these two had last week at Brawl at the Wall. Sato defeating Kronin with that infamous heart punch, but Kronin gave him a real run for his money and I bet he'd love win over him here tonight Chris.
Chris Rodgers: Forget that action in the ring, Couch and Vendredi have made their way to the mezzanine!
The cameras cut to the second floor of the auditorium as people watch Vendredi toss Dwight Couch into a popcorn machine. He then starts stomping away on him as the fans cheer on the brutal action taking place. As the cameras cut back to the ring Sato has gotten back to his feet and tries to fight out of the headlock, but Kronin picks him up and hits his patented Beautiful Disaster Slam. He then jumps to his feet and tags Vastrix in as the legal man. Vastrix hops up to the top turnbuckle and dives off of it and hits a huge frog splash on Sato and then covers him for the pin.
Scott Slade:Oh man! A beautiful disaster followed by frog splash!
Chris Rodgers:It’s over! ONE! TWO! THREE! That’s it! Jeremiah’s team wins!
Kronin and Vastrix give each other a chest bump and the referee raises their hands in the air signifying them as the winners.
Scott Slade: Fans we are completely past hour 1-hour time limit! Tune in next week for another edition of Friday Night Clash!