I especially like this paragraph. It is very descriptive and flows well:
She hobbled more than ran coursing deeper and deeper into the dense covering of trees, the further she travelled the hotter the day grew but the darker her surrounds appeared - she glanced up as she continued forward, the canopy of massive trees only permitted faint beams of light to penetrate it's dense coverage.
Here's how I would punctuate it:
She hobbled more than ran, coursing deeper and deeper into the dense covering of trees. The further she traveled, the hotter the day grew but the darker her surrounds appeared. She glanced up as she continued forward. The canopy of massive trees only permitted faint beams of light to penetrate it's dense coverage.
At the end of this paragraph you could also add a reaction from Mila (emotional reaction would be great). That would really suck me into the scene even more.
I'm really enjoying this story so far @krystle. Next post please!
Hey thanks so much, yeah punctuation and grammar have always been a weak point for me - but I think the other issue is I talk really fast lol.
I have also been adapting how I would normally write a paragraph since joining steemit, I now write smaller sentences generally - if they start to go long I do this, it is just visually easier (to me at least).
I'm glad you liked it but this is literally the first draft of this story, so there is a lot of work still to go into all of it - I plan on doing a full edit and rewriting it once I finish the story, or at least this part of the story.
I especially like this paragraph. It is very descriptive and flows well:
Here's how I would punctuate it:
At the end of this paragraph you could also add a reaction from Mila (emotional reaction would be great). That would really suck me into the scene even more.
I'm really enjoying this story so far @krystle. Next post please!
Hey thanks so much, yeah punctuation and grammar have always been a weak point for me - but I think the other issue is I talk really fast lol.
I have also been adapting how I would normally write a paragraph since joining steemit, I now write smaller sentences generally - if they start to go long I do this, it is just visually easier (to me at least).
I'm glad you liked it but this is literally the first draft of this story, so there is a lot of work still to go into all of it - I plan on doing a full edit and rewriting it once I finish the story, or at least this part of the story.
Cheers for the comment.