She Admits...
Before he got there, she admits, she was seated with her back facing the door. Her ponytail sat tightly in place on her back like she was not moving. She admits to having been nursing a cold beer straight from a can... something rarely seen in that small town. Women take their beer from a glass, eyes coming from the washrooms on her right seemed to keep reminding her.
She admits having been sitting there for a good hour before he came in. Soaking her lonely thoughts with the crisp taste of the White Cap Lager she was taking. She admits feeling somehow old and stupid to be sitting in a bar alone in what was such a beautiful afternoon. For when she came in, she admits, she had noticed young couples giggling as they held hands with so much love in their 'obviously' blind eyes. She admits having felt a sting of what had to be envy, for it can never be jealousy, she clarifies. Envious at how lost in love they were seemed to be... She was unsure of the last time she felt that.
She admits not having been going out since, well, forever. This being two years after her traditional divorce from her 'ex-husband' who she admits falling for at her sweet sixteen. His chiseled self-came to her drenched in promises that made her dreamy teeny self-glimpse heavens, making her double sure he was to be her first and last. She admits breaking her mother's spirit when she eloped with him... Only to have what she thought to be bold of her 'we eloped just like in the movies' added everytime she shared their 'love story'. She admits how wrong she was without shame as she recalls how she endured a decade of misery in his hands.
Right then she admits she felt eyes crawling all over her with invisible feet. Someone had to be really paying attention for her to feel the nervous she felt. She admits to turning around for the first time that afternoon to find the bar behind her now almost full and notice his eyes two seats away. He quickly flashed her a knowing smile like they were longtime buddies and that, she admits, made her relax for a second. He gestured a question of him moving next to her with his hands and without thinking her hands sprang to reply the seat was his for the taking. Her brain felt betrayed as it had an issue with processing strangers and so didn't see the need to meet new people but heart, she admits, thanked her soul when his fresh scent hit her nose as he took his seat.
It reminded her of wet earth against the morning sunshine as dew thaws. His skin was like a cup of strong black Kenyan coffee handed to her the same wet morning. She admits his smile disarmed her cold mask and within an hour they were laughing but about what she can't say. She gathered he was just a traveler heading to the coast and laughed when she confessed she just moved to town looking to settle. He thought she was too young to settle especially in a lazy town. She argued it was good for her picking writing career knowing all too well that he had a valid point, she admits.
The room became alive with old African music, she admits. The likes of the late Brenda Fassie and Yvonne Chaka Chaka filled the air and so did laughter. He dared her to dance with a traveler she was never to see again but when she was in his arms, swaying her hips from left to right she felt like she was home. She admits agreeing to an evening walk after that dance... Never had that town seemed that beautiful in her eyes and the clock on her wall stating it was quarter past midnight when she got home agreed.
She admits feeling noticeably excited and anxious at the same hour. The joy was from the memories she had just made but the tension came from being desperate to see him again but couldn't bring herself to say it. She admits pacing in her bedroom with her phone on hand trying to come up with a simple text saying she wanted to see him again without sounding desperate. Her stubborn self-decided she couldn't go ahead with it and climbed her bed ready to curse herself to sleep... she admits.
I really hope I get to see you again because I had mad fun tonight. You are the reason I will stay around for a few days if you let me. Think about it. Goodnight beautiful.
She smiled and slept smiling for the first in a long while, she admits.
Thank you for coming.
