What did they teach? | Part 3 | Dutiful [ a murder series ]

This is a murder series. It may be gruesome, it may be bloody but, you could learn something. Or not.

To Part 2 | Motivation

Did you enjoy this work?

Enjoy is the wrong word to use really but if you imagine the feeling you get after doing a really a Spring clean, it is similar. You look at the tasks you have completed, the extra space you have created and that feeling of satisfaction at having finished with chores that must be done. After the job tasks were performed, I felt like I had earned the right to put my feet up and enjoy a glass of wine.

That is hard to imagine considering the gruesome nature of your acts.

Is it? Think of a surgeon that must open up her patients day after day and fiddle around inside to repair whatever has gone awry inside. Even when she does her job well, her hands are still bloody are they not?

The difference is they are saving lives though isn't it?

Perhaps I was too, how can it be known? You support the troops that head off to fight on foreign soil with the understanding they are protecting you and your interests. You wave them goodbye, you cheer their return and you honor the fallen. You do all this while they take lives in your name. Do you recognise it is in your name or do you remove it by claiming they do it for the country? There is no such thing as countries outside of the imagination. what you call state, culture and society is you, it is us and, it is me.

You see yourself as a product of culture?

You do not? Are you so independent and uninfluenced by your environment you act purely on natural instinct? I think you may find that more of you is shaped by your environment than you would realise if you looked closely and, you won't always be happy with what you find. The behaviours become ingrained and as flowing as our breath, we do not notice it pass unless we pay attention yet, the effects they have on our world are astounding.

What kinds of effects?

Look at the state of play out there, read the news, open your eyes in the streets you walk. There is the poverty and starvation and the enslavement of those too weak to fend for themselves. There is the theft of opportunity by those who take a lot but offer nothing in return but promises. And there are all the people who stand idly by watching, complaining, commenting but doing nothing of substance except support the situations they abhor through an endless process of consumption and disposal.

Are you any different, do you see yourself as a fix?

No, I am a part of the machine too of course, a product of society. I just operate at different levels than most, and choose not to stand idly by but instead act. Some consume more that others, I dispose of more than others. The difference is that instead of sending others to do the disposal work under the guise of duty, I get my hands dirty. Up close and personal, so to speak.

You see yourself as a cleaner, a service provider?

Of sorts but not in service of flag or country, those concepts are ill-conceived and childishly believed. I am in service to myself and the further discovery of what that means. Each action, no matter how externally perceived is in service to my own understanding of my place in the world and the impacts I have. Each action performed is an exploratory move towards potential discovery.

What have you found out so far?

What have you discovered through our discussions?

As I listen to you, I do not want to accept what you say, I do not believe it to be true, my body, mind and heart say she is wrong. But, you make a lot of sense. I do not agree with your actions but your explanations of them show a level of thought I was not expecting. I can't explain it but it is almost divine in nature at times, even though your acts seem that of the most cruel and base in nature.

You are learning too.

Taraz
[ a Steemit original ]

To Part 4 | PSA