Planning a more mellow life come June when I turn 50 I was thinking of getting a dog (then again a border collie - the one I keep falling for - is not really compatible with "mellow"); but by the sounds of it a dog doesn't make you any less satirical.
Border collie, nice! Very sharp dog I've heard, but as you say no so mellow.
Hmmm, let me think...I've got it! Good strategy...don't get the dog you fall for. Instead, get a dog you find at least marginally repugnant. If the man in the story above had done this, perhaps his story would have turned out differently? I don't know, hard to say.
Great strategy. Plenty of dribbling, perpetually moulting, pink-eye, red-bottomed breeds to choose from. Some even come with glorious names (Peruvian Inca Flower). Otherwise let's think ecotrain and go second hand. Plenty of pooches who have been tied to trees for falling into that repugnant or plain insufferable margin. (Then again holidays are already stressful, so it doesn't take much to get your canine self tied to a tree around that time of year. One wrong bark and your out. Just wanting a square meal could already blow your chances of staying in the home.) Or you can order thirteen to a dozen cross-eyed inbred ferral dogs from the Spanish plains - not even Cesar Milan can train one of those. But you've gotta feel good for trying, right?
In any case, must stop picking sharp: it bites you back every time.... (seriously, my last BC had quite a nip to her - inately neurotic but then add a minor hormone issue... then again we might also blame the pack. Was obsessed with the youngest family member who preferred to be left alone with her Autism. Waste of a herding instinct...).
Heehee, ok, looks like you have sufficient experience to pick the appropriate dog for the mellow life. With a name like Peruvian Inca Flower I just can't see how one could go wrong. I'm a bit partial to a jack russell terrier, though I realize they are an acquired taste.
Is he vegan?
oh, without a doubt :)