Trapped in your mind
Dark. Why is it so dark? I can’t see anything. Why can’t I see anything?
What is this constant beeping? It’s driving me crazy. It’s the only sound. Wait, no, it’s not. What is that? Is that the sound of me breathing? It sounds weird. And I think I can also hear the sound of machines running.
Why can’t I see?
The beeping is very regular. Almost like … a heartbeat? My heartbeat? That means I’m in a hospital! What am I doing in a hospital? What happened? How did I get here?
I remember having coffee with Anne … and then nothing. Did something happen? Something must have happened. Am I dead?
No, the beeping is still there so my heart must be working. I … are those footsteps? Those are footsteps! Someone is coming!
”I’m sorry, Mrs. Jones, your husband is in a coma. There is still hope, he’s not brain dead yet, but we don’t know if it will stay like that. The stroke was located in the brainstem and things could take an ugly turn very soon. He might even have a second stroke.”
Mrs. Jones? Anne was here! And the man speaking had to be the doctor. But … the doctor was talking about Anne’s husband. That’s me! I had a stroke? In the brain stem?! Oh dear lord, that is not good.
”How big are the chances that he’ll regain consciousness?”
”It doesn’t look good. Did your husband leave some kind of will that details what’s supposed to happen if a brain death occurs? Is he an organ donor?”
Organ donor? Of course I’m an organ donor! Anne knows that. But ... I am conscious! I can hear everything! They can’t take my organs now, I’d feel all of that! Oh my god, I need to signal them that I am still alive. They need to know I am still here! I need to signal them somehow …
Oh, I understand why I can’t see anything, my eyes must be closed. Maybe if I open them, they’ll realize something is wrong. I just need … to … open … my … eyes!
”Doctor! Did you see that? His eyelids just moved a bit!”
”Did they?”
The sound of footsteps indicates that the doctor is coming closer. I can feel his warm breath on my face as he bends over me. It smells like tuna.
Suddenly, a blinding light cuts through the darkness and makes me want to scream, but no sound escapes my throat. The doctor pulled up one of my eyelids and is now shining a light right into my eye. After the long darkness, this is really painful!
”Pupil reaction is normal. Let’s see what happens if I move the light a bit.”
As the doctor starts moving the light, I follow it.
”Incredible, we’re having a reaction! It seems like your husband isn’t unconscious after all. He might suffer from what we call locked-in syndrome.”
That doesn’t sound that much better if I have to be honest.
”You mean he’s conscious but can’t move at all?”
Anne had always known more about this medical stuff than me.
”Exactly. It tends to follow a brain stem stroke and leads to a complete paralysis of the cranial nerves. Usually, the patient can only move their eyes or blink. But that gives us at least the chance to communicate.”
I’ve managed to open the second eye by myself and can now look my wife directly in the face. She looks tired and it’s obvious that she cried a lot. Her eyes are red and her face looks slightly puffy. I want to hug her and tell her that it’s going to be okay, but all I can do is move my eyes from one side to the other.
Anne sits down on my bed and lightly puts her hand on my face.
”Honey, can you hear me?”
I blink once. Immediately, her face lightens up and she gives first me then the doctor a huge smile.
”He’s communicating!”
I love you, darling, but I’d hardly call that communicating. Then again, if it keeps you from harvesting my organs, I’m okay with this.
She gives me a kiss on the forehead.
”It’ll be alright, honey. We can fix this.”
I’m really not sure about this, but hey, hope dies last, right? Although it still dies.
Thank you @interceptor for suggesting the topic of today’s story!
Sources:
A European survey on attitudes towards pain and end-of-life issues in locked-in syndrome
Beyond the gaze: Communicating in chronic locked-in syndrome
Quality of life in patients with locked-in syndrome: Evolution over a 6-year period
Got a scientific topic which you want to see as a story? Leave me a comment!
Check out @steemstem and the #steemSTEM channel in steemit.chat and consider following the curation trail on Streemian to support scientists on steemit!
Picture taken from pixabay.com
ive made steemit sort of oasis where i can shut off for a moment, and try to think about something else than hospitals. and then i summoned one of the best writers here to write about it..:) and you did it like you been there, which is bit creepy accurate, but i didnt expect anything less.
I am dealing with it for last 5 months, after my father survived brain stem aneurysm and has his skull filled with blood. First time we communicated with blinking after month or so after docs told us he is just a plant, erased. Now he is out of it (yes you read that right), can even talk a bit, but with tone of other problems, mosltly because of poor conditions and neglecting by the ego maniacal doctors but thats other story which i will write about some day, and it will prolly be pure horror.
thanks for the links too, you re really badass researcher.
Thanks again for suggesting the topic and now for your feedback :)
I'm glad your father got out of it and I hope I didn't summon too many bad feelings with my story.
You are welcome :) no bad feelings at all, things are going to better slowly. Looking forward for your future stories. this is real Sci - fi, not the Star Wars or such ;)
I hope he recovers soon, otherwise, next time we will be hearing from his thought might be:
I am not going to recover this time, looks like my time is up, maybe while my organs and tissue are still working fine, i should donate them to help someone, I heard that wife came by the next bed everything praying for a healthy kidney for his husband....maybe my cornea could help that guy next room too....
long term illness is really mentally devastating to the patients and their families
(congratz to your 600 followers ; ])
I'm trying to drag some of my posts away from the depressing darkness some of the previous ones fell into, first considered letting this guy go through organ harvesting at full consciousness :X
sounds like a cult movie topic to me lol
Very interesting, I could really feel it myself - thanks for sharing! Upvoted and resteemed!
To be honest, I started to feel a bit bad when thinking how this would feel like. I'd imagine it'd be really terrifying and the worst part is that it actually happens to people.
Scary, scary, scary....
Why has the life have to be filled with such terrifying things?
Very good storyline, stroke is one of the deadly diseases, but lucky for Mrs. Jones husband, she can fight the disease with a calm and patient. A classy story, congratulations on its author.
nice image
(pixabay.com)
Hey man! Thanks for helping set up the new node. I just voted for you as a witness. Keep up the good work :]
welcome
nice image
If something like that happened to me I would want someone to put me out my misery and donate my body for medical studies. I am recording this on the blockchain to avoid misunderstandings.
It's usually a good idea to write up a legal document signed by your doctor that states your wishes in cases like these. Takes the decision out of the hands of your loved ones and family.
yeap
Yes very interesting @suesa
I understand from your picture, and I have read your story.
I can say the key to the problem is because of a sudden high heart rate. A person's heartbeat can occur suddenly because there are several factors, such as shock, and can also because of seeing something that has never been seen.
That is why, a person can cause a stroke. If that had happened, then the disaster for that person, because the stroke is a dangerous and deadly disease.
Thank you @suesa: good post.
@suesa stroke disease is very dangerous
Before it happens we have to prevent it, because the stroke can take a life (die).
There are many factors in the occurrence of stroke, one of which is excessive thinking.
Strokes can occur without a siduga and can happen anytime.
Thank you for sharing and good story.
@suesa is amazing
You are a scientist, plus you are a graduate of science (natural science).
I have several pairs of your post and pointed to it.
But not what I mean. Before going up the stroke there must be a cause.
I have studied in science as well. The cause of the stroke is due to narrowing of blood vessels leading to the brain so that the blood and oxygen intake to the brain decreases.
Thus the various occurrences of biochemical reactions that make brain blood cells to die.
Is that right @suesa, thanks a great job.
Good postings, this is a very serious problem and if the doctor is wrong to act then the patient will be bad. Her awareness hitherto has not been fully recovered. His condition is now still vegetative: it is quite open but has not been able to speak and still difficult to move his body. He can only growl; A violent collision in the head there is a slowdown of orders in his brain, I think with good care I am sure he will recover. I hope this story goes on because I want to make sure the patient is able to embrace his very faithful wife. Thank you for sharing this story and thank you also for choosing this post is best for you.