NIP THE CAT - Episode 6

Dialogue with deadpan zip as Nip deals with his human companions.

If you missed the first 5 episodes and want to catch up:

https://steemit.com/fiction/@steeminganarchy/nip-the-cat-original-fiction-scripts-episodes-1-5 

It’s late afternoon, Nip is sprawled out and snoozing away.  Rich looks down on him with mock contempt.

Rich:  You haven’t moved all day.
Nip (enormous yawn):  Not true.  I’ve been breathing.    

A rumbling noise from outside startles them.  Nip bounds to the entryway and onto his window perch.  He sees a delivery truck unloading crates at Rizzo’s house.

Nip:  You got it backwards guys.  We want him to move out;  not more stuff in.
Rich:  I wonder what Rizzo’s up to?

Nip:  I wonder about more important things.

The truck leaves.  Rizzo comes into Rich’s house with a huge, gleaming can in hand.

Rich: What’s with the truck and all the crates?
Rizzo (pops can, chugs):  I got a few crates of Speedy Bull Energy Drink.

Nip:  Because loafing on your couch takes tons of energy, huh?
Rich (stunned):  A few crates? Why so much?

Rizzo:  Testing out a new VR game starting tomorrow.  It’s gonna be an intense two weeks.
Nip:  Your concept of intense differs from reality.   

Rich:  Cool.  What’s the game?
Rizzo:  Life.

Rich:  Life?
Nip (facepaw):  Lovin the irony.  No further comment.    

Rizzo:  Yeah.  You remember the board game called Life?
Rich:  Yeah, I used to play a lot when I was growing up.    

Rizzo:  So it’s a VR game based on that.    

Nip:  You should try real life sometime. (to Rich) Why is he still here?
Rich: Well, I’m on my way out.    

Rizzo:  Ok, have fun.  (eyes old pizza on counter) Is that old pizza?
Rich:  Yep.    

Rizzo:  Are you gonna eat that?
Rich (sigh, facepalm):  Have fun guys.  I’ll be back soon.

Rich walks out front door.    

Rizzo:  Hey Nip, want some Speedy Bull?   

Rizzo pours dark green, bubbling Speedy Bull in Nip’s water bowl.   

Nip:  Now that you’ve polluted my grand reservoir, looks like I have little choice.

Nip sniffs liquid, gives skeptical look to Rizzo, laps up Speedy Bull.

Rich walks back in.   

Rich (embarrassed):  Forgot my shoes.

Rizzo grabs old pizza, stuffs in mouth.

Rizzo (mumbling with mouth full):  Gonna go do pregame.  See ya.    

Rizzo and Rich leave.    

Nip:  Hmmm, I’m getting a strange sensation like something is trying to leap out of my chest.    

Nip bounds into the window perch again.    

Nip:  Hey, what’s going on? Who’s that creepy guy dressed in black, with a thin mustache, and two faces following Rich? Oh, wait, he doesn’t have two faces.  Damn Rizzo and his green bubbling poison! What has he done to me?!

Nip springs out the window, sprints to catch up to the man in black, and starts to follow.

Nip:  I’m going incognito.  He’ll never see me.    

Man in black turns around, looks directly at Nip, wiggles mustache.   

Nip panics and scurries up tree.

Nip:  This villain must have some strange superpowers.    

Man in black ignores and carries on.    

Nip:  Luckily, that strange green beverage has enhanced my own superpowers, and I’m not afraid to leap from this tree. 

Nip jumps out of tree and follows man in black.  They soon cross in front of Shady Hal’s corner store and a few moments later are in a park.  Man in black sits on bench.  Rich is nearby, tossing pebbles into a pond.  Nip does full sprint and gets Rich’s attention.

Rich (surprised):  Nip? What are you doing here?

Nip (freaked out):  That creepy guy in black with the mustache on the bench is following you! He’s up to no good and is obviously a super villain! Oh, and I think Rizzo tried to poison me with that green potion in the gleaming silver can! Are there any fish in that pond? Sorry, I’m rambling.

Man in black scribbles on notepad.  Moments later, Rich and Nip start walking home.  Man in black follows.  Rich and Nip stop off at Shady Hal’s on the way home.    

Rich:  Hey, Hal.

Hal gives disinterested grunt.  Rich grabs a bottle of water.

Rich:  Hey, Hal, you’ve been in business for quite a while.
Hal:  Don’t remind me.    

Rich:  And you only take cash.
Hal:  Yep.

Rich:  Why is that?
Hal (narrows eyes):  You’re an accountant, right?

Rich:  How did you know that?
Hal:  Your loudmouth neighbor, Rizzo.  By the way, remind him he owes me five bucks.

Nip:  Perhaps you’ll accept some cans of misty green mystery liquid as payment?
Rich:  Oh, ok.  But what does me being an accountant have to do with you taking cash only?

Hal:  Uh, well, let’s just say there are certain advantages to having a cash business model.    
Rich:  Like what?

Hal (befuddled):  You’re joking, right?

Rich gives blank stare.    

Hal (sighs deeply, rubs neck):  Why do you ask?
Rich:  Well, I found some really strange numbers at work, and….

Hal holds up hand to stop Rich. 

Hal:  Wait a sec, stop right there.  (leans in real close to Rich, whispers) There’s been a guy following you the past couple days.    

Nip:  Ha! I knew it! I wasn’t hallucinating!
Rich (loud, exclamatory):  What?! A guy has been….

Hal (arms waving frantically):  Shhhhhh! Quiet down.  A guy, mid 30s, creepy mustache.    
Rich:  How do you know?

Hal:  I’ve been around the block, let’s say.    
Rich: What does that mean?

Hal (facepalm):  You're either really naive, or really super-smart.  

Rich:  So what should I do?

Hal:  What am I, your mother? You figure it out.    
Nip:  I’ll take it from here, Hal, thanks. I forgive you for the expired milk a few weeks back.    

Rich:  Hmmm, ok, thanks, I guess.  Are you sure?
Hal:  Scram.

Rich goes home.  No man in black in sight.
Rich:  Hal is just a paranoid old fool.  Following me?  Who am I?

Nip:  An accountant that has knowledge of billions in shady government transactions.  Is shady government transactions redundant?

The next day at Green Mountain Accounting, Rich’s supervisor Mr. Wash is awakened by a call at his desk.

Mr. Wash (groggy):  Wash, here.

Dark, robust voice over phone:  It’s worse than we thought.
Mr. Wash (nonchalant):  Smashing! Do tell.   

Phone Voice:  I couldn’t find any dirt on him.  All he does all day is hang out with his condescending cat.
Mr. Wash:  Please don’t use redundancies like “condescending cat”.    

Phone Voice:  How shall we proceed?
Mr. Wash:  You’re asking me?! You realize this is an accounting office, right?  

Phone Voice (surprised):  Oh, sorry about that.  Thought it was ops.   

Click.

Mr. Wash begins contemplating situation with Rich.  Decides it’s too early in the day for thinking.   Starts snoozing.    

Meanwhile….Rich sends text to Asha…..

Hey, Asha.  Remember a couple weeks ago when you said you could help me “blow the whistle?”…….

To be continued…... 

Thanks for your time and attention!

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