JAMES BONG - Agent Of Anarchy - Episode 10

Bong tries to save small farmers private property from a statist merc squad.

In the previous episode, Bong went to Uruguay due to news that farmers land was being taken under the auspices of Agenda 21.  Upon further investigation, Bong learned that the reason given was just a cover for a violent takeover of water resources by an old nemesis.....

Scene 1

Bong is in a field in Uruguay, training Marcelo and other locals on self-defense tactics so that they might repel Angel Water’s mercenaries.

Bong:  Marcelo, you’ve never shot a gun?
Marcelo:  No, most people here in Uruguay haven’t.  Most people here are against guns.

Bong:  And, by default, against a very efficient method of self-defense.
Marcelo:  I didn’t say I was against guns.

Some people are lined up, all holding guns, and targets are off in the distance.

Bong:  All right, we haven’t got much time.  I’ve already shown you the basics.  Now take aim, and fire one shot.

All of them take aim, fire, and miss badly.  Bong double-facepalms.

2 hours later…..

Bong:  Ok, Marcelo.  I think that’s enough for today.  Now I want to gather some intel before it gets dark.  Remember that camp you told me about?  Where the mercs are, supposedly?

Marcelo (jittery):  You mean that fortress.
Bong:  Can you take me there?

Marcelo (laughing nervously):  I can, but I don’t think that’s a good idea.
Bong:  Why not?

Marcelo:  Because I value my life.
Bong:  Fine.  Just tell me how to get there.

Marcelo looks at Bong’s 3D printed Jaguar.

Marcelo:  I don’t think you should go in that.
Bong:  Why not?

Marcelo:  In case you haven’t noticed, the roads here are in total ruin, and are much worse farther out in the country.    
Bong:  Then I’ll just have to take your jeep.

Marcelo sighs deeply and hands Bong the keys to his classic, Indian Jones style Jeep. 

Bong (sarcastically):  I’ll be sure and scratch it up real nice for you.

Scene 2

Bong parks the jeep and starts to slowly approach Ty Prince’s mercenary encampment in the middle of the Uruguayan countryside on foot.  The wind is starting to pick up and is whipping quite violently.

Bong (watching with binoculars):  They’ve got tents? Not the smartest structure in this windy environment.    

Bong feels a sudden sting in the neck and collapses.

1 hour later…..

Ty Prince (looking down on Bong, who is tied to a chair):  What luck I have! Look who’s fallen into my lap.  Hmmm, what to do?

Bong starts to wake up.

Bong (groggy):  Prince?
Prince:  Bong, who’s the smart one now, eh?

A gust of wind causes part of the tent to lift from the ground.

Prince:  Damnit! Someone fix the tent again! And do it right this time.
Grunt Worker:  But it’s too windy, sir!

Prince (pointing finger authoritatively at worker):  No excuses!
Bong (sighing):  Prince, I should have known.    

Prince:  What brings you to Uruguay, Bong?
Bong:  Your violent theft, unfortunately.

Prince:  Oh, look at you, on such a high horse! You used to work the same game, Bong, remember?
Bong:  Yes, but I’ve evolved since then, while you’re still mired in darkness.  And it’s not a game.  It’s a battle between liberty and slavery.  The bottom line is that you’re violently stealing people’s private property, and I can't allow that.    

Prince:  Well Bong, to me it’s a game, and one that pays quite well.  Now, what to do with you?  You know, some very powerful people in London want you brought there.  Other people in DC want you dead.  Which shall it be, Bong?

Bong:  I suppose you’ll choose the one that pays the most.  You see how easy you are to manipulate? If I pay you the most, I suppose you’d let me go.

Prince (scoffs):  As if you can pay more than Machiavelli Bank? 

Bong (laughing):  Machiavelli Bank, huh?
Prince:  Why are you laughing?

Bong:  And who in DC wants me dead?
Prince:  General Small, of course.    

Bong (laughing harder, due to Prince giving him so much info):  You are a very, very, stupid criminal.    

Scene flashes over to K at his lair in Acapulco.    

Symphy:  Master K, I’ve been watching Bong’s feed, and it appears he’s been captured.
K:  Really? The great Bong isn’t invincible after all, huh?

Symphy (confused):  Human physiology is actually quite frail.    
K:  It was a figure of speech.  Can you link up with his drone fleet?

Symphy:  Already on it.  Shall I exterminate all life at the camp, other than Bong’s?

K (looking at feed on wall screen):  Whoa, no, no.  Only if it looks like they’re about to murder Bong.  THC mini-cannons should do the trick.

Scene flashes back to Bong and Prince.

Prince:  Bong, I’m going to do you a favor, as much as it pains me to say it.  I’m going to spare your life, for now.  Now that you’re out of the way, I’m sure the locals here will be no match for my squad.  (motions to another soldier) You there, take Bong to the gulag!

Soldier (confused):  But we don’t have a gulag, sir!
Prince:  Well, it’s about time we did.  I’m putting you in charge of the gulag! Now go make one!

Soldier (saluting):  Yes, sir!
Prince (surprised, looking up and around):  Hey, what’s that humming noise? Stop it! You know I hate humming!

Soldier:  I thought you hated Karaoke!
Prince:  I hate humming and Karaoke!

Scene flashes back to K and Symphy

K:  What’s taking you so long? They can hear the drones.
Symphy: They’re in a tent.  I have to cut it open first, before I can fire the THC.

K:  OH, right. 

Scene flashes back to the encampment.  10 bong-shaped drones are hovering over the giant tent.  Four of them are working together to cut open a giant square in the roof of the tent.  The giant square of fabric comes loose and is grabbed by robotic arms from 2 of the other drones.  The other four drones start firing miniature darts which contain ultra-concentrated THC.    

Prince (looking up):  We’re under attack! Battle stations!

As the soldiers grab their guns and prepare to fire and take cover, they start giggling uncontrollably, and within seconds drop to the ground in a deep sleep.

Bong (looking up at drone, into lens of camera):  I’m still tied to this bloody chair.  A little help.    

K’s voice comes over drone’s built in speaker….

K:  I should leave you tied there for a few minutes, just to teach you some manners.  

Bong (rolling eyes):  Please untie me.

A drone drops slowly into the tent, hovers near Bong, and a robotic arm cuts the ropes.  K yawns and leans back in his cushy office chair.    

Bong:  I can feel your arrogance from here.    
K:  That means a lot coming from you.    

Symphy (puzzled face):  I don’t understand why there is animosity between you two.
Bong:  It’s not your fault Symphy.  Nobody understands K.

K:  What now, Bong?
Bong:  Now I shut off my communications equipment.

Scene 3

The next morning, Ty Prince is having a holo-conference with Sir Hugo Trax.

Trax (furious):  You had Bong and let him get away?
Ty Prince:  We got ambushed.

Trax (rolling eyes):  Oh, likely story.  Always with the excuses.    
Ty Prince:  Easy for you to say, armchair plundering from your cushy little office.

Trax (harsh scowl):  Watch it.    

Ty Prince:  Am I to proceed as planned with the evacuations?
Trax:  Absolutely not.  We’ll need to get Bong out of the area first.    

Prince (deep sigh of relief):  Whew, that’s good.    
Trax:  Stay in the area and await my orders.

Trax hangs up, grits his teeth, and dials up another number…..

Trax:  Bong has turned up in Uruguay.  Shall I proceed with Operation Bithouse?

Female Voice:  Hugo, darling, is that you? What in the world are you talking about?
Trax (fumbling around):  Oh my dear, I’m so sorry.  Wrong number.

Trax’s Wife:  We’re having shepherd’s pie for dinner, so don’t be late!
Trax:  Yes dear!   

Click.

Trax dials the correct number.

Trax:  Bong has caused some problems in Uruguay.  Is Operation Bithouse a go?
Gateschild (controlled rage):  But of course.

Scene 4

Bong is talking to Marcelo at Marcelo’s ranch.

Bong:  I’m sure there won’t be any problems for you for a while.  I’ve got to be on my way, at least for now.  Will you and your friends and neighbors please, at the very least, learn how to shoot straight?

Marcelo:  I can’t promise we’ll ever shoot straight.  All I can say is that we’ll keep trying.  Thanks for your help, Bong.  And thanks for not scratching my jeep.

Bong:  I guarantee that those who seek to steal your property won’t give up, so stay vigilant.    

Marcelo:  Is there anything I can do for you to show my gratitude? Some mate, or dulce de leche, or some high quality cannabis?

Bong (smiling):  No, that won’t be necessary.  I don’t smoke, contrary to popular belief.    

Scene 5

One week later at K’s lair in Acapulco…..

Miss Moneybit:  Wow! That’s amazing!
K:  You figured out how to use the remote?

Miss Moneybit (punches K in the shoulder):  No! That video of Bong’s capture in Uruguay is the most popular we’ve had yet! It's got over a hundred thousand views on Dtube!

Bong:  That’s very comforting.    
K:  I’m sure it’s because you got rescued, not because you actually got captured.  Everyone loves a daring rescue.

Bong (sarcastic):  Yeah, real daring, from thousands of miles away with remote controlled drones.    

Symphy:  Sorry to interrupt, but there is breaking news from the BBC that you will probably find important.    

K:  Put it on the wall screen.

A huge video pops up on the wall displaying rapid video snippets of people being escorted out of their homes at gunpoint.

BBC Audio:  In what the government calls a crackdown on black market sales, those who purchased homes with Bitcoin within the past 10 years are being audited.  If they can’t pay the new 20 percent Bitcoin commerce tax, they are losing their homes.  Many are up in arms over the aggressive government actions, but government officials defend the moves, saying they’re necessary to maintain order in the economy.  

Bong:  Looks like the Gateschilds have made their move.  Now I have to make mine. 

Stay tuned for episode 11!

Thanks for your time and attention!

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Top image is from pixabay