Interview With A Psychopath - Random IRS Agent (SATIRE)

IRS mercenary brags about record theft during income extortion season.

Fake News Clown (speaking to camera):  Hello again, all you TV-head tax slaves out there! Welcome to another edition of “Interview With A Psychopath” here on BNN! Today our special guest is a random IRS extortion agent! (turns to extortion agent) Welcome to the show! I’m sure you’re overwhelmed to be on a show watched by millions of people you help extort.    

Extortion Agent (looks like Anderson Cooper, only more condescending):  Thanks for allowing me this time to puff my chest out and rub it in!   

Fake News Clown:  I imagine you’re usually crammed behind a desk, hacking away at a keyboard, wondering where your life went wrong, but now here you are! Your 15 minutes of ill-gotten fame! First, let me ask about the current happenings in the world of violent extortion.  Is there anything you’d like to fear-monger our fellow wage slaves with?

Extortion Agent:  I’m glad you asked! We’re expecting to do a record number of audits, so our grand theft numbers should be off the chart!

Fake News Clown:  That’s great, especially for the occult ruling class that mind-controls the rest of us.  Could you give us some insight into how those extra violently attained funds might be used?

Extortion Agent: Well, I’m not really privy to those details, per se.  What I can tell you, though, is that I’m sure it will be used for the common good.

Fake News Clown:  You mean like roads, public works, and soforth?

Extortion Agent (scoffing): What galaxy are you from, clown? No, why the hell would that happen? It’ll go to fatten the pockets of the bankster class.   

Fake News Clown:  You mean the private owners of the Federal Reserve?

Extortion Agent:  Exactly.  Not only that, but I wouldn’t be surprised if more went to fund the death cult in uniforms.  And I’m sure Dyncorp will get a cut, to make sure the child kidnapping continues unabated in order to satisfy the Satanic pedophiles that wield so much power throughout the system.  And the rest will go towards making sure the status quo of fear, robbing, coercion, and murder by individuals calling themselves government continues unabated.  The cycle of death, I like to call it.      

Fake News Clown:  Careful now, we don’t want to openly tell the wage slaves too much.  They might actually try and not pay!

Extortion Agent (slapping knee):  Ha, that’s a good one! They’ll pay cuz they’re so afraid of the reign of violent terror that will rain down on them and their families if they don’t!

Fake News Clown:  Impressive! Two different types of “rain” used in one threat!

Extortion Agent:  Thanks.  I actually stayed up all night coming up with that.    

Fake News Clown (scratching head):  Good thing you’re in the numbers business! However, hypothetically speaking, if just a few thousand tax slaves refused to pay their extortion fees to the IRS, you and your fellow goon squads couldn’t handle those kind of numbers, could you? 

Extortion Agent:  Certainly not! We’d be so screwed! I’d personally run off to a distant land and try to start over.    

Fake News Clown:  Very interesting.  So if offered any type of even minimal resistance, your extortion squads would fail miserably and be a complete laughing stock?

Extortion Agent:  It would collapse faster than a house of cards under a hair dryer.    

Fake News Clown:  That paints a powerful picture.  Moving on to other aspects of income extortion season, cryptocurrencies have become very popular recently and present another wealth creation mechanism that, at least to a certain extent, might have been under the so-called radar of the IRS.  How does the IRS plan on subverting the competing currencies in the crypto space, while also attacking and extorting the users of these platforms?

Extortion Agent:  We’ve found that one of the keys is to put pressure on the major exchanges, where people buy and sell various currencies.  As long as the exchanges require violence-enforced government gang identification, then we can easily extort what we want from people that profit on those exchanges.    

Fake News Clown:  But in an anonymous, decentralized atmosphere?

Extortion Agent (wipes sweat from brow):  For someone in my position, that would be the ultimate nightmare scenario.  We wouldn't be able to steal from those people! (starts shaking)

Fake News Clown:  Ok, calm down, it’ll be ok.  Let’s move onto a happy subject for you.  Can you tell us about your favorite part of the job? (hands agent a tissue)

Extortion Agent (whimpering, takes tissue):  Thank you.  There are so many perks, it’s hard to know where to start.  We get free coffee.

Fake News Clown:  Well, technically it’s not free, it’s paid for by extortion.

Extortion Agent:  When people find out what I do, they try to brownnose me, which is nice.

Fake News Clown:  Really? In what way?

Extortion Agent:  Well, like at McDonald’s, they’ll supersize me and I don’t even have to ask.

Fake News Clown (eyes rolling):  Wow! You’re striking envy into the hearts of millions right now!

Extortion Agent:  But the best part is the illusion of power!

Fake News Clown:  Like when you’re stealing someone’s house that they’ve probably worked many years to pay for? Or when you rob someone’s life savings? I can only imagine!

Extortion Agent:  It’s better than any drug I’ve ever had.  (pause) Well, except maybe for Oxycodone.  That’s some amazing stuff.  Thanks, Jerck Pharmaceuticals!

Fake News Clown:  Did they pay you to say that on TV?

Extortion Agent:  I wish. 

Fake News Clown:  Have you ever audited anyone in the upper reaches of the parasitic ruling class, or any mega-sized corporations?

Extortion Agent:  Nah, we don’t mess with those guys.  I mean, first of all, they’ve got armies of lawyers, so we wouldn’t stand a chance.  Secondly, they pay off all of the politicians.  And last, but certainly not least, they print the money anyway! It seems a little counterproductive to try and audit people like that, know what I mean?

Fake News Clown:  So who do you most enjoy picking on? What types of people?

Extortion Agent:  We like to pick on people that we don’t think will put up much resistance.  Old people, people with disabilities, single parents,  Easy targets.

Fake News Clown:  Because most extortion agents like yourself are exceptionally weak, right?

Extortion Agent:  Mentally and physically, it doesn’t get much weaker than us.    

Fake News Clown:  Another vivid picture you paint.  I’m afraid we’re out of time! Thanks so much for gloating on international TV, and best of luck to you this income extortion season!

Extortion Agent:  Thanks.  If the tax slaves offer any resistance, we’re gonna need it.

Fake News Clown (talking into camera):  Thanks again for joining us, fellow wage slaves! Stay tuned for more brainwashing distractions! Goodnight! 

Thanks for your time and attention!

Just say "NO" to slavery!

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