UNREQUITED

Image credit

It's been a year but my eyes still look for you.
It might be the paranoia but I suspect that your eyes are on me too.
That is why I turn to look at everyone clothed in camouflage.

My stomach cannot rest.
Its hurried peristaltic movements can attest to the fact that although I need to see you, I fear to be seen by you.

I can bear it if I see you from afar.
My eyes will devour your every saunter.
My heart will touch the hollows in your cheeks. My ears will hear your every breath.
The barrier of hate I have for you will shatter into many pieces.
I will love you again if not more.

Then will I turn back, far away from you...
Towards the eastmon ward where I have heard horrid stories of broken bones, numerous dressings and pain.

There, I will build back the wall, one piece at a time and walk out at two pm hating you once more.

And if you see me, love me, but stay away from me.
Know that my heart cannot actually face you and stay beating.

Of all the hospitals, I chose the numbered military hospital.
Maybe subconsciously I want to see you.
But it will kill me...to see myself in your eyes once again without the cover of darkness where you first kissed me.
It will kill me that you will smile at me... call me miss B.
It will kill me that it won't kill you. It won't kill you that you could not... would not love me back.

My white uniform stands for all the things your camouflage stands against.
Who you harm, I heal.

Yet I tried... I did.
I tried to heal you but you won't let me.

You put your hand on my chest and plunged your fingers into my heart and took it out.
I screamed and cried at the pain.
But you would not love me even out of pity.

So I run far away from you...
Bloodied, ashamed and hurried.
I left my heart in your hands.

I want it back.
So I can love someone else.
Someone in camouflage...
Someone with your smile...
Someone who will also get me...
Someone like you.