A lot of work went into that so it would be good to have it shown to audience larger than here.

I will be boring and talk about technicalities mostly, like the one sentence I found with one ',' too much: 'Until he could take it no, more, and again, slammed his eyelids home.'

But also an idea:

I would personally suggest one thing - try to find an illustrator, even among Steemians, who would make a picture to replace the random pixabay one. I mean the story deserves its own. And I am positive there are those who would love to help. Check out the #crowdmind initiative, for instance.

Yours,

Manol for #steemitbloggers