Challenge #02629-G072: Impossible Consequences

in #fiction2 months ago

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Human Dave was an interesting individual. His pack bonding ability is astounding even among his fellow Humans. The downside being where ever Dave goes chaos ensues. Even humans with high restraints have hard time controlling themselves. There are few Humans around Dave that are able to, in human terms “keep a tight leash on him”. I was able to ask one of them about more information about Dave. Saying that him and two other take shifts restraining Dave but whenever the day of Satur comes around it take the forces of all three to hold Dave down, and worry since the breaking of March is coming soon. -- Anon Guest

Some Humans just can't help themselves. They need others to be their sense of restraint or, in extreme cases, act as surrogate brain cells. Some are just... naturally chaotic. They don't always bring devastation in their wake, or they wouldn't last long in the space lanes for increasingly obvious reasons.

Human Dave was the embodiment of the catastrophe curve. When not catapulting from one bad idea to the next, he was happening to any threat that the crew might be encountering. When not dealing with threats, the rest of the Ships' Humans were trying to "keep a lid" on Human Dave's usual shenanigans.

Human Dave was usually friendly towards any non-hostile beings. He could befriend literally anything and frequently did. The heartache and the chaos happened when he inevitably attempted to drag random wildlife onto the scout vessel with him for the trip back to the Surveyor 34Y8.

"Dave, no..." sighed Human Lil.

"Dave, yes," argued Dave. "I got the little dickens mostly trained."

"It's chewing on your arm, Dave."

"Love bites!"

"It's registered as having toxic venom to the fuzzies, Dave."

"I can train him... I can teach him not to go after the fuzzies."

"It still hasn't worked for the ships' cats, Dave."

"That's hardly fair. It's next to impossible to train a cat."

"Have you even tried to train whatever that is?"

"Uuuuhhmmm..."

Human Lil crossed their arms. "No, Dave. No more pets. Not until you train the cats."

"You're not being fair," Dave grumped.

"I'm being completely fair," countered Human Lil. "I'm just not being fair in your favour. Shoo it away, Dave."

Human Fee, sensing the inherent trouble, appeared out of the shrubbery. "Now, Dave. Leave it or we leave you with it."

This, as far as the Surveyor 34Y8 was concerned, was ordinary background for Human Dave. There were seasons of the Terran calendar where the chaos increased to frightening amounts.

"We should really schedule shore leave for like a coupl'a weeks from now," advised the usually quiet Human Wes. "March break. Even the normal ones tend to go a bit nuts around that time of year."

Hoffni, one of the designated Companions, briefly boggled at the concept of how 'nuts' the Ships' Humans could get during this breaking of march. "I shall notify the Captains immediately. I have no doubt that we will be setting course towards a Human-friendly port at all due speed." Ze had -naturally- drawn the direct line between Human Dave and what 'a bit nuts' might be for him, and with complete logic and reason, panicked.

[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / Digifuture]

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How old is Human Dave? XD

I'm just not being fair in your favour.

The forever thing when trying to arbitrate children.


Given steemit's shenanigans I'm not sure how much longer I'll hang around here

Dave's probably early twenties. He's just forever in need of a responsibility shot.