Challenge #02490-F300: Lich, Please
“So let me get this straight. We’re here to rescue a princess.”
“At the request of a princess.”
“And you, who will be leading the expedition, are also a princess.”
“You’re very perceptive.”
“How big is your royal family, again?“
“We don’t have one.”
“We overthrew our monarchy centuries ago, but we kept most of the titles around. The rank of ‘princess’ is held by the directors in charge of various civil service branches.“
“Huh. And the princess we’re rescuing today is in charge of…?”
“The Lord of Death’s Dominion kidnapped your public sanitation director?”
“We think he’s a little confused.” -- Amberfox
"Confused," echoed Lady Anthe. "I'm still trying to work out how royalty fits in with being the Chief of the Watch..."
"I'm still confused about how the Lord of Death's Dominion fits into this," said Marvin.
"It's all very simple," said Wraithvine, and took a deep breath. "When the local monarchic forces finally dispelled, there was still the problem of what to do with the now-useless and jobless elite. They didn't manage the lands any more, so they took more... civic duties. And since everyone loves a Princess, and women are more naturally suited to long-term planning--"
"Please," begged Steelfoot. "I had a headache with all of that the first time. I can accept that 'Princess' is a civic title in this backwards land and leave it at that. Are we good?"
Marvin made the I don't know noise. Lady Anthe sighed and nodded for expediency's sake. Wraithvine merely rolled hir eyes and mumbled, "Fine."
The Lord of Death's Dominion was something of a Lich who, after being trounced by the last round of adventurers, spent a century building up his power to re-enact the same dumb stunt he did a century prior. In this case, kidnapping a princess with very specific physical attributes to become his undead bride.
"I should mention," said Princess Watch Captain Lena, "The lich we're about to fight can't be killed by any weapon forged by man."
The entire crew laughed. "Oh, that old chestnut," said Wraithvine. "Some old curses just do not cut any mustard, any more."
"I make all the weapons for this team," said Steelfoot, definite woman.
"Yeah, we've had a Princess Blacksmith in the realm for ages. He never learns though. Dude's stuck in this loop of rebirth, redeath, and recycling himself."
"Almost sounds pitiful," said Lady Anthe. "Anyone sat this dude down for a good talk about the whys and wherefores of this cycle?"
"Well that's the good news," said Princess Watch Captain Lena. "He's abducted one of the Crown Counsellors, Princess Head Psychiatrist Nenani. She is definitely going to be halfway through unriddling his head by the time we get there."
"Wait," said Marvin, "I thought she was the Princess Minister of Sanitation?"
"She has a lot of spare time," said Princess Watch Captain Lena. "Like I said, forward planning."
[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / Engdao]
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