Challenge #02467-F277: Human Jae's Video LogsteemCreated with Sketch.

in fiction •  2 months ago 

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Up next, the top 10 questions you'll get from your intergalactic crewmates. -- Anon Guest

Hey, out there, infonets! It's your friendly wandering Human Jae! Living large on the Edge of the Galactic Alliance, yeeeaaaahhhh... Have no fear, I am mostly harmless, I swear. That thing with the Vorax scout troop was a fluke I have yet to explain. Promise.

So I've been doing the round robin thing, escorting the. Absolute. Cutest. Havenworlders on their scientific excursions, and oh my God I could die from how adorable they are. Anyway. I took some footage with permission from my livesuit helm-cam and found... The top ten things your Galactic friends will shamelessly ask a Human! Wooo!

Okay, so mandatory offensensitivity warning for people unfamiliar with Humans, uncomfortable with incidental swears, mentions of blood, mentions of disease, mentions of violence and -hey- it's a Human talking, that should be offensensitivity warning enough. Okay? We good? Cool. On with the show then.

Number ten: "What kind of entertainment is that?" I dunno either. I wiki-walked my way here and now I'm watching because the train wreck phenomenon. Escape while you still have the willpower.

Number nine: "That is not a-- Why do you call that a dog?" Meme culture. Link in the extra info. Educate yourself.

Number eight: "What is that noise you keep making?" It's called laughter. Sometimes it means I think something's funny. Sometimes, it means I'm scared outta my wits. Everything is in the tone, friends. Also, the phrase, I think we're all gonna die...

Number seven: "What is this obsession you have regarding the smaller, censored pants you wear?" They're called 'underwear' and should only be viewed by special, intimate partners. You do not count. Stop barging in on me when I'm changing. God.

Number six: "Will you try to climb anything?" Descended from arboreal apes, dude. It's a legit instinct. Bite me.

Number five: "Will you try to ride anything?" If it looks big enough and fun enough, yeah. You would not believe the critters that are rideable in this big, beautiful universe.

Number four: "Will you try to pet anything?" Sure, if it looks fluffy or adorable. We're tactile people. Deal with it.

Number three: "What's sex like with you?" Buy me a drink, tell me I'm pretty, and we can play 'yes and no' until it goes somewhere. Usually it's not a good idea with Havenworlders. You guys are mondo breakable when Humans get carried away.

Number two: "Why are you like this?" plays with different cogniscent species asking in different cuts.

What can I tell you, bros? My species had a difficult upbringing and we find amusement in big fires and loud noises.

Honourable mentions 'cause they're funny:

"What the flakk is that?" Lunch, usually. "What the flakk are you doing?" Uh. I was bored? "Why are you doing that?" See the previous answer. "What is that?" (subtitled V 2.0) I'm playing a game. If you hang around, I might teach you how it works.

And the number one thing Galactics like to ask Humans...

"Are all of you like this?" plays in multiple windows, with multiple species asking the same question in unison.

Hahaha, I dunno, peeps. I haven't met all Humans and neither have you. There's outliers in every direction. Can't tell for sure.

As always, share the love because life is short. Stay cool and remember - humans are weird but you can love us anyway.

This has been Human Jae! Okay, I love you, bah-bye. Mwah!

[AN: Special thanks to my daughter-from-across-the-water DualityAndSuch for helping me with some of these top tens. Give her love and commission some of her arts, she is amazing.]

[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / YakobchukOlena]

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