Challenge #02464-F274: No Ordinary FoolsteemCreated with Sketch.

in fiction •  3 months ago 


Master Chef in SPAAACCEE!!! -- Anon Guest

Chefs tend to treat certain groups of people differently. Professionals who mess up are far more likely to get the chewing out of a lifetime than a small child or a student who is just beginning to learn. The most famous of them who held this philosophy has managed to spread it memetically through most of Human space. Now, every Human chef follows the same philosophy.

Now, because of the Train Wreck Phenomenon, cogniscents all over known space watch entertainments in which at least one Human chef bawls out alleged professionals competing for a prize. What the prize is, but what never differs is the length and breadth of creativity in the Human's insults towards the other chefs.

That's what most people tune in for, anyway. They come for the insults, they stay for the pageantry of competition, creativity, and tension created by all of the above. Some watched strictly to test their resilience by the method of exposure to dramatic musical stings. Very few indeed watched it for the cooking ideas.

"Ee, that's naff," said Shayde, passing the popcorn. "That's no way Havenworlder friendly. That citrus' gonna cause some pain."

"No, they're adding cream to neutralise it."

"Wrong cream. Tha's gonnae curdle fer sure."

The Human chef in the studio finally noticed how badly this particular competitor was messing up the challenge. "What the flakk is this?" they demanded. "You're cooking for Havenworlders, not little miss flakking muffet! Get that [BLEEP] out of here and start over!"

"Get 'em Gourd," Shayde cheered.

"Serves them right for trying suspicious shortcuts from five-minute craft videos," said Rael. "That stuff should never have been labeled as 'instructional'."

"Not one o' these sods e'er watched 'im debunk those videos, neither. Dafter'n a broom fact'ry."

On the screen, another victim presented itself. "Oi! Are you making a nutritious dessert or a flakking meringue?"

"Havenworlders don't have any trouble with sugar, chef..."

"They also have trouble with diabetes. Fix it, you great numpty!" Gourd code-switched for a contestant who was nearing a nervous breakdown. "What's the hassle, love?"

"I followed the instructions, but it's just collapsing..."

"Too much air in there, or not enough?"

"... not 'nuff, chef."

Gourd inspected the mess in progress. "Oh yeah. Add a teaspoon of pure gelatin and whip it again. Works a treat. Then transfer little bits back and forth until it's nearly mixed. Remember to leave in chunks. You've got this."

"...'nks chef."

Rael, who was relatively new to competitive cookery shows, said, "What the flakk was that?"

"There's a difference between those who try an' fail, and those who fail 'cause of how they're no' tryin', ye ken. They get different treatment. Obviously."

Realisation dawned. "Oh, it's the difference between the student who's willing to learn and the one who thinks they know everything."

"Aye. Th' latter has tae prove it."

[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / monkeybusiness]

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Interesting approach, to be sure. I heard one leader call it “kiss them and kick them.” But she was talking about motivating with a combination of positive reinforcement and military style admonition. In this case, it seems, the protégés must learn from the kiss method or they get kicked!

I enjoyed your post, @internutter. Congrats on your @curie upvote!

I LOVE watching Gordon Ramsay in those competitions. When someone's REALLY trying hard, not just making excuses, he is not as harsh on them as those that make excuses. The Hell's Kitchen series, the producers DO tend to have things happen like the oven turned down or the burners turned up. The whole point is to see if the people are watching or not. But for people making their signature dish, they make sure everything is perfect so that the people can show their true colors. Poor guy's yerked SO many times due to people's bad cooking. But what's interesting is to watch how he handles KIDS in cooking shows. Even when he yells at them for idiocy, he strictly watches his tongue.

Hi internutter,

This post has been upvoted by the Curie community curation project and associated vote trail as exceptional content (human curated and reviewed). Have a great day :)

Visit or join the Curie Discord community to learn more.

You narrate everything in a very vivid way.
I stopped seeing these chef's challenge because they caused me great anguish and frustration.
But I liked your narrative.
Congratulations on a Curie vote ...

You made me die of laughter with your invented word:


You seem to be right with the criticism you make to chefs and their ways of treating each other. Every appointment you place at the end of this publication corroborates it. Artistic media are usually very cruel and chefs are also artists ... of gastronomy.
I was going to choose one of the quotes you have in the publication that made me laugh the most, but honestly they are all very cruel. A big hello @internutter

Hello Hello!

I found this very interesting because of the simple fact of human attitudes around us.

Greetings from Venezuela

ehy dear @internutter, your story is very funny :-)) I must confess that I have only seen a few episodes of those programs, at the beginning when they were a novelty, but I find all those screams and insults absolutely disgusting. certainly they are for the audience, for that part of the public that enjoys this, but not for me.
congratulations on your curie vote

Try Master Chef Jr for something more entertaining but without the screams and insults.