Master Chef in SPAAACCEE!!! -- Anon Guest
Chefs tend to treat certain groups of people differently. Professionals who mess up are far more likely to get the chewing out of a lifetime than a small child or a student who is just beginning to learn. The most famous of them who held this philosophy has managed to spread it memetically through most of Human space. Now, every Human chef follows the same philosophy.
Now, because of the Train Wreck Phenomenon, cogniscents all over known space watch entertainments in which at least one Human chef bawls out alleged professionals competing for a prize. What the prize is, but what never differs is the length and breadth of creativity in the Human's insults towards the other chefs.
That's what most people tune in for, anyway. They come for the insults, they stay for the pageantry of competition, creativity, and tension created by all of the above. Some watched strictly to test their resilience by the method of exposure to dramatic musical stings. Very few indeed watched it for the cooking ideas.
"Ee, that's naff," said Shayde, passing the popcorn. "That's no way Havenworlder friendly. That citrus' gonna cause some pain."
"No, they're adding cream to neutralise it."
"Wrong cream. Tha's gonnae curdle fer sure."
The Human chef in the studio finally noticed how badly this particular competitor was messing up the challenge. "What the flakk is this?" they demanded. "You're cooking for Havenworlders, not little miss flakking muffet! Get that [BLEEP] out of here and start over!"
"Get 'em Gourd," Shayde cheered.
"Serves them right for trying suspicious shortcuts from five-minute craft videos," said Rael. "That stuff should never have been labeled as 'instructional'."
"Not one o' these sods e'er watched 'im debunk those videos, neither. Dafter'n a broom fact'ry."
On the screen, another victim presented itself. "Oi! Are you making a nutritious dessert or a flakking meringue?"
"Havenworlders don't have any trouble with sugar, chef..."
"They also have trouble with diabetes. Fix it, you great numpty!" Gourd code-switched for a contestant who was nearing a nervous breakdown. "What's the hassle, love?"
"I followed the instructions, but it's just collapsing..."
"Too much air in there, or not enough?"
"... not 'nuff, chef."
Gourd inspected the mess in progress. "Oh yeah. Add a teaspoon of pure gelatin and whip it again. Works a treat. Then transfer little bits back and forth until it's nearly mixed. Remember to leave in chunks. You've got this."
Rael, who was relatively new to competitive cookery shows, said, "What the flakk was that?"
"There's a difference between those who try an' fail, and those who fail 'cause of how they're no' tryin', ye ken. They get different treatment. Obviously."
Realisation dawned. "Oh, it's the difference between the student who's willing to learn and the one who thinks they know everything."
"Aye. Th' latter has tae prove it."
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