Challenge #02444-F254: Wilful Air Adulteration

They were out on a scientific survey of a new planet and pirates were on their tail. They knew they had at least two hours before they were caught and their ship had little by way of weaponry. They made their ship's human his favorite, but usually forbidden unless they were planet-side where there was lots of fresh air, meal. Hot dogs and BEANS! As he smiled, thanked them, and dug in to his meal, the gas masks were being handed out. The pirates boarded, thinking it would be an easy win. As the air grew hard to breathe, even their livesuits were struggling, they never knew what hit them. -- BKFecyk

Don't be a pirate if you can't afford the suit - a peculiar saying in the Edge territories.

Submitted for your education, the Battle of the Far Sniffer. The vessel was on a scientific mission in the Edge and had therefore hired a Human to be their bodyguard/assistant/hazard deterrent. Fortunately, Human Jef was good at their job. Unfortunately, they greatly favoured dishes that resulted in noxious fumes emitting from their digestive system.

Those meals were restrained to open-air environments, simply because his sulphurous eructations were too strong for the low-budget filters on the cheaper livesuits available to both public and private organisations. Too strong, and -as many complained- too frequent. Human Jef was greatly amused by this, and obeyed the Far Sniffer's rules. That is, until the pirate ship attacked.

They made the mistake of hailing their intended prey before docking or otherwise penetrating the hull. They had evidently had many success by asking their prey to prepare for surrender. Indeed, they had far better weaponry and could condemn the Far Sniffer to a long and lonely death, far from home or help.

The crew, dedicated scientists all, secured their samples and prepared them to be found at a later date. They left final messages... and allowed Human Jef to have their favourite food. Hot dogs, beans, and fried onions. Human Jef had three helpings, and made sure that the crew had their hand-crafted air filters on.

"No worries," they said. "Reckon those pirates are in for a shocker."

The pirates had plenty of expensive weapons, but when they entered the Far Sniffer, something else became evident. They, too, had only invested in the cheapest of livesuits. It could filter out actual toxins from the air, but the noxious sulphur scent remained. It wasn't toxic, but it was unbearable.

The effect on the pirates was not immediate. They had just enough time to provide shock and awe before they began to collapse from the abundant fumes. Thus allowing the prepared crew to immobilise them and contain them for later delivery in a bastion of civilisation.

It wasn't the first time a Human used their digestive system as a weapon, and it certainly wasn't the last... but it was the most notable.

[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / bhofack2]

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