Challenge #02414-F224: Livin' in the Fridge
I remember when my roommate raided the fridge, it was horrifying. -- Anon Guest
Let me get one thing straight - when you're riding the poverty line as a student, you will accept anything. Books cost a shit-ton of money. So does rent. So does the internet you need in order to do research. Food is always the biggest thing that gets cost-cut when you're a student. Dumpster diving is big amongst the student crowd. Or it was before the corporations throwing out otherwise sorta-okay food started hosing it down with literal poison.
Capitalism - it won't share with others. Not even when it makes sense to do so.
This is why the running fridge under the house was such a bonus. On discovery, we thought it would be cool to have extra storage for more bulk supplies. You know. Bulk supplies that aren't huge crates of instant noodles. They happen. You just gotta be quick. But anyway, this fridge was old. I'm talking just past the invention of electricity old, and the whole thing was a block of ice inside. Couldn't be anything decent in there, right? Wrong. You haven't met Deano.
Deano's pretty famous on the campus because they will eat anything. Well, anything food-like. They only chew pencils just because it's something to gnaw on. They don't swallow. Well. I haven't seen them swallow. Deano's been working on a way to detoxify those poisoned dumpster dive finds. That degree in chemistry has to work for something, right? God knows it isn't working to get us any kind of job...
Anyway, Deano's hungry and we were waiting for the ice to melt, and they just go at it with an ice pick and an open mind. You have to be hungry to do that. Three things in a pot plus sauce and maybe rice is their signature dish. Some of us are afraid to touch Deano's cooking, because - damn. Also because this.
Deano can, has, and will get the stuff that's melted in the tupperware and turn it into something they will eat. This? This was way worse.
This stuff was frozen solid, not in its original shape for sure, and mostly black. That is, when it wasn't shades of zombie green and probably-mould grey. It took them half an hour, but when they were done, they had five things in the pot and were considering what kind of sauce to add in there after they successfully chopped that noise up.
Yeah, we have the poison control centre on speed dial. We're poor, but we're not idiots. Well. We're not all idiots. The jury's still out about whether Deano's one or some kind of genius beyond our understanding. All we're certain of is that they must have made a deal with Death because they have yet to be hospitalised from food poisoning.
So we sat there, in the space under the house, watching the ice in this old fridge melt and listening to Deano cooking in the ancient kitchen above. Everyone looking at each other like, "No you make sure Deano doesn't die."
Say what you like about them -and we do- but Deano's the chief contributor to the Household Wifi Fund. We kind'a need them alive and paying the bills, you know?
The cooking noises stop... so Deano has to be eating that slop. Worse - it smells kind of delicious... So we creep upstairs to have a peek just as they're finishing off their whatever-in-a-bowl.
"Still alive, folks," said Deano. They remained still alive all week, living off of shit they found in that ancient fridge.
...we're all kind'a scared of Deano, to be honest.
[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / restyler]
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