Challenge #02335-F145: Non-Solutions
"We need options."
"Well, I would say 'kill them all', but none of you ever remember it's a joke."
"HOW IS MASS MURDER A JOKE!?"
"How is mass murder NOT a joke when we're not actually gonna do it?"
"Ok new rule, no more dark humor during meetings." -- Anon Guest
"This isn't a meeting, it's a tragedy in progress."
"How is death possibly funny?"
"All of you. Can it for a sec'. We actually need a working plan," Grax sighed as the Humans in the team held out their hands for a small coin. "Please."
Human Stef said, "Business faces," and the rest of them put their hands away and straightened up. "You gotta admit, boss. This is something of a comedy of errors. Mistakes were made, Humans are wont to find that funny. We're trying to get over it, honest."
"Some of us are merely trying," said Human Dav, elbowing the still-giggling Human Jor in the ribs. This started the low-grade tousling that those two Humans regularly engaged in for social reasons. The rest of the Humans ignored this.
"Okay. SNAFU protocol," said Human Nii. "We're cornered in this temporarily safe zone. Can't bug out because the lift ship is literally on the opposite side of the country. Can't fight because we're supposed to be stealthing it, Jorge..."
Jorge had the decency to look embarrassed. She mumbled, "Accident."
"Yeah, we know. Inventory. Whaddawe got?"
"Three medkits, two ration packs, a laser cutter and a roll of ductape," said Human Stef.
"One medkit, a jet booster, three rolls of ductape and the package." Human Nii checked his livesuit slots. "One stunner at fifty percent and two rations... and one stick of stim gum."
Grax, alleged leader of the crew, said, "One ration, three air cleanser pods, a ball of twine, and the evac's remote lock fob."
Jorge said, "Five rations, some shiny things, a bunch of tech parts I stole outta doors on the way here, and some connecting fibre and shit."
This pleased Human Stef. "Now we're cookin'," he announced. "We got enough shit to Macgyver up something cool."
Grax really regretted running through hir supplies of anti-stress meds in the first three hours. This was going to be the kind of interesting that would wind up in textbooks...
[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / bhofack2]
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