Challenge #02258-F068: MacGuyvering the Excrement...

A human uses a fire extinguisher, some glue, self-made rocket fuel, some ductape, bolts and other stuff to render an enemy vessel useless.
Be creative :-) -- Anon Guest

[AN: I always am, Nonny. You don't have to tell me]

"Okay," panted Human Ange. "Good news, bad news. Good news... we're alive so far. Yay." It was statements of alleged optimism like that that helped earn Humanity's reputation in the Alliance.

"Bad news," stated Gaurx, "We are sheltering in a supplies hold."

"Oh, that's the better news," said Human Ange. "We should have everything we could need in here. Especially since..." They grunted as they hauled aside the front end of a large shipment container, revealing some complicated thing of tubing and random bulges. "...this is where we keep the still."

The Galactic Alliance has long since given up on attempting to forbid the process of liquor distillation on Alliance vessels. Where Humans are wont to go, the brewing process is bound to follow. Banning such things only encouraged Humanity to be sneakier about it and the incidents of accidental explosion went exponentially upwards. At least, with a legitimised still, there were more chances of engineers being involved[1] in the construction. There are construction specifications that would -say- prevent catastrophic failure events.

This particular Ships' Still had a piece of paper tape on it with the Human text, Geof's Roxit Fyool(tm) and a crude pictogram of a Human skull.

"Er. That says it is poison."

"That's a base and totally founded truth," Human Ange swapped out collection jugs and took a swig from the mostly-full one. "HOOO-AH! Yeah. That's the proof we need." She corked it and added it to a small workspace in the hold. "Let's see. Pressure vessel... fuse... ordinary household chemicals... shrapnel... ductape. Gotta have ductape. Oooh, superglue! Now we're cookin' with gas!"

"Flames are inadvisable, we have to conceal out heat--" Gaurx's brain caught up with the Human's meaning. "You are not actually cooking, are you?"

"Well spotted," Human Ange took another trip through the shelves. "Tubes. Yes. Need those." They returned with their bounty to the workspace. Laying things out and applying tools seemingly at random. "So... the brief explanation for this is... I'm MacGuyvering us up a gun."

"And the long explanation of your brief explanation?"

"In ancient times, Humanity had a hero..." Oh dear sweet powers, not another Human Hero of Myth and Legend. Their culture was overflowing with them. This one was a legendary trickster who could turn anything into something else on a whim. He never used a gun and preferred the ways of peace. That said, he sure found a great many ways to blow the living excrement out of things with surprising regularity.

This creation, using: old beverage bulbs, some spark makers, the aforementioned shrapnel, Geof's brew, the tubing and a CO2 fire extinguisher, as well as some interesting plumbing... was what Human Ange called a "Soda Gun".

If there was anything Humans could do, it was launch illogical objects at ludicrous speeds. The ammo they were making was designed to not only explode and set things on fire, but to do so with extreme prejudice. If their captors didn't soon release the Cautious Step and her crew, they would probably live to regret it.

"...but also probably not for long. You should want to shelter in a life pod. Things are about to get loud and messy."

Humans absolutely adored loud and messy. They laughed at it. They loved wreckage and causing it in their enemies. Gaurx fled for the lifepod and much preferred to imagine Human Ange cackling as they laid waste to their enemy with exploding beverage pods.

One by one, Gaurx's fellow crew joined them in the pod, giving updates on the ships' Humans' progress. Human Ange and Human Geof were arguing over whose turn it was to use the Soda Gun. They had acquired some enemy weaponry. They were going to 'blast the excrement' out of the enemy ship. The subsequent bone-jarring kaboom certainly could have fit that bill, as did the distant cackling of the Cautious Step's ship Humans.

Three of them, a Soda Gun, and at least one of their famous swiss army knives had captured a pirate crew and blown their vessel to smithereens. But not, apparently, before 'raiding the fornication' out of the pirate ships' holds. Their grinning, victorious Humans had 'liberated' enough stolen wealth for every single crewperson to retire.

That wasn't even including the bounty on the pirates themselves.

After that, the fact that portions of the Cautious Step were still on fire was a minor detail.

[1] As in, more engineers than the one who probably made the still in the first place.

[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / innovari]

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