Challenge #02129-E300: Megalomaniacs Are Hard to Shop For
"I shall bring you the heart of your greatest enemy!"
"What, all of year 10 English class? Messy." -- Anon Guest
"Wait. What? A high school English class is your greatest enemy?"
"Sit down and I'll tell you a tale," said Miss Evans, dedicated megalomaniac. "A tale most horrifying. A tale about the biggest group of irreverent, foul-mouthed, foul-minded punsters that have ever breathed."
Loqui was already feeling trepidatious. "Are you sure you have to? I'm a smart enough minion to get that picture wholesale."
Miss Evans sighed with relief. "It is so nice to have a smart student who's not also a clever dick."
Loqui was very careful not to laugh at that expression.
"Do you know how much a teacher earns, Loqui?"
"Less than a cardboard hat in hamburger hell?" guessed Loqui. That had been his former occupation before he'd joined The Organisation.
"Pretty much, yes. They expect us to do far more than you did. At least with cleaning tables, you didn't have to fill out forms about it. You didn't have to dodge underaged horny boys and their mothers who were convinced that you were at fault for their sweet little angel's temptation." Sweet little angel, here pronounced, Calling this kid a lying sack of shit is an insult to sacks of shit. "You had an ugly uniform. I had to skate the line between 'looking professional' and 'being a distraction'!"
Oh dear. She was ranting again. Loqui had earned Minion of the Month three times in a row by knowing when to bring Miss Evans her calming hot chocolate, made just right, and the special cheesy bran muffins that worked better than any off-the-shelf pharmaceutical for stopping a monologue. He added butter and strawberry jam in the middle of the muffin, rounding out the rant with, "And that was why you started The Organisation, Miss. To make certain that the under-appreciated had a place that would damn well appreciate them and put them into less stressful occupations."
"Mmmmhhh..." said Miss Evans, in appreciation for the chorus, the muffin, and the hot chocolate simultaneously. If there was anything a qualified teacher could do, it was multitasking. "Thank you."
Loqui withheld an appreciative squeak. Hearing those words from anyone with grey hair was still a novelty. He was used to anger and demanding to see the manager. He loved this new gig. "Okay. So heads of your enemies is out."
"Definitely. Those horny little ratbags deserve a chance to learn how to be human beings."
"So... what would you like for Christmas?"
[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / viperagp]
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