Challenge #02089-E265: Living CorbomitesteemCreated with Sketch.

in fiction •  7 months ago

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"I don't know what is happening, but I don't like it"
"Why ?"
"The human is smiling" -- Anon Guest

One of their own writers said it the best: Never trust a creature that smiles all the time, they're up to something. And they were very, very correct. The most frequent portent of doom, next to phrases like, "Hold my beer," or "I think I know what I did wrong," is most definitely a Human smiling in a certain way for a period longer than ten minutes.

It's a sure and certain sign that someone is going to get what the human thinks they deserve. And it was happening most alarmingly on the bridge of the Wandering Star, where the Ship's Human was having an apparently evil idea. The most her crew could hope for was that it was going to happen in the general direction of their current foe.

Who, thankfully, was also unnerved to see a Human smiling at them like that.

This, thought Captain Kurok, can be turned to our advantage. "I see you are familiar with some popular sayings about Humans. No doubt you're wondering what our Human Steve has come up with. Frankly, I'm a little bit curious myself. The point here being that the Human has an idea and none of us know what it is. What we do know is that it's going to cause a spectacular amount of wreckage. Possibly on both sides. I'm willing to take the risk. Are you?"

Nervous silence from the Lok'rath on the other side of the link.

"So ask yourself. Do you feel lucky?" asked Captain Kurok. "Do you?"

Human Steve started chuckling in a very ominous way.

"We surrender," said the Lok'rath pirate Captain. "Unconditionally."

The human tutted and made a disappointed, "Aaaww..." noise.

It was only after they brought the Lok'rath ship into ideal towing position and started their way back to base that the Captain's curiosity overwhelmed her. "All right. What were you planning, Human Steve?"

"Me? I was thinking up some wicked fanfic based off of a netcast I heard yesterday. I was actually laughing 'cause you quoted Dirty Harry." They changed their voice to a gruff near-whisper. "Do ya feel lucky, punk? Do ya?" Laughter and a return to their normal tones. "Classic."

Humans. Gotta love 'em.

[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / iofoto]

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