Challenge #02014-E190: We All Fail Sometimes
How do aliens react to sayings such as “to err is human”, “it’s fine, you’re only human” and multitude of others like them? -- Only Human
[AN: I fixed that first saying there. I've never heard it the other way around]
It happened a lot, whenever a non-human was talking to a Human about a survived mistake. "We're only human," the Human would say. And then their brain would catch up with what their mouths had said and they'd amend, "Er. I mean. We all make mistakes."
Some would fumble their way through explaining that, after a while, Humans had a habit of seeing alien pack-members as fellow Humans with some peculiar characteristics. Even the decidedly non-humanoid species got this treatment. So long as a being was in a Human's bond-pack, they were an honorary Human. Many found this particular aspect of Human pack-bonding to be heavily insulting.
"You're only human," said Human Grish, gently patting Thork on the back of their thorax.
"You're only human. I happen to be Xexal, and far superior."
Human Grish laughed at this, as many other Humans did. "Sure. Sure you are. And yet you hired us balding apes to be your muscle."
It was a long-standing argument. Humans had many of them. In fact, one of their criteria for nominating something as cogniscent was the things attempts to argue. If it can argue, they reasoned, then it has its own thoughts, opinions, and morals. And it knows how to state them. Which was, annoyingly, an excellent measure of cogniscence that the greater Galactic Alliance hadn't thought about before Humans came along to -guess what- argue its case.
You couldn't get three Humans in a room without two of them disagreeing about something.
Thork glared at Human Grish. "Are you employing sarcasm again? You know you receive penalties for sarcasm." And, like arguments, many species found sarcasm complicated and annoying to handle. Translator units and text transcriptions both couldn't handle the subtle changes in tone that Humans used to convey an opposite meaning to the words they stated.
"Who? Me? Use sarcasm? Never," said Human Grish. "I know how offended you little bugs get when you don't understand us."
Thork gained the impression that they were being very subtly wound up. "You are being fined anyway. On suspicion of being sarcastic."
"Worth it," said Human Grish.
"Now go employ yourself in fixing this temporary error."
"Hey, you helped me make it, Thork. We flakked this up together."
"I am your employer. I tell. You do. This is contract."
A falsetto voice. "Yes, oh lord and mastaaah of de blue horizon..." and fake genuflecting. This wasn't sarcasm, this was outright mockery. An act not covered in the contract and therefore permitted as free speech. Something that many Humans felt was sacred.
Humans... If they weren't so vitally necessary to business, Thork would have them behind impenetrable barriers so that they couldn't infect society with their bizarre thoughts.
[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / Subbotina]
If you like my stories, please Check out my blog and Follow me. Or share them with your friends!
Send me a prompt [39 remaining prompts!]