Challenge #01954-E130: Surrogacy of the Beast
Are you mad?! You realize you basically just made a deal with the devil, right? Literally!”
“Ah, you weren’t paying close enough attention. I did not just make a deal with the devil... No, in fact, the Devil just made a deal with me.” -- Anon Guest
"Now. Mister... Scratch," said the lawyer. "I understand that you wish this particular event to proceed, but my client wishes to have some... guarantees."
Beelzebub, Lord of the Flies, Angel of Lies, the Fallen, Monarch of Hell, Lucifer, or, as he was currently known, Old Scratch, templed his fingers and said, "A deal is a deal."
"Under false pretences," said the lawyer. "My client had no idea that they would be giving birth to the antichrist."
"An antichrist," corrected Old Scratch. "One of more than quite a few. There's no guarantee that they'll even try to end the world. The last time an antichrist was born, the damn kid became a missionary."
The client looked a little bit more relieved.
"I mean, I couldn't be prouder," said Old Scratch. "Missionaries do more to create sins than most, but... it's not the same."
The client said, "Can you not? I just wanted to pay off my student loans."
Mr Scratch grinned. "One of mine. Honestly, they keep saying this nation is my father's country, but it might as well be mine. So much suffering goes on here that I might as well shut my doors."
The lawyer cleared his throat. "According to the terms of your contract, my client is free to leave at any time in return for their soul. However, by law, intangible goods are not allowed to be used as a unit of exchange. Further, my client has been baptised and her soul has a prior claimant."
"...bugger," muttered Old Scratch.
"However," said the lawyer, "given that a rescinding of the contract means the return of a debt my client cannot pay, we are prepared to negotiate new terms."
"Raising this baby's going to be expensive," said the client. "Just paying off my student debt isn't worth shit if nobody's going to hire a mom. So I want child support. Enough to keep us both comfortable when I don't have a job. You get supervised visitations on weekends, birthdays, and holidays. And you don't encourage this kid to be evil."
"And then there's the matter of medical expenses," said the lawyer, handing over a notarised bill.
Mr Scratch winced. This was his fault for encouraging all those pro-lifers. And the commerce side of medicine. It was true. Evil did sow the seeds of its own demise. "I know some people. This will be paid." He had quite a lot of people on his strings. Some of whom were responsible for the welfare queen narrative that left this woman in her current pickle. And him with a bill worth thousands of dollars.
He would think unkindly about whoever invented lawyers, but Mr Scratch also knew that the blame for them lay entirely on his own doorstep.
[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / stockakia]
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