Challenge #01945-E121: Caveat Emptor
"Marry in haste, repent at leisure," or what happens when the icing is off the gingerbread. -- Anon Guest
Tyn could not understand why Thel had gone through so many spouses. Thel was the dreamiest star of romance and song in the entire world, and Tyn counted hirself lucky to share a minute with the famous and wonderful Thel, and now ze was sharing hir life with them. It was the life of Tyn's dreams.
Red carpet. Glitz. Glamour. The intense and burning jealousy of her friends and age-mates. And of course an entourage. And a security team to protect hir from angry fans who thought that killing hir was going to clear their path to this rarified position. Like killing anyone's spouse would make that person love you. Tyn remembered being that demented, once. Before ze thought things through.
It was a year of fun and bright lights. Fashion and fame. Attention and adoration from the entire world. And then the entertainments showed how Thel had been carrying on with more than one of their co-stars. And more than one of their fans. Tyn sighed and remembered that that was how ze had gained the exalted position of Thel's fifteenth wife.
Tyn told hirself that ze could put up with this. That ze could stay loyal where so many others had failed. Ze would pass the mustard where even the affairs and dalliances gave up. Ze would earn Thel's loyalty.
Inside of three years, the jokes started. Thel started casually negging hir to the press. They confessed on freely-accessible interviews that they found Tyn to be boring. Plain at best. Ugly at most. Dull. Needy and clingy and the kind of insane that comes from years of being treated like dirt. But of course Thel didn't put it like that. They were an actor of high quality, and could do laser-guided accurate renditions of Tyn's more exasperated moments. Out of context. Played for comedy.
Two could play at that game.
Tyn anonymously ordered some herbal products that would "temper" Thel's "fires". Stop them being lustful, to put it politely. And stop them being able to perform in bed. Always delivered in secret. Always in the morning. And always wearing off by the time she arrived to drive the younger, prettier, and more brazen adulterers away. And, little by little, the affairs dried up. If Thel couldn't enjoy the milk, they weren't going to keep the cow's attention.
Thel became the laughingstock of the society scene, while Tyn was the only one who enjoyed what remained of Thel's amorous attentions. Tyn whispered in Thel's ear, little squirmy stories about how the others were only out after one thing. That Tyn was the only one loyal enough to stay. That this was what true love looked like, because none of those others would want Thel now. That Thel could be as cruel as they liked, but Tyn was the only one who really loved them.
'Till death they did part, ze said.
Which was a mistake.
Thel had never wanted love. They had never wanted loyalty. They never wanted a permanent spouse. They just wanted an unending parade of sex with the beautiful and young, and Tyn was neither of those. Thel demanded the attention that scandal caused, and now that that had dried up, so had Thel's work.
And Thel connected the dots between their marrying Tyn, and their recent turn of bad luck. Death followed. With untraceable poison and a birthday cupcake. And the scandal was there again. And so were the affairs. And so were the roles. A miraculous comeback from circling the drain, they said. That spouse was bad luck, they said.
And some whispered, Ze got what ze deserved.
And never questioned what Thel may have deserved, too.
[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / piedmont_photo]
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