[Person 1 wakes up] “Ugh... what happened?”
[Person 2] “Do you want me to start before or after you started a civil war?” -- TheDragonsFlame
There was a wild party going on. But there had been a wild party going on when he passed out. The headache said it had been more than a while, but the noise level said it hadn't been that long. Hwell reached for the electrolyte solution that Ax'and'l had thoughtfully set out, and left the covered bacon and eggs alone for now. He wouldn't be able to look at it until he was halfway done with the electrolytes. And the painkillers.
He got a sip down. A couple of sips. A quarter of the charitably large glass. Fumbled for the painkillers and took them. Got to half a glass. "Ooof. Ugh. Ow." Pleasantries over with, he asked that question. "What happened?"
Ax'and'l had his Salty Judge face on. Which meant that something unstoppable was in the equation. "Would you like me to start before or after the civil war you started?"
Three quarters of the glass. He started on the food. "I started a civil war?"
"I do believe your words were, "Na tha's no' fookain fair," and then you threw a brick at a window." Ax'and'l turned on the local news station at a blessedly low volume. "The rest, as they say, is history. On the plus side, you're a national hero, so they won't be billing us for damages. On the minus side, you're going to have to gently divorce them from their dreams of making you their new leader."
Hwell gave up on trying to squint at the eldritch horrors in Memory Lane and instead stared the future in its madness-inducing eyes. Fortunately, he succeeded his San Check. "Yeah. Gonna really have to do that. Give them the Benevolent Hand and then skidoot?"
It was telling that Ax'and'l understood Hwell's slang for "Give them the Galactic Alliance's Bill of Rights and get out of the area before they realise that half of what just liberated them was technically illegal according to said rights." Which was quite a lot of information to pack into eight words.
"That seems like the wisest thing," allowed Ax'and'l. "You are, of course, going to graciously decline any attempts at reward?"
Right. Profiteering off of a culture's revolution before they officially joined was bad. Mucho bad. Supremo bad. "Yeah. And give them back whatever I might have already accepted under the influence. They need everything they can get, to be honest.
"Glad to hear you speaking sense," said Ax'and'l. Which was his shorthand for, "Thank all the Gods in the Universe that you decided to not be an insane human for fifteen consecutive minutes, thus forcing me to threaten declaring you as a pet. Again."
It was so nice to have such a deep level of mutual understanding between friends and business partners.
[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / sar_38]
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