Challenge #01797-D336: Permanent Record
Make up a new character (or use one you’ve already created) and describe them only with documents like their shopping list, the main points of their divorce papers, their apartment lease, their recent Amazon purchases, and so on. Say as much as you can about the character without actually directly describing them. -- Illuminate-Prompts
[AN: My main site is down so I can't access my usual prompt feed. Thanks for your patience with me]
Dear Diary,
This is it. This is the day I expose HACK-meyer as the fraud he is. It's the perfect plan. Let him bullshit while I play window-dressing. If he has that other half of my formula, I'll know in a second. Those military goons don't care about math, but they have a few NASA grade nerds who will.
They're bound to buttonhole him for the final half. And then I'll correct his fucking math in front of God and everyone. Show him up for the useless balding showboat that he is. And bring out my notebook from the locker as proof. It's perfect. Nothing can go wrong.
Dear Diary,
Been a while. Ten years. I feel like Odysseus, starting this up again after so long. And I feel like the world's biggest nerd for writing that analogy. Long story short, something went hellaciously wrong, and it was all HACK-meyer. I'm in the right place at the wrong time and that's the other fucking joy that is the mess of my life. While I was knocking around different realities for ten years, my world aged by five hundred. Ballpark.
I'd work out the math, but I'm damned sick of doing it at this point.
They're letting me write this because it's therapy of some kind. And they get to analyse my 'hand' or whatever for clues that I might be who I say I was. Not their fault. The people who set me on this journey made a lot of changes to me and...
Katie Walker may as well have died ten five hundred years ago. I'm so very different now.
Plus side- they don't think I'm a demon.
Minus side- they don't think I'm a human.
Really minus side- they fucking banned hamburgers! Why, God? Why?
Notice of Lifetime Lease.
Upon grant of freedom from their prior debt, the individual known as Shayde F. Pitt is hereby recognised as the legal owner by sweat-equity of Domicile Unit 34G-958-7HY, Wendaways Court, Border of Drydocks and Elemeno, Amalgam Station, Cuidgari Native Solar Space.
The gathered Administration staff of Amalgam Station recognise their status as a lifetime holder of said property and will instigate the usual lease terms for the next resident of the above address. Said title holder is responsible for the maintenance and upkeep of the inbuilt gardens as part of the Guarantee of Air, as stated in the List of Cogniscent Rights. Said resident is also responsible for the health and wellbeing of any pest control and cleaning organisms that may be present on their property, and only on their property.
Housewarming want list:
- Bed that doesn't feel like a coffin
- BEAD CURTAINS
- Wall paint sample pots. Every colour
- Brushes and shit
- Decent couch or reasonable imitation
- Towels!
- Grooming stuff. Shop around
- If throw rugs do not exist, re-invent them!
Talk to Nik about burgers! Must have my Big Mac!
Confirmation of Ambassador Status
The Cogniscent Rights Committee and the Archivaas Alliance, in association with the Society for the Preservation of Original English, hereby recognise the citizen known as Shayde F. Pitt and her former identity of Kathryn M. Walker as a previous resident of another time period. As such, she is granted official ambassadorship for the Terran time period of 1986 C.E. (Pre-Shattering).
This individual is granted the rights and privileges of an Ambassador, and the rights to retain all Time earned under that title. The title is and shall remain a technicality until such time as any others of their time period arrive in the territorial space of the Galactic Alliance. Whereupon this individual is also a representative of their citizens' needs and behaviour.
It is expected that this individual will comport themselves in a manner befitting an Ambassador of their people/population/ethnic or species group.
Citation For Incarceration: Instigating Silly Season
Ambassador Shayde F. Pitt is hereby detained at the pleasure of Amalgam Station Security until such time as:
a) Silly Season ebbs to a halt
b) Damage from Silly Season is cleaned/repaired/returned to a state for fit living and,
c) Paid for in full
Citation For Incarceration: Physical Violence - Aggressive Assault
Injured Party: Ambassador Clem Alberworthy, Greater Deregulation Nor-Norwest
Aggressor: Ambassador Shayde F. Pitt, 1986 C.E.
Circumstances:
Aggressor has counterclaim of Physical Violence - Sexually Overtoned Assault, Verbal and Physical. Alberworthy reportedly pinched Pitt's left buttock and stated in front of witnesses that Pitt "would get more honey with bigger tits".
Recommend that Alberworthy and Pitt enter public interaction training. Separately.
Certificate of Appreciation
The Archivaas Alliance hereby extends their gratitude to Ambassador Shayde F. Pitt for her invaluable contribution to the larger historical record in the form of locating and opening the Legacy Vault of the Twentieth Century, and her continued assistance in opening the sub-vaults therein.
We also recognise her heroism in tracking down and apprehending a band of tomb raiders with the assistance of JOAT Rael Faiize, Test Edition.
In gratitude, we hereby grant the cogniscents mentioned above full access to any media in Archivaas possession, provided that such access will not damage it. Said access extends for the length of these individuals' lifetimes.
[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / Spectral]
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