Challenge #01763-D302: Cleanup Needed
Never enter an unknown atmosphere without airtight suit. Especially if you are boarding a ship where all the crew and passengers are in airtight suits, one human got a license in chemistry and access to bleach and ammonia. -- Anon Guest
The ships' human was merely there for the alleged good luck that they could potentially produce. It was lucky to have a human on board, and Human George's official role was janitor. Which meant that he had automatic access to the entire ship.
Space pirates always went after the Captain for the overrides. They never thought of the obvious. Not once, in the long history of the Galactic Alliance, did they think of the cleaning staff.
Which was why Human George had such an advantage. He messaged the Captain the instant he saw the ship approaching. Tell all passengers and crew to enter Livesuits. Call it an emergency if you have to. Just do it. And then he spent twenty minutes getting the gear together. Bleach. Vinegar. Ammonia. Rubbing alcohol. Hydrogen peroxide. And his own livesuit, of course. Rated as proof against all the ordinary household chemicals that he was now playing with. He even managed to filch some henna dye from the salon.
Captain Krax's voice came over the comms as Human George gathered up every disposable cup he could grab. "What are you doing, human? This is a pirate attack."
"I'm just going to discourage them, sir." One plus the other... into a cup. Flick it at the invaders. He didn't want to cause too much harm, but a little smoke and foul air rarely hurt anyone.
The slow learners got another batch. And then some home-made chloroform because a stench wasn't going to stop them. Maybe some sedatives would.
They clued in and got into their livesuits, too. But once again, Human George was prepared. He could pop out of the secret byways and douse their helmets in a fast batch of peracetic acid. Which would do for their suit's seals, as well as causing damage to them.
They finally surrendered when Human George busted out the chloramine. The good luck for the ship was the containment, arrest, and confiscation of an entire pirate crew and their ship. The bad luck that came with it was cleaning up the atmosphere.
The filters were toasted by the time they came into port, and a detox crew had to go over every inch of both ships. But the bounty on that particular band of vagabonds more than paid for the damages.
Human George refused to brag. All he ever said about it was, "It's just chemistry. Nothing special."
[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / JanPietruszka]
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