"Would you let me decide already. Are you my eldritch patron from beyond the stars or are you my DM?"
"Kinda both." -- RecklessPrudence
The people around the table erupted in laughter. Karel giggled a little bit herself. "Yeah, I'm playing all the fucking gods in this game, and the big bad terrifying threat, so... yeah. I better get some respect from you assholes."
"And mountain dew," added Ferni.
"Well, duh. Of course mountain dew. That's what runs my magnificent brain and all. So. Pal. You're faced with the choice between your love and your life. Save him, and pay with ten years off of your life. And you know he doesn't like older men."
Rixe started humming the Jeopardy theme.
Torrin did the musical clicking.
Pal glared at them. "Assholes," he muttered. Then he switched to his character voice. "All that's ever mattered to me is Raven's happiness. If he's alive and happy with someone else... so be it. Let the demons take the ten years. As long as Raven gets to live and be happy."
The entire table erupted in "Whoah"s.
"Roll a D-twenty," said Karel.
"Oh shit," whispered Torrin. "Are we screwed?"
Karel smirked like the inscrutable goddess she was.
"Asshole," said Pal, and rolled anyway. There was a table-wide cheer as it came up as a natural twenty.
"You fucking critically damaged the demons holding you prisoner for..." the dice rolled. "Fucking seventy-eight damage. The purity of your love burns them to ash on the goddamn spot."
"But you've already paid the price. Your hair and beard are streaked with salt and pepper. Your hair is thinning a little on top and your face is wrinkled. Your scars are paler, and you can take two points off your dexterity because arthritis."
"Harsh," said Ferni.
"Time is a bitch and so am I," said Karel. She stretched and folded up her campaign blind. "Time for a break. The pizza should be done and the drinks should be cold."
"And the swearing is turning off once you touch those stairs," said a parental voice from upstairs.
Naturally, that was Rixe's turn to start a torrent of cussing until they actually reached the stairwell.
Honestly. It was the same thing. Every damn night. Pun, pun, goof, pun, pun, sex joke, fart joke, dick joke, pun, and cuss.
But it was such fun all the same.
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