Challenge #01567-D106: Improbably DrivensteemCreated with Sketch.

in fiction •  2 years ago 

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[Person #1]: And you think this will work?
[Person #2]: We have the highest expectations of success.
[Person #1]: Highest expectations?
[Person #2]: Reasonable certainty.
[Person #1]: Reasonable certainty?
[Person #2]: Mild confidence.
[Person #1]: Mild confidence?
[Person #2]: We are drawing lots from a bowl of angry scorpions while ice skating downhill.
[Person #3]: YEAH! WHO'S WITH ME BABY? -- RecklessPrudence

Many a life-threatening adventure has both started and ended with the words, "The human has a plan." Many more have had, "I think I have an idea," as their epitaph. But for the most part, adventures that contain these words of doom can be survivable. Those who survive them often never want to adventure for the rest of their lives[1], but they survive and make a healthy living off their memoirs.

After a time, those species willing to have a human as part of their crew have evolved algorithms for ascertaining the survivability quotient of their human. Phrases like, "I've seen this in a vid," are definite indicators that the human in question may not be as reliable as one who uses, "I've done this before."

But in the case of the Grebnak Incident, the hare-brained scheme actually came from the Grebnaki Second-technician Dalyst'r, who formulated a plan that involved explosives, a counterweight, three long poles, a lot of ductape, and a rubber duck.

"And you think this will work?" said Captain Vrixo.

Second-technician Dalyst'r looked sideways at the crew's human, who was nodding with dangerous vigorousness. "We have the highest expectations of success."

The human was grinning and doing a double-thumbs-up gesture.

"Highest expectations," echoed the Captain, who was no fool.

"Reasonable certainty," corrected Dalyst'r.

Once again, the Captain enquired, and once again, Dalyst'r downgraded the confidence level to, "Mild confidence."

When asked for a third time, Dalyst'r confessed, "We are drawing lots from a bowl of angry scorpions whilst also skating downhill with no brakes on a very steep incline, sir."

At which point, the human could no longer contain themself. "YEAH! WHO'S WITH ME, BABY?"

It's a general rule that anything that makes a human excited should be treated with observation from a safe distance[2]. But since they were in the thick of it... Captain Vrixo turned to the human. "You are the one tasked with all of our safeties."

"Yeah, you'll all be safe. Guaranteed," said the human, who was jiggling in their spot. "I'm the one doing all the fun stuff."

Humans...

[1]: Except for the humans involved.

[2]: The next star system, via expendable cameras, seems to be the minimum recommendation.

[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / frenta]

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