Challenge #01494-D033: Intervention!steemCreated with Sketch.

in #fiction4 years ago


"A superhero chases a villain into a dark warehouse, only to have the doors close behind them. When the lights come on, the hero is surrounded by the full rogues gallery of supervillains. But this isn’t an ambush… It’s an intervention."

(ever see megamind?) -- Gallifreya

The lights came on, and Mighty Man expected a gigantic, hero-defeating trap to be revealed. No such thing. There were comfy chairs. And a throw rug. And a buffet table.

And everyone he had ever fought. Unarmed. Unthreatening. The Gram'ma Nazi had a pot of tea, and was doing nothing more threatening than pouring some. For herself.

"Mighty Man," said Mayor Threat, "This is an intervention. We know you're probably wondering why we banded together and if anything we have here is booby-trapped. And... well... we can't convince you it isn't."

"Make yourself comfortable, dear," said the Gram'ma Nazi. "We are going to be here for some time."

"What the hell's going on?" said Mighty Man.

"We all know you love righting wrongs," said The Prankster. "And to be completely fair, most of us are very wrong, indeed. The thing is..."

Master Arcana stepped forward. "Thou hast destroyed mine grand-daughter's birthday party! I were't merely casting illusions for the entertainment of mine neonates."

"And let's not forget what happened when I tried doing stand-up," said the Prankster. "You wrecked the entire night club."

"I paid for a new one," objected Mighty Man.

Lugubrious Lass sighed and rolled her eyes. "You can't just buy your way out of all your problems, you millionaire maniac. Every single one of us were trying to retire from crime, and then you busted in and busted us up. And everything else around you, too."

"I help support those who are innocent bystanders--"

"Yes, but you're not righting wrongs," insisted the Prankster. "You're writing wrongs." He made a scribbling motion in the air. "Eh? Eh? Gettit?"

"I was baking cookies for the homeless when you trashed my retirement home," objected the Gram'ma Nazi. "They weren't even swastika-shaped."

"I could'a made it as an entertainer," said the Prankster.

"I like doing neonatal celebrations," said Master Arcana.

"And I was finally taking therapy," said Lugubrious Lass. "You know? Instead of using my toxic tears to try and buy happiness? Like you kind'a do?"

"Besides," croaked the Hippie Harridan, "You're harshing everyone's buzz, dig? We've seen, like, the error of our ways. Now it's your turn."

"But," objected Mighty Man. "Evil could spring up at any moment..."

"This part of evil?" Lugubrious Lass made a circle in the air. "We've quit. It's just that you don't know it yet. We're not going to take over Megalopolis and then the world. We're not even taking over our own backyard."

"My hemp's totally legal," said the Hippie Harridan. "And personal use only, dude."

"Yeah. Thanks. Anyway. If evil just happens to spring up if you take a holiday? I'm sure we've got it. You can keep your emergency signalling system and everything."

"Just take a break from our bones," said the Prankster. "We pinkie swear we won't turn evil if you fracture from your routine." He offered his littlest finger. It was not wired to anything.

Mighty Man frowned at them all. "You're up to something..."

Lugubrius Lass flopped into her chair. "This is going to take hours..."

[AN: Of course I've seen Megamind. It's firkin brilliant]

[Image Copyright: stockbroker / 123RF Stock Photo]

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