Future Lost

A Steemit Original

Written Exclusively By

@imaginedragon

Two Part Short Story

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Part Two

Seven years later, our perfect life disintegrated within seconds. It was Ben’s first week of high school. That sweet, intelligent, funny little boy I met 12 years prior, on the beach in Boston, is now going into the last four years, of living at home. Soon, before we want him to, he will be going to college to become his own person, to fly his wings; as I did all those years ago. My thoughts go back to my first day of high school and all the expectation and fear. Ben and I spoke about it and he seemed fine. The friends he had made in school were all going to his high school, there were no new friends to make. Ben said; “Dad chill, it is just another school year, just in a different building.” The rest of the kids were also in school and Molly decided to volunteer at the kids schools instead of going back to work. She choose to volunteer oldest through youngest. Ben’s school was every three weeks. Molly would come home after a day there and express her dismay at the school. Her discord with the school was so great, she convinced me to move Ben, Charlotte, and Henry to a private school.

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Molly had all three children moved before the month ended. To be honest; I wish my all consuming work brain would have let; what I believed a dislike for a few students, teachers, and policies, to allow me to listen to her. My guilt over this will lie upon me until I die and beyond. Molly died in the high school, she moved Ben from. Her life was taken by what she feared for Ben. Our lives were altered and if I had only listened, as that day on the beach. Molly’s death would have been prevented. The duty of protector in the beginning of our relationship, that filled me with such happiness, was pushed aside for ambition. The penalty for that was the loss of my wife.

The week started with the kids all going to their new school. We both went to be part of the memory, to ease the transition. Charlotte and Henry loved the prospect of new friends, new classroom, new everything; they were so excited. Ben, on the other hand, was upset at the prospect of all the new. Ben went to school with the same kids, since we moved here. He was comfortable, he was popular, he had a routine, was settled. He had no desire to start over again. As we walked him to his first class, should I say we walked behind him to his first class, a beautiful girl caught his eye, and let’s just say, when the looks were mutual, his reluctance dissipated. Ben was at home in his new school and the smile on his face; when I got home that night; only confirmed it.

Molly had agreed to volunteer for one more week at Ben’s old school. Ben’s science teacher and she were working on a project together. The decision’s we make that we believe make no difference, but a little inconvenience, could change our life permanently. Those seconds it takes to make the decision, to agree to the decision, is all it takes to end your life, before you even know it.

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The morning started with the alarm raising us all. The day was grim with grey, clouds, and heavy rain; the perfect day for Molly. She loved the rain, she gain so much energy from it. Molly bounced out the door, with such happiness in her. It was her last day volunteering at Ben’s previous school. As we departed, a glance at the calendar revealed the month ahead. Molly would be at the kid’s new school, filled with activities and memories. In her life there was nothing more than our family. She was completely devoted to us and the calendar confirmed it.

My calendar was filled with work, work and work. Since, becoming partner, my work and devotion to my job had only increased. The justification was the ability to provide a wonderful, private school, several vacations per year, the best of everything, life to Molly and the kids. Unfortunately, the lesson that should have been learned from Lilly’s death was not learned.

As our family was starting their day, another was starting his. Noah Wilkes an 11th grader, who had previous mental issues, he was very depressed, heard voices, and believed that the man in his head was helping, protecting him. There was no reason, in his mind, to not believe him. The voice in his told him that the people in his school were evil and needed to die. Noah, was popular, a well liked kid; until the last few months. Noah had withdrawn and was constantly talking to himself; as though he was in a conversation with someone.

Molly had seen him talking to someone, who was not there, and asked the principal. She was told there was nothing they could do. The principal expressed that the school counselor had tried but to no avail. Molly went to the school counselor to find out what exactly had been done. Molly had overheard Noah answering the non-existent man that they were not evil people and he could not kill them. The school counselor explained that she had called Noah’s parents and was quickly dismissed. She had followed up the next day with Department of Family Services. Noah’s parents dismissed her before she got further than the front door. They stated they would take him to their physician and slammed the door. She confirmed he was taken and that the doctor said it was a phase and possible drug induced illusions; a diagnosis that was most likely paid for. These were only a few of the reasons Molly moved our children.

Now we know that Noah would have been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia; if he would have been taking to a physician or psychiatrist. Noah was never taken to either. Alex was more concerned with his bottom line and social standing. All the lives, that day lost, for greed and pride. In my own investigation of Noah, it is very rare for those diagnosed with schizophrenia to be violent. If Noah would have been diagnosed and treated he would have never murdered anyone. Parents need to always be parents; first and foremost, if a choice is made not too, then a choice should be made to not be a parent. The evidence supports through all events similar to this day, the children discarded like trash in the streets, our overwhelmed foster care, that not all people were made to be a good parent.

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Noah’s father was a powerful business man. He owned a computer tech company. Noah was in public school because his father, Alex, believed it would be a better life education; then private school. Alex was also a hunter and loved to detonate bombs in his back yard. Alex grew up with this lifestyle; since birth. Noah loved it as much as his father, from my understanding, was much more advanced, than his father. Two life traits that worked well for him that day, not so well for my wife, 8 teachers, 40 students, and 2 police officers. My wife, the science teacher she devoted her week too, were the first of five to die.

Noah entered the front doors of the school. He went to the office first and Molly was there with several other teachers. Molly died saving two students she shielded with her body. There are days my anger grows at her for that selfless act. One glance at our children and it fades. We both would have prayed, for that, for our own children; for there to be a person who would not hesitate for Ben, Charlotte, or Henry. To be honest, there would be no hesitation on my part either. Molly knew with me the children would be loved, looked after, and safe. Molly knew no matter what she was not leaving that school that day; if she could save one life it was worth it. She saved two.

Noah moved through the school shooting anyone he saw. Most students were wounded. Noah only used two bombs that day and both were in the school parking lot and took no lives. I believe Noah used the bombs to move the students outside the building, as he entered another way, so he could not kill as many. The plan failed, when the bombs went off the students and faculty ran into the school. My theory was dismissed as the police and FBI investigators believed he detonated the bombs to cause the students and faculty to enter or lock down the school and his killing would be easier. This would have been true in my opinion if Noah would not have exited the building, as soon as police arrived, and shot at police, killing two police officers, and being shot himself.

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The high school was approximately 200,000 square feet and he could have moved through it for a long period of time, killing. Noah was an excellent marksman and could have used very few bullets and killed a great number of people. There was no need for him to spray bullets, as for him it would have been a waste. Noah could have drawn out this rampage for hours, instead of 30 minutes. This to me, proved that Noah was fighting his voice and knew this was not what he wanted to do and he wanted the voice to stop. Help was denied or never offered to Noah and the only way he saw, through his distortion, was this horrific act.

Noah’s parents were questioned, charged, and sued. My family was the only family not to sue. No amount of money would bring Molly back or give us peace or closure. Forgiveness of Noah came a few months later, when my investigation was complete; I realized Noah was just as much a victim as Molly. Noah had no say in his life, he was 16 and completely under the care of his parents. Noah did ask a teacher, Mr. Conrad, his math teacher, if hearing voices in his head was normal and if it was, how could he make it stop. He expressed that he should talk to his doctor and parents. He did report it to the Principal, Guidance Counselor, and his parents. Mr. Conrad would ask Noah everyday how he was doing and if he needed anything. Some days Noah would ask for help, by talking, or playing a Chess game, anything to distract him. Mr. Conrad would take time out of his day or find a student to help.

When Noah entered Mr. Conrad’s class room that day, he killed everyone, but the one student and Mr. Conrad. Mr. Conrad committed suicide a year later. His final letter expressed the failure on his part not to stop that day, the guilt of being left alive, the horror of what he witnessed, and the failure he felt for not going to the police. He was also worried how they would have handled Noah; more importantly the retribution from Alex’ father. Mr. Conrad’s wife had a small flower business in town and the Wilkes were her biggest customer.

Molly knew from experience, that life is not guaranteed. She loved her family more than anything in this world. She witnessed events in the school that led her to protect her children; to move them to another school, no matter the amount of protest or anger. She was strong enough not to fold and stay true to what she believed was best. Since, Molly’s murder, I have only fallen more in love with her. The stories that have come from people in our community, the incredible job she has done raising our children, the loving, selfless, magnificent human beings she nurtured are her true statement of her.

The deaths of Lilly and Molly impacted my life in different ways. Lilly was the end of who I was or wanted to be, death was my only salvation. Molly gave me a new life and a new sense of being. Molly did not end my life; she left life behind to carry me on. Our children are extension of ourselves; the better part of us. Through my children I have learned the hardest lesson in life, there is nothing more important; work, friends, status, ego, sex, nothing. Following her death, I tried to maintain the routine from before. Let’s just say, it failed.

After, such a devastating, life altering event, life does not just go on. It dead stops, comes to a crashing, hit a brick wall at 900 miles an hour, halt. The routine you once had, your view, your feelings, your fucking breathing all change. No one and I mean no one, can ever understand or help; who has not walked this path. Trust me, the common feeling of all of us is, we never want you too. We don’t want too.

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The children and I tried to go back to some kind of normal, it failed. There was not normal anymore. That was not going to happen living in the city that had a school mass shooting. The kids needed stability, safety, calm. We moved to an island off the coast of Canada, Quadra Island. It has over 2400 residents all year. I provide legal advice and teach at the local university. We have a modest home; that has a beautiful ocean view. All three children are homeschooled. They had no desire to return to a school building. Whenever, they walked through the door, several weeks after, they had panic attacks, threw up, or just ran back to me. I could not bear it and I removed them. My parents moved with me, as they could not bear to live in the town that allowed this to happen. My parents watched the kids while I worked and I homeschooled when I got home. My hours were pretty laid back I worked maybe 20 hours a week at the college and I had a my legal office in our home. I was pretty much home 24/7.

As the years went on, Ben left and went to college, Charlotte and Henry grew and we tried to move on. The hole left that day was never filled. Every time there was a life event I would think of how Molly would have seen it, be overjoyed by it, how she would have loved and cherished every second. Then my heart breaks all over again. There are those who have said, “She is watching from above.” I guess that is supposed to comfort me, it does not. I have no idea if it is true and to me I believe she is pissed she is not here to hold her babies, to hug them, to guide them. She would not want to be on the sidelines. It has made me understand even more how precious this life is. I do though pray to her every day, I wish it was me.