#75 :You done Good Boy!

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Leonard just stared. The cat flutter jumped upon to the table and meowed stiiiiiinky food.....yes!

The Gawd obliged..pulling a small bowl of stinky food AND a platter of warm chocolate chip cookies from out of nowhere.

He then sat back in his throne, oddly enough this still brought his head about even with Leonard s. This was convenient for conversation.

Leonard sat down in a chair and drank some hot coffee. Absently he nibbled on a cookie. He waited for the other's to speak. He was totally out of his depth here.

The hell-kitten and the Gawd discussed the situation. After the kitten had completed the debriefing the Gawd turned to Leonard and said.

I was serious. You done good boy

Leonard was still a little bit stunned. He nodded then said

Uh...what was all the hoo-raw about earlier. The different voices, the thunder and lightning and all that?

Heh said the God..well it's like this. I'm a Gawd see..or so close it makes no never mind. I have all these worshippers. They need to be entertained or they get restless. It’s a bad idea to let the type of people that worship god to get restless. History is chock full of the results.

Even worse, they might go to some other God, can’t have that. Having other Gods before me is bad ju-ju. I need the ad revenue, so I have to keep original content on my website. Those Christians are getting uppity lately so I needed some pushback. I had all that recorded. Notice the ravens did you, flying cameras. It's on my blog now. You're a hero.

Leonard choked a little A Hero?

Yup...but don't worry about it. It’s a little complex. Mob psychology always is. Lucky for you that all my worshippers...or blog followers...or fans...or whatever you want to call them...are pretty nice people. They wouldn’t bother you if they could. Most of them can’t, being that they are in another plane of existence. They're also a really long distance away...I doubt you'll ever be bothered by them.

Now let's get down to brass tacks. I'm getting a little bit tired of those chicken thieves. I thought Thor and I had whupped their scrawny asses good some time ago. Perhaps it’s time for a repeat performance? I’d rather not do that. It’s tough on the Real Estate. It’d be a shame about the planets.

What are they? asked Leonard .

…. the Gawd launched into a discussion concerning what sounded like the bastard child of religion, psychology and quantum chromodynamics.

He looked at Leonard , whose eyes were glazing and saidahem, You’re not falling asleep on me are you boy? I DO have your attention?

A grin visible through his beard.

Let me try again. Before I try explaining where they came from, let me start off by explaining what all of this is, Odin said quietly.

Leonard had been feeling his eyes glazing over, but now he was paying attention once again. It had been a long day, and even before he arrived here he’d been starting to get a bit tired.

I’m in an alternate universe, right? Leonard asked

How did you figure that out? the Odin asked in surprise.

I read a lot of sci-fi. Leonard Said.

Riiiiiiiiight. Well, about that alternate universe. There are an infinite number of universes. But they are all congruent with each other. Think of transparent paper, suppose that you have 100 sheets of the stuff. And you draw circles of different sizes on different sheets of paper...you draw the circles all over the place...billions of them for each piece of paper. that would represent stars, planets, asteroids and ‘stuff. Different location on each piece of paper. BUT...in the fullness of time the circles move...they tend to line up with the circle on all the other pieces of paper ‘near’ to them. They develop into STACKS.

For example, this planet is about a hundred times the size of your home planet , yet it’s in the same gravity stack

That doesn’t make sense, Leonard interrupted indignantly, the gravity here is the same as it was on Earth. Hell, a planet that large should the gravity should be much greater.

I was just about to get to that, Odin spoke with so much patience in his voice that Leonard felt almost embarrassed. It must have been like speaking to a newborn child.

All the objects in the same gravity stack have the same gravity. It evens out. The Earth doesn’t come anywhere close to being able to generate the amount of gravity that it experiences, the laws of physics smashes that theory to itty little bits. Be glad you have no sun in the same gravity stack ‘near’ you.

But there are,perhaps, an infinite number of planets within your gravity well. Every time a new planet is added, the gravity spikes, increases and remains at the increased level.. Not a lot, unless it’s a massive planet or a star, but even then it’s not noticeable to your race. Although if something like a black hole or a battle between us and the chicken thieves were to open up in your gravity stack, again, you’d notice it. You’d all be smashed into pulps and it’d be extinction level event all over again.

That is a very good reason to be thankful that the inverse square law, or something like it, works trans-universally. It limits the gravity bleed over to a few hundred ‘closest’ universes. the gawd said.

But I’m getting ahead of myself again he admitted.

So you’re saying that this area that the Earth resides in has a gravity stack where all the planets, planetoids, etc. share their gravity and basically add to it? So someone like me could go to a planet like Jupiter, if it existed in my stack, and survive? Leonard said.

No, the extreme atmospheric pressure would kill you. It would be worse than being very, very deep under water. replied the Gawd

What if it was a rocky planet, like this one, rather than a gas giant? asked Leonard

Bright boy said Odin I was hoping you would twig to that. The short answer is that you must be very careful about gas pressures and partial pressures. You’ll either sickened and die from Oxygen toxicity or Nitrogen narcosis. You must be careful if you ever decided to leave the high plains. Guru will assist you

Okay. So, you were going to explain where these chicken thieves came from. said Leonard munching on the last cookie.

Yes. Okay, the portal that you went through is basically an entry to what some have dubbed the Yggdrasil Highway. I think that the term is a bit childish, but Thor, Loki, Baldwin, Heimdahl and the others like it, so we’re stuck with it. Sorry, getting off track again. You try staying on a single subject while being an ancient immortal. he said

Anyways, it’s like this. Many universes ‘rub together’ as it were and wear through in places. There are natural holes or portals. The Yggdrasil Highway loops through all the planets in all the universes in this stack. It’s a complicated mess, easy as hell to get lost. Even easier to get dead the gawd cautioned.

Damn, Leonard growled.

Damned, indeed, the Gawd replied. My niece ,Hell , has a theory but we won’t go into it right now. Now, as to where they came from. We don’t really know. They may be in cohorts with our ancient enemy the Jotuns, but I don’t think so. However the Jotun are not inherently evil as are the Demons so that theory doesn’t exactly fly. We’re not exactly sure about several things.

My Home does NOT have the Yggdrasil highway running thru it. I built it that way on purpose. My home is many millions of light years distant from here. We call this UNIVERSE Asgard, not the Dyson Sphere we live on. We call that Valhalla. Until recently we didn’t have any problems with chicken thieves at the ‘house’....now we do. That annoys a lot of us. the god said.

The Chicken Thieves showed up here on Mesa a few thousand years ago. From here they’ve been using the Yggdrasil highway to spread like rot.

*You call them jihadists in Texas, I do believe the gawd inquired.

Leonard just stared at the Gawd open mouth. Leonard was a veteran of several of those Jihadic wars.

The Gawd grinned at Leonard .Hits kind of close to home now? That brings us back to you. Oddly enough when Guru and Sensei destroyed the Chicken Thieves that kidnapped them they wound up here and on Earth.

Guru perked right up at the news about Sensie..He’s alive? My brother is alive?

Yup...sure is. He’s found himself a Trucker too...and a Texan at that. Must be fate. said the Gawd grinning.

My blog readers eat that kinda thing right up. I’ve had a tremendous increase in ‘hits’ recently. He said.

That is part of why I have allowed Guru to stay with you. You’re going to need all the help that you can get. the god was serious.

Leonard already had his mind set. He was going to do everything he could to kick ass and kick them out of the Yggdrasil Highway loop. That way he could get back home and kick them the hell off of Earth. Bastards.

Good man. Now, I do believe it is time for me to get back home. It has been good talking to you, Leonard . Goodbye. Odin said.

The Rainbow Bridge, Bifrost, shimmered into existence behind the Gawd. Without another word Odin turned and walked through the gates. His entourage went with him. Odin nodded to Heimdall as he passed and.........the whole thing vanished.

Except for cookies. A heaping plate of chocolate chip cookies remained, with coconut and pecans

Guru looked at Leonard. Leonard was just sitting there slack jawed, totally whelmed.

Guru said. He can do that. You or I might need a spaceship or a portal...not him. He has that bridge appear and he goes anywhere he pleases. He could be anywhere, absolutely anywhere right now.

It was a good thing that Leonard was sitting down. All the wind was gone from his sails. It's not everyday that you have coffee with a Gawd. In fact it was the one and only day he'd ever done it...or heard about anyone doing it. He looked at the cat and said...

_What exactly did he mean when he sorta bequeathed you to me? _Leonard asked.

The cat stood up and stretched...folded his wings back flat against his body and walked over to Leonard and crawled into his lap. He means I'm yours big boy....and I can do tricks.

Leonard rolled his eyes and absently stroked the cat. You know...since we're going to be together for a while I think you need a name. I think old whisker called you Guru. What do you think about that?

I think I like it just fine said Guru. Cause that's what I am. I'm your teacher, companion, adviser, and body guard, when I grow up I mean. I'm still a kitten. I mean I can do some of those things now but...

Leonard grinned...yeah,I know.

He stood up and carried Guru back into the War Wagon. Then he and Guru went back to sleep. Guru snuggle tightly that night.
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Next morning Leonard woke up slowly. It was so nice just to lay there in the bunk with his cat curled up against his neck and shoulder.

But all good things must come to an end. Time to get UP! Leonard did so. The war wagon had a really nice kitchen.

Leonard started coffee.

Leonard put his cup under the coffee maker and let it drip right into the cup. When he had a full sixteen ounce cup he put a coffee pot in it's place and transferred himself to the driver's seat. He sat there looking out the windshield...something wasn’t right.

Well...here's another nice mess you've gotten me into...he muttered as he surveyed the alien landscape.

Guru came crawling out of the bunk...he flutter-hopped (how long was he gonna keep that battle rattle on anyway?) toward the smell of coffee. He sat in front of Leonard and mimed begging. Leonard laughed, relented and held the cup while Guru took a swig.

Guru shivered with delight and curled up against Leonard. From then on they alternated drinking from the same cup....until the sun had finally rose above the haze and it was full on morning..

Well little buddy, we’ve got it straight from Gawd Leonard said and guru winced...guru was not and never would be as irreverent to the might-as-damn-well-be omnipotent, might-as-damn-well-be deities as Leonard was. Guru thought the gods deserved a little respect.

Not Leonard, noooo. Leonard was an unrepentant Texan, he was contrary to the bone, it was in his blood. Guru felt sure that one day he’d see Leonard spit in the eye of the devil. He thought about it a second, in fact that sounded kinda fun, he wanted to be there and help maybe, he shivered and listened to Leonard lay out the plan for the day.

So if I got it straight...the big guy with the beard is the boss gawd? Guru shivered a bit again. Texans were SO disrespectful.

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#76 :Death of a Friend
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#74:Woke up..AGAIN!
First Episode
# 1 : In the beginning…

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