Part 60: RUINED HIS WHOLE DAY

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RUINED HIS WHOLE DAY

We were stopped at a light waiting to turn into the consignee’s driveway

“Mert..sptz...meowrrrr.” Bubba said.

“Whazamatter you?” I replied.

“Pfttt!” he said.

I looked into the rearview screen. There was a cop car right on the bumper of our trailer. The one that we were dropping here.

“They won’t bother us. We haven't done anything wrong.“ I said

“Mewowrrr” he said.

“I’m afraid the furball is correct“ Gretchen stated “The Cop’s acting very suspicious. He’s directly behind us. “

“Purely a coincidence.” I said. “There’s probably a donut shop ahead”

The light turned, we pulled ahead, made the turn and we were inside a walled compound, the cop followed us in and the gate clanged shut behind us.

“Fart” I said, Yup…they’d closed the gate ”Crap.”

“Rrrrrowrr...” Bubba agreed.

“Whooo...oooooo?” Maverick had to put his two cents in.

“Oh come on boys.“ Gretchen chided.”It can’t be that bad.”

Wrong.

I checked my cameras. The cop, a big old fat guy, came walking up to my window. I could tell he was going to be trouble by the way he was strutting. Arrogant prick.

I rolled down the window, looked down at him and said.
“How may I help you officer?”

He replied. I couldn’t understand the first thing he said. He didn’t speak Texan.

“I’m sorry…I can’t understand you”. I replied.

He was patient and tolerant and knew JUST how to handle a foreigner who didn’t understand his language. He started shouting.

“He said you weren’t wearing your seat belt” Gretchen said “I dialed into Google Translate. He wants you to step out of the truck.”

“That makes it even worse.” I said. “I can hear you and you can hear him, sure, and you can tell me what he said in here. But no way can I talk to him. I can’t wrap my tongue around that kind of language. Once I get out of the truck then what?’

“Take your smokestick.” Gretchen said. “ I can use it to talk through. Pretend it’s an electronic translation device.”

“Um, I’m not sure about this” I said. “Something stinks”

The cop was yelling again. He sounded angry.

“You’d better do something” Gretchen said. “He’s making threats.”

“Ok..Ok…gimme that stick” I opened the door. “Bubba...you and Maverick stay out of sight..no need spooking them.”

I climbed down, the cop had backed away and went back to his car. I could hear him yelling into a radio. Imagine that, they still had radio’s over here. I stood around waiting for him. It was a mite chilly being winter and us not too far from a glacier. I’m glad I had on my duster. It was was down past my knees to my ankles. He couldn’t see my legs. Maybe he wouldn’t notice my feet.

When he got closer I held the cane up toward him like I would a microphone. Gretchen spoke from it’s little speaker.

“What seems to be the trouble officer?” she said that she said, if google was to be believed.

“You weren’t wearing a seatbelt in the truck. It’s the law. You must wear seat belt.” He said, puffing up like a toad.

“The cab is filled with DampFog” I said/ the cane said. “I don’t need a seat belt.”

“Listen wise guy.” The cop was getting belligerent. “I don’t give a damn if the inside of your truck is damp. It’s winter. What can you expect?”

“You don’t understand Officer” I said/the cane head said “It’s a damper fog.”

“Are you deaf or just stupid?” he was really getting agitated.

“You Fid” I said/ the cane head said.

“I what?” he was frothing at the mouth now. He was actually spitting.

“U.F.I.D” I repeated/ the cane head repeated. “Utility Fog Inertial Damping. The cab is filled with inertial damping fog. It’s much, much better than a seat belt. It’s the ultimate in crash protection. Don’t tell me you’ve never heard of it.”

“You’re in no position to be telling me what to do Infidel Yankee.” He sputtered. “You broke the law. I’m writing you a ticket. Get your log book, your truck registration, your International Commercial Driver’s license, your Medical Card, Your Insurance policy, Your Cargo Manifest and Your Passport. Bring them to my cruiser. I’m tired of standing out here in the cold.” he turned around and left.

“I guess he told YOU huh?” said Gretchen. “Do you have all that stuff?”

“Nope, never heard of most of it.” I said. “We quit doing that in Texas years ago. I’ll go talk to him.”

I walked up beside his patrol car and squatted down so we’d be head to head. That was one good thing about these artificial legs Gretchen had re-made for me. They didn’t get tired. I could roost there all night. Except for the cold.

“Officer…I don’t have all that stuff. I’ve never heard of most of it. We don’t need all that on the Bridge.” I said.

“Listen Infidel” he said. “You’re not on the Bridge. You’re here. In my town.”

“I’m going to drop a trailer in your town. That last one. Right here. ” I said. “Don’t you have a 3 Klick load radius exemption? “

“ You are twenty meters outside the exemption radius.” He grinned. “ I expected you to say that. Hands up.”

He pulled a gun on me.

Things escalated quickly after that. Armed men appeared out of nowhere. Big holes vaporized in the tarp covering the Bloody Mary from the inside. Mary had decided it was a hijack. She began burning holes in the men with the guns

“HIJACK!!” Gretchen says calmly, over the bone-phone. She begins to unleash holy hell of her own. She’s got bigger lasers. She doesn’t just poke holes in gunmen, she turns them to plasma.

Bubba jumped out the truck window, followed by Maverick. The two of them begin acting as a team, slice and dice. The ground runs red with blood.

I was helping. I was doing my part.

My smoke pole flashed to BattleAx mode. The cop lost his head.

Something crashes into me from behind.

Lights out.

To Be Continued
The Next Episode is
Part 61: WOMEN!
The Previous episode was
Part 59: We spent all the next day at the Woodland Zoo.…
the first episode was
Part 1 : Winter Storm

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@everittdmickey
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I write
SPECULATIVE FICTION
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