Part 49: Inconceivable

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I leaned back in my easy chair. I just collapsed. Bubba jumped and landed on my belly, muttering to himself when he landed.

I did’t say much, I couldn’t. Bubba had damn near knocked the wind out of me. That cat is HEAVY. When I regained my composure, and my breath, I said to myself.

“Self? You got a Parlor Panther in you lap, talking to himself out loud” I absently patted Bubba “Shush, don’t use those kind of words, you’re too young to be cussing like that. That’s my job…leave it up to me.”

A cat landing on my belly and knocking the air out of me was familiar thing, not inconceivable, but tentacles? Tentacles were not familiar.

Were they conceivable?

I watched intently as the tentacles began removing items from the refrigerator, the cupboard, and operating the oven. Tentacles running a kitchen was a bit out of my experience. It had my FULL attention.

“You were saying” I said. “About what you are I mean”

“Exactly right. ‘You’ or ‘I’ and not ‘we’ . Thank you for the pronoun problem fixing. I was thinking ‘we” earlier. I’m no more a ‘we’ than you are a ‘we’..after all, you have millions of brain cells. I have millions of nano-bots. Same thing.” the voice, definitely female, said, sounding better by the minute. She continued fixing grub.”Steak you say?”

“Yeah, A steak. Make it a big one. I’m starving. Medium well done. Hand me a beer would ya?“ I asked. Steak definitely beat a sammich.

“Sure thing,.... here.” the truck replied.…Suddenly a beer was flying thru the air toward my head, moving pretty fast too.

Absently I plucked it out of the air, with my left hand. Un-possible, again. I only need one more and that’d be three impossible things before breakfast, er, lunch. I ain’t nowhere NEAR that co-ordinated, not on my best day, and yet? Naw, put it OUT of my mind, deal with the other two impossible things first before breakfast, er, lunch.

“Now cut that out !” I said. “It’s gonna spew all over if I open it now. Beer is delicate…like a woman’s….er…I mean…Beer is delicate. It must be handled gently.”

I sat the can of beer on the floor beside my chair. “Get me another one and hand it to me this time... please? If you would be more gentle this time?”

Somewhat subdued apparently, a tentacle did just that. I popped the top and sat back, ”Ok, now talk. ‘Who art thou that I should be mindful of you? More so than those topless darlings I mean”

I nodded toward the hacienda across the lot.

The tentacles kind of stopped what they were doing for a moment. Somewhere there must have been an eyebrow raised.

“Oh, I get it, “ She said ”I didn’t get the reference until I googled it. That must have been humor? ”

“Yeah, you seemed kinda tense so I was trying to lighten the mood, now talk. You doing pretty good for a waitress” I said. “Even if you’re not topless.”

The holographic figure became topless,

“How’s that?” she asked.

I examined her critically. “Hmmm, not bad. Humans only have one set though.”

It changed, now she looked like a human cat and not a cat cat, for some values of mammary glands...nice, big, high round ones too.

She then proceeded to explain to me how the cow ate the cabbage, in great detail, in stereo sound. There was a holographic presentation, also lucid dreaming. It was better than powerpoint. This was experiential 3D. Full sensory virtual reality. Complete with narration. When it was over I looked her square in the, er, camera, and said. “Will you marry me?”

She giggled. “Silly boy, that’s what I’ve been trying to TELL you, We’ve been there, we’ve done that, in the hospital already. It’s a done deal. Now how do you want your eggs?”

To Be Continued
The Next Episode is
Part 50: Leave the driving to me.…
The Previous episode was
Part 48: Incoming Call…
the first episode was
Part 1 : Winter Storm

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@everittdmickey
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