The Preachers Son ''Part 1 and 2''
Class-Nursery 1
“God make dem ring bell na, see i as my belle dey sing worship song” i said in my mind. It was my first day in school and i was giving a plate of rice and full egg(for the first time then) to take to school. “gling, gling, gling” yeah! The class screamed, time for wacking(it means eating, dats my nickname sef, but dats a story for another day).
“Dis chicken sweet o, abeg cut for me na abeg” i said stupidly. Before i knew!!“pha” a slap landed on my i woke up with a huge chicken in my mind or so i taught.“chai thank God o see as dream and e come to pass, but why this meat dey smell na” lo and behold my chicken meat had turned into a dirty socks in my mouth.
“Na who mess this kind smelly mess”my dad asked as we were watching tv that evening. I being the culprit used my number 6 brain to quickly bring a solution. “mommy!! My aunty show us one style to catch person who mess o”
I quickly got up and started saying while pointing at everyone except me. “who mess na dogo, dogo say na teacher, teacher say don worry na my class children mess am, puss puss puss” i landed it on my younger brother’s head and i was happy, i did a great brain work:D . “Oya get up make we pray and off that T.v” my dad commanded. I reluctantly got up and off the T.v because i was watching my favourite cartoon, ‘tom and jerry’.
“Oya uduak(my tribal name) stand up you are sleeping” my sh arp eye father caught me, ‘na why this man sabi catch only me na i angryly said in my mind’.I dont know if my dad eyes is a sleep dectating machine nor do i know why i always sleep during prayer period abi na devil dey come knock me, according to naija films or so i taught.
“maybe he dont like me because am praying in my stomach” i taught. Finally the long prayer came to an end and we all were ask to go and sleep, that was when my eyes clear and i remembered my tom and jerry.
“Oboy wait for me no chop that mango make i piss” i told my brother who was walking with a plate of mango. After offloading the piss in an imaginary bush i wanted go to where my brother was but my clothes felt like i was in River Benue, i was afraid and then i woke up. “chai i don piss for bed o, daddy don tear my yan.sh”
I quickly got up and change my clothes and i shifted my brother to my side and quickly laid down in dry side. “oya wake up lets go and pray” my dad voice woke us all up. “uduak who piss na” my brother asked i looked at him with fear in my heart because my dad said anytime i ever piss again i would be taken for delivarance.
My delivarance was not only prayers type but also with sweet koboko(horse whip) which i dreaded most. So i had to think of a way to avoid early morning beatings.When i was arrainged before the court of my father i was ask, “na who piss” “no be me o”i lied.
“ehm na mosquito being dey bite me for yan.sh so i pull am to change another one” i told the first stupid lie that got to my head. “oya go bring the knicker make i see am” That was the moment i dreaded most but i had no choice but to bring it. “So as big as you are you are still pissing on the bed” my dad querried!! “So the time you were my age u no dey piss for bed also”, i wish i said that.
Aftet collecting my strokes of cane and bashing i was asked to fast that morning because its because of my sins am still pissing on the bed when my younger ones are not. “so which time pissing on bed come be sin nw” i intended shouting back but i held my mouth shut to avoid stories that touch.:D That was how my journey to deliverance started, a trip i wished i never went. If only i knew what kama had in plan for me!!!
“Arababababa shalomakotosha” the pastor spoke in toungues, abi its his father language i cared less to know. The only thing on my mind was on how i would solve the problem of my stomach. “come out you spirit” the pastor screamed while holding my head and shaking it like a palm tree. “if my head break eh! I swear you go born another son for my papa” i swore.
Then an idea entered my mind, i started shouting Amen and shaking like am catching cold. I then started pissing on the ground there. And then i fell down with a smile on my face. “Ma this is the last piss your son will ever piss on the bed again” the pastor said looking at me lieing like a corspe on the ground with urine round me.
I smiled and thought “pastor you think say your prayer fit stop my piss abi you think say you don tie my pr.ick with spiritual wire! Make i go house na!! The next morning……,“Chai my yansh o, na who slap me na”i said angryly. My dad was looking at me furiously. “so you have piss on the bed again, you wil cry this morning”, “I talk am na, that pastor no fit catch me, i dey ghost mode” i foolishly commented.
“if you no come inside now we go close the door o” my sister said. We were watching a movie title “End of the wicked by helen apkabio”. The film was so devilish with a lot of wicthcraft scences in it, which caused me to always run outside when that part was shown caused i was so afraid and thought that i would see the wicthes if i entered dark room.
We lived in a two storey apartment with our fellow missionary brethrens in a surburb of Jos, Plateau state. My dad and mom were out and we were in our neighbours house watching a movie.“uduak” my mother screamed,
The film i watched earlier was still having an effect on me. I was dead scared and was afraid to go there alone. Then i saw my neigbours daughter janet!! “Abeg Janet come escourt me go kicthen na” i begged. “Ok na make we go” Not knowing it would lead to another thing.
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