Today Again: An Original Novel for steemit by dreemit- Prologue (part 1 of 2)

To see what this book is about (the back of the book blurb) check out my introduction [here]
(https://steemit.com/fiction/@dreemit/introduction-to-an-original-novel-for-steemit-by-dreemit-coming-soon-today-again)
To read part 2 of the prologue click here

Prologue (Part 1 of 2)

Lissa sighed, wishing she was one of those people who dropped off to sleep the moment their head hit the pillow. Instead, no matter how physically exhausted she was, her mind would always take a good hour to wind down. And in that time she was almost always plagued with thoughts of the past, especially of Caleb. She wondered where he was now, what his life had become. She knew she could probably find out, it was ‘the age of information at your fingertips’ after all, but she was afraid to. A coward then and a coward now, she thought sadly. She’d lost years to the escape that drugs provided, and though she’d dragged herself out of that destructive pattern for the most part the allure was still there, especially on nights like this when the guilt crept up to choke her. As usual she would go back to that day at the barn, the last day they’d ever spent together. She had mentioned the imminent return to school and watched as he’d frowned….

“I take it you’re not looking forward to it,” she stated, a wry smile playing on her lips. She watched as his cobalt eyes darted away from her, revealing his feelings on the matter more than anything he could say. She swallowed hard suddenly, immediately squashing the errant thought that went through her mind as her gaze landed on his lips. She didn’t know what was wrong with her lately. Yeah he was good-looking, but he was like her brother for Christ’s sakes she should not be noticing him in that way, it was sick. She even referred to him as her brother when she was with her friends and they’d all accepted her relationship with him based solely on that fact. Otherwise she would not be able to acknowledge him without being ridiculed for it. As it was she knew they talked behind her back, expressing fake sympathy on how she’d been “stuck” with someone like him.

She watched him thumb through the things on their shelving feeling a familiar surge of protective anger at the assortment of barbs made about him by the people of her acquaintance. So what if he got suspended from school for fighting or smoking or cutting class? It’s not as if her friends hadn’t been guilty of the same offenses at one time or another, they just got away with it because they were involved in sports or other educationally approved activities. And so what if he’d barely passed the last couple of years, she knew for a fact that the reason for this was his neglect of homework since his test scores were nearly perfect. He just didn’t see the point in doing work he already knew, he thought it was bullshit and she agreed. Well secretly she agreed. She was far too cowardly to state these opinions out loud.

He turned toward her holding a large tattered book, a ghost of a smile on his face. She laughed and nodded and he came over, plopping down beside her and opening the book so it rested on both of them. It was a scrap book of sorts, filled with pieces of their lives. Newspaper clippings, pictures, an arrowhead, unusual stones, journal entries-all kinds of things littered the heavy binder. They’d started it about a year after she and her mom had come to live with him and his dad. They’d been diligent about adding to it when they were younger, but the last couple of years had become a bit sparse. In fact this was the first time they’d looked at it since last summer.

“We need more material,” she stated.

He nodded slightly as he slowly turned the pages.

“Why are you being so quiet?” She demanded.

He turned toward her and a look came over his face that made her stomach plummet into her toes. Her eyes inadvertently dropped to his lips and got stuck there. Suddenly the book was on the floor and his mouth was on hers, she was completely stunned and sat frozen as his tongue invaded her parted lips, his hands coming up into her hair. He stopped suddenly, pulling back. The spell broke and she jumped to her feet, backing away from him, her eyes wide as a look of pain and guilt filled his face.

“What was that?” She demanded, her voice high. “What the hell is wrong with you, I’m your sister!”

He shook his head, “No you’re not, Lissa come on, we don’t share blood…

“I don’t care!” She shouted, propelled by fear and confusion, “I don’t care!” She repeated, then turned and ran blindly to the ladder, wanting out of there before the tears that had sprang to her eyes began rolling down her face.

Just like that long ago day the tears began, as they always did when she tormented herself with the memory. Especially of what came next.

“Wow, your brother has seriously gone off the deep end,” Carol stated as she surveyed her newly manicured nails.

A stab of pain drove into her and she had to force her expression to remain neutral. “Yeah, so I’ve been hearing. He doesn’t come home much, which is totally fine with me.” She clenched her teeth against the bile that rose to her throat on the heels of the lie.

“I’m sure,” Carol nodded her voice dripping with exaggerated sympathy, “I would be so embarrassed if it was my brother…” her eyes widened as she caught the fleeting look of pain on Lissa’s face, “Oh, I totally didn’t mean it that way, it’s not your fault he’s such a loser!”

Lissa nodded and stood, averting her face as her teeth clenched harder, grinding together slightly.

“Don’t be upset,” Carol pleaded.

Her ‘apologetic’ tone further frayed Lissa’s threadbare nerves. She forced herself to respond brightly. “I’m not upset, but I’ve gotta meet Brett in a few minutes, so I’ll call you later.”

“’Kay ‘kay,” Carol sang as Lissa strode away.

As soon as she turned the corner that took her out of the cafeteria she stopped and took a deep breath. Her eyes burned. Oh shit, she thought, I cannot cry here. She made her way quickly to the restroom and once inside a stall she sat on the seat and leaned forward putting her head in her lap and hugging her knees. She fought for breath but it hurt. She stopped fighting and let the dam break, a sob escaping her throat before she clapped her hand over her mouth. The tears poured out then, reminding her of her mad dash back to the house through the pouring rain eight months ago. The last time she’d spoken to him. I’m sorry Caleb, she thought desperately, brokenly. So sorry, so fucking sorry. Oh God she’d handled it so badly. Cruelly. Telling her friends….why the hell had she done that? Because she was afraid of her own feelings. She’d been afraid she was a freak for sharing an attraction she was certain was wrong. But instead of facing it she had run straight to her girlfriends and painted him as a sick creep. It hadn’t taken long for her to regret it. She’d hurt him so badly and he hated her for it. Not that she blamed him, God no. She hated herself. The look of utter betrayal in his eyes when the first poisoned darts had been thrown by her friends…she’d known then how badly she’d fucked up. Had known but had not had the courage to do anything about it. Weak. Coward. That’s what she was.
And now…now he was spending his time in the houses of junkies. Smoking and popping and shooting his way to oblivion. If he passed this year she’d be shocked and if he didn’t drop out the next…all her fault. She had to do something. Had to.

She pushed her way through a throng of people, squinting her eyes in order to see through a haze of smoke. She had to find him. Once she did….she had no idea what she was going to say or do, she just knew she had to find him, had to try and talk to him, to apologize.

Fifteen minutes later she located him sitting on a couch in the middle of a large room which was also filled with both people and smoke. Every kind of drug on the market was being done here if she was deciphering both the lingo and the method of usage correctly. Until this moment the only drug she’d ever been exposed to besides alcohol had been pot, so it was a learning experience. She’d had no idea there were so many different ways you could shuttle chemicals into your body. And as far as the effects, well judging by what she saw they were even more varied.

She stood still for a few seconds, taking him in. He was sprawled out, his long legs stretched out in front of him, one arm slung behind him, his other resting beside him as his fingers drummed out the beat of the music. His eyes were half-closed and his head was moving slightly to the same beat as his hand. He didn’t appear to notice her so she forced herself to close the distance, sitting down beside his drumming hand. After a few more seconds it was obvious that he still wasn’t aware of her presence so she took a deep breath and placed a hand over his. He moved his head in her direction in what seemed like slow motion.

She bit her lip as his eyes focused on her face and one brow drew up, a slight smile playing across his lips. “Well, well,” he said silkily, “what do we have here?”

His lids were still hooded, his whole demeanor relaxed, and somehow those things were in complete odds with his voice which rang out clear despite how quietly he spoke. A chill ran up and down her back and her mouth dried up making it impossible to answer. She swallowed hard and stared at their hands. He hadn’t moved his, had barely moved at all after he’d turned his head. Very slowly she folded her fingers over his, trying to come up with something, anything to say.
For a moment they sat there, neither of them speaking or moving, then suddenly he jerked upright, pulling from her slight grip.
“
Hey Jones! Bring me that pipe!” He called out.

She tracked the movements of a guy several years their senior as he moved toward them, his face pale and pock marked. Jones put something in Caleb’s hand and he pulled a baggie from his pocket, sprinkling the contents into the glass. He turned towards her and held it out, one brow lifting slightly in question.
“
What is it?” She managed to force out.

He smiled. “A little bit of magic.”

She eyed it warily and started to shake her head.

“Well, if you won’t share with me the peace’m pipe, than I suspect we’ve got nothing to say to each other.” He started to stand and she grabbed his arm.

“Okay.”

He sank back down and she took the proffered pipe and brought it to her lips. He lit it for her and she sucked, making a face at the sweet taste that assaulted her tongue. Unlike pot the smoke didn’t make her cough, but she still felt a burn as a stream of it came out of her throat.

He grinned as he took it from her and took his own drag. And then it hit her. Suddenly the room was vivid with colors and a smile broke across her face as a feeling of euphoria washed over her.

“Ohhh,” she said.

“Yeahhh,” he smiled, pulling her hand off her lap and bringing it to his lips. “Life is beautiful, isn’t it?” he whispered after planting a soft kiss on her fingers.

She nodded, eyes slightly wide. “What was it?” She asked softly.

“I told you, magic.”

“That’s what it’s called?”

He laughed softly, “Yeah.”

She focused on him, her smile fading a little as she vaguely recalled her reason for being here. “I came to tell you something.”

He cocked his head to the side.

She blinked several times, the pull of oblivion almost too strong to ignore. “I have to tell you….sorry. So sorry.”

He dropped her hand and draped an arm around her, pulling her close. “It’s okay,” he whispered, “all is good.”

She turned her face up to look at him and all the beauty of the world was reflected in his hair, his eyes, the line of his jaw.

“I wanted you too,” she found herself saying, “I wanted you too.”

He caressed her cheek and ran a thumb over her bottom lip. “Did you?”

She nodded slowly, her body alive with senses she hadn’t realized she had. She stared into the depths of his stunning grey irises and the rest of the world melted away. It was just his touch and his eyes. She found herself leaning towards him and his lips were on hers, soft, questioning, then more insistent until she opened for him and got lost. She was vaguely aware of his hands running through her hair and pulling her closer, of climbing into his lap and wrapping her own arms around his shoulders and grasping his neck, of lips and teeth and tongue and breath, most of all breath. Her breath, his breath, they were one and the same as she sank and sank….

“Oh. My. God.”

He broke the kiss and she turned toward the voice, her head almost lolling, her eyes trying to focus.

“What in the hell did you do to her! Bretttt!!! Over here!”

“Lissa, fuck!”

She felt someone grabbing a hold of her and pulling her away and she blinked rapidly trying to make sense of the rude interruption.

“What did you give her you fucking prick!” A male voice growled.

“I told you she was feeling badly about him, I knew she was going to be stupid and try and talk to him!” A female voice shrilled.

She felt herself being ushered away, the two voices talking angrily back and forth, and she wasn’t able to do anything but let them, she felt numb and detached and vaguely disappointed. Her vision blurred even further and she was swept up by a feeling of falling and falling and falling….

When her eyes reopened it was as if she was fighting through glue.

“Oh thank God!” Carol bleated, her freckled face almost comical in its expression of relief. “Brett! She’s coming around!”

She brought a hand to her eyes and rubbed gently until she could open them up wider. Carol’s house. Living room. Brett came into view and she felt a slight pull of relief herself as she noted his concerned expression was a good deal more sincere then her so-called best friend’s. How she could tell she had no idea since she’d never noticed before, but she could tell.

“Are you okay?” He asked gently.

“I think so,” she whispered. “What happened?”

She watched as he and Carol exchanged glances before he responded, “We were hoping you could tell us.”

She felt her brows furrow as she tried to recall….oh yeah. She’d gone to find Caleb. Had found him…and…and…it all hit her in a rush and she squeezed her eyes shut feeling Brett’s arms go around her a second later, pulling her into him. She clung, but refused to open her eyes. Oh God. She’d kissed him. Cheated on Brett with….she clung tighter as a wave of dizziness and nausea assaulted her. What the hell had she smoked?

“It’s okay,” Brett was saying, “you’re okay.”

“What did he give her?” Carol chimed in, “did you see how she looked? What the hell did he give her? Do you think he slipped it in her drink?”

“Yes,” she blurted.

Carol shut up and she winced inwardly. Yes?? Shit.

“Tell us what happened,” Carol said more gently when she didn’t offer anything else.

She cracked her eyes opened. “I don’t know. Well…I went there to find him. I had to. I know that he’s…but he’s like my brother, I grew up with him, I care about him…” she stopped for a moment as a voice screamed in her head. Screamed for her to stop, to just shut the fuck up. But the voice faded away and the silence of expectation replaced it and she kept right on talking.

Lissa turned over on her side in bed and stared at the wall trying desperately to banish the memories. Failing. As usual, she had to play it out until its bitter conclusion.

I hope you enjoyed part one of the setup to Today Again, a novel written for steemit by dreemit. Stay tuned for part two of the prologue, coming tomorrow.