Laughter is the Worst Medicine, Part 1

This is a continuation of Laughter is the Best Medicine. We first meet Reizo, and onmyoji who laments his life's lack of wonder. (The first draft is written, so new parts should be up every two days or so.)

Taira no Reizo, a Tenth Rank Traveling onmyoji, sat at his desk in the Ministry of Onmyodo. It had been a frustrating day already, and he hadn't eaten lunch yet. At breakfast, his wife Suki complained about something Reizo hadn't had time to do. When he arrived at the Ministry, Fifth Rank Fujiwara cornered him for a good hour. Reizo nodded and made appropriate noises. The man was so self absorbed that he never realized Reizo ignored him. Reizo wanted nothing to do with whatever schemes the obnoxious and overbearing Fifth Rank onmyoji had. Reizo was loyal to Ministry Head Fujiwara no Yoshimitsu.

As he sat ruminating on his unsatisfying day, a page from the Ministry of Law delivered a letter. Reizo took it and dropped it into a basket with several other ignored letters. He began the paperwork for the last four days. His activities included making up explanations for activity that was not kami or Kitsune related, one needed curse removal, and collecting small fees for his services. Ministry Head Fujiwara had no work for him, it was all official Ministry tasks. Fujiwara’s work was always interesting and never involved paperwork.

Last winter, Fujiwara told him, “I’ve heard rumors, Taira, rumors of two villages dying suddenly. Any survivors are mad, but from what other onmyoji pieced together, the villagers drown. They cough, cough, cough, until they drown. But both of these villages are more than a day’s travel from The Capital, and we have more pressing matters at home.”

Reizo knew what he would say before Fujiwara said, “Taira, keep an ear out. It is probably rumors, or exaggeration, or a country shakedown, or bandits. The Capital can’t support every countryside refugee, nor can we farm here. One of the villages, Big Fork, is supposed to be a Kitsune village. That’s a strange target for a rumor.” He pointed to the map on the wall with notes all over it.

Suki had grown up near Big Fork. After the last snow melted in the spring, she got a letter from her father stating everyone in Big Fork and Hot Springs had vanished, but the farmers were still alive. Merchants charged double to travel to those farm lands now, and Suki’s father (an assistant to the Governor) begged the Ministry of Onmyodo to investigate, or pay for Merchant Guild guards.

Out of loyalty to Reizo, Ministry Head Fujiwara authorized money for guards. After that, the reports stopped. This confirmed their suspicions the whole thing was a country shake down. Reizo was born in The Capital and relieved Ministry Head Fujiwara had not sent him to the barely civilized outlands.

Reizo’s mind wandered further, anything to procrastinate paperwork. When he was young, he thought that onmyoji had wondrous adventures. Then Imperial University bored him for two years. If someone had told him about the paperwork, his fellow onmyoji’s schemes, and the awful feeling when there was nothing he could do, he would have become a scribe instead of an onmyoji.

Everyone in The Capital thought all their problems were caused by angry kami or Kitsune. This was case about half the time, but Reizo and Ministry Head Fujiwara were the only onmyoji who saw kami. The other onmyoji carefully wrote spells on Ofuda, and people were relieved that their problems were solved. The Ministry of Onmyodo and its onmyoji inspired awe and fear where ever their yellow robes appeared.

There was little wonder and too much paperwork in Reizo’s life. The curse removal two days ago and “the lucky spirit” at his family’s granary were welcome exceptions. This summer his mother commented that the mice hadn’t eaten much rice. She attributed this to a lucky spirit. Reizo had seen lucky spirits, but what were the odds that one would live in an onmyoji’s granary? No, it always happened to widows with children, or honest merchants, or basically anyone but him.

He went to his family's granary in the sparsely populated northwestern quarter of The Capital and quickly solved the mystery of bountiful rice. Behind the full rice sacks, instead of a pile of empties, were two rice sack beds coated in red fur. Holes in the granary’s walls let in light by the beds. The holes were low, so young Kitsune hunted mice here. What they were doing out of Fur Town was a mystery, but they provided a great service.

He laughed all the way back to Mother’s. Finally! Something wondrous happened to me. Those two Kitsune haven’t caused trouble yet, what a scandal if they did! It would damage both the Taira family’s and the Ministry’s reputations.

“Mother, you were right, a good luck spirit lives in the granary! To keep it happy, tell the servants to ring this bell as they approach, and then again when they leave.” He handed her a bell.

Reizo realized he’d been lost in thought for quite some time. He pushed the paperwork aside and looked at the basket where the Law letter lay. There were two open letters below it. Reizo picked them both up. They were reports for all Traveling Onmyoji, the onmyoji who protected The Capital from kami and Kitsune. We are called Traveling onmyoji because we leave the Ministry. The kami around the desks of the Diviners and Calendar Makers recognize them because they sit there all day, every day. Kami normally have no memories, but of course the kami blind onmyoji can’t appreciate them. Reizo took a moment to savor the irony.

One was his letter detailing the curse removal. The second one was new.

At West Market, a Friendly Kitsune made himself look like a young woman, then a child dressed in rags. The Kitsune “sold” bags of sticks made to look like rice. No panic, everyone laughed.

Long before he was born, many peasant women were accused of being Kitsune. They were beaten and hanged so often that women stopped leaving their houses. Without maids, laundresses, and all the other jobs that women did, The Capital was squalid. The Ministry of Onmyodo “explained” to The Capital that all Kitsune were men. The explanation was ridiculous but everyone believed it, and Kitsune sightings vanished. Even today’s onmyoji believe Kitsune are all men because they’re kami blind. Where do they think Kitsune come from? Reizo wondered. A young Kitsune selling “rice” at West Market. I don’t want to think about the implications.

Finally he opened the Law letter, and dread filled his stomach as he read the poorly written letter.

We have captured one or two Kitsune. We captured him at the bathhouse on Sixth Street when he returned to peek at the women some more. Earlier today, he’d sold dirt to two young girls and called it incense. He was using tricks to look like a young girl. We threw him in the stone cell, but he walked through the wall and escaped. He looked like a young girl when we threw him back in the stone cell. There might be two Kitsune, or he might be using his tricks. Please send an onmyoji quickly.

Two young Kitsune. If these are the two who’ve been in our granary, it will be trouble for the Taira family and the Ministry! Reizo grabbed his yellow robe, but before he could leave, Ministry Head Fujiwara summoned him.

Picture by Daphne Zaras - http://www.nssl.noaa.gov/headlines/dszpics.htmlOriginally uploaded at en.wikipedia; description page is/was here., Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=2130165