The Jewel

chinyerevivian (66)in #fiction • 6 years ago

So, I decided to do something a bit different today, and that is sharing two stories, one written from the other. Basically, I have two stories for you. The original and the rewritten version of it. It’s like working with a prompt but a bit different. This is more intense and a little bit difficult if you must stay within the plot. In this however, I worked out of the plot and let the story lead me. I still maintained some of the key aspects though. I hope you enjoy them.

The original version:

Ikenna sat, staring at his laptop. The light from it illuminated the dark study. Shifting restlessly in his chair, he fingered a glass filled with Amber Comfort, a brandy he had come to love. It seemed the brandy was his only faithful friend. Recalling how he made his money, he gave a wistful sigh. He worked for the Derindes, a powerful crime family controlling lucrative and highly illegal concerns all over the country. He was key member of the organisation, seeing to the inner workings of the crime syndicate. That was years ago, before he decided he had made enough money off them. He had disappeared and changed his name, knowing he would be discovered, but not before stealing the famed Derinde Jewel, a 200 carat, rare yellow diamond, set on a 15 carat with a gold chain.

Frowning, he glanced at the Rolex in his wrist and returned his gaze to his laptop’s screen. He was monitoring a highly illegal trading website, specially created for discreet transactions amongst jewel thieves, accessible only to the most accomplished criminals. He was lucky in finances, but terribly unlucky in love, and he believed karma had something to do with it. He used to be a criminal, a murderer, but he had moved on and turned a new leaf, reappearing with a new face and persona; a rich business man turned philanthropist. Still he attracted the worst kind of females, crooks he had to shake off his wealthy butt.

He remembered Chinwe, the beautiful one with the prettiest eyes. He had recognised her ambition in just a few days. Being a thief himself, it wasn’t that hard. Then there was Alicia, the love of his life. His heart still clenched thinking of her. He loved her, trusted his finances with her, but she broke his heart. He had discovered she was stealing from him, not just his money but his secret and most valued possession; the Derinde Jewel.

The bidding on the finest jewels had begun. He had allowed his two lovers the luxury of catching a glimpse of it at different times. He was waiting for the result of his ultimate test. He was sure they would begin tentative plans for the details if they had plans to steal it.

Lifting the drink to his mouth, his eyes lit as new entries filtered into the bidding website. He died a slow dead as he saw the two perfect descriptions of the Derinde Jewel, followed by interested responses. Disappointed, he gulped down his drink. He knew it was time to leave the country. The Derindes wouldn’t be far behind now that the necklace was out. They had been able to keep the jewel away from criminals after it was originally stolen from a foreign museum by their pioneer. That contributed to the reputation of their power and invulnerability, until he came along. He still had a bounty on his head.

For a brief moment, he allowed himself to feel pity for his two lovers. He knew the Derindes would trace them down. Leaving them high and dry was a favour compared to the Derindes “full treatment.” He quickly logged off and hurried out of his study, smiling.

Now, here is a different story I wrote from it.

Timi sat on the bed and stared at his laptop. The light from it gave a little bright contrast to the dark hotel room. Fingering a glass of brandy he poured a while ago, he frowned. The online auction had begun and it wasn’t going exactly as he expected. The auction was supposed to be accessible to only the most powerful in the business, twelve people at most. He took a sip from the class and shifted restlessly. Six biddings in five minutes was never a good sign. Gulping down the last content of the glass, he scrolled down to the end of the page and clicked on bid. He stood then and walked to the window. The street below was pitch dark, lonely and quiet. He had chosen the hotel because of its reputation for secrecy and keeping its customers safe. After working for the crime syndicate for eight years, he had moved on and changed his name, against the rules. He knew the consequences would be severe if he got caught, but he wanted out and had been keeping his head down ever since.

He turned and stared at the figure sleeping soundly on the bed. Of all the women he came across over his years as a criminal, Kayla was his favourite. He never had the heart to leave her behind when he pulled from the organisation. She tugged at his heart. He hoped everything would go as planned or he would have to leave her for good. He still had a bounty on his head and he knew his enemies would track him down through her.

The movement on the screen caught his attention. Three people just joined the bidding and he was still leading. He glanced at his wrist watch, fifteen more minutes and he would have the key to the mystery door. The Alades had hidden the jewel – a 200 carat rare white diamond, set on a 15 carat with gold chain, for so many years. Now they were willing to sell. No one had ever seen it. Not that he minded. The key would give him access not only to the door, but also to the room itself. He would have to discover for himself. He clicked on final bid and waited. Two minutes, he logged out and shut down the laptop. He had won.

Smiling, he walked to the closest and brought out a bag he hid earlier. A fake room service would come up any minute with his prize.

"What’s going on?" Kayla moved lazily on the bed.

"I have to go. I’ll be back before the day is over."

"Now?" she was fully awake, one elbow propped under her chin.

"Yes, I’ll come back for you. Promise," he kissed her lightly on the forehead.

Darkness was beginning to give way for the morning rays when he hit the street. He walked fast, his bag clasped tightly in his left hand. A marked taxi crawled to a stop in front of him. The driver flashed his ID and nodded. He climbed in.

The house was deserted. He followed a narrow path to the back where the mystery door was located. He slid in the key. The lock turned twice and clicked. The door eased open. He stepped inside. The room was dark.

"Relax," he murmured to himself while trying to adjust his eyes to the blackness of the room. Something moved at a far end, by his right. He turned. It was Dante, his partner in the syndicate.

"You scared me, man. What are doing in here?"

"Hello, Timi. Long time no see," Dante smirked. He had a butcher’s knief, about the height of a five year old in one hand and a gun in the other.

"What’s up with that?" Timi gestured at the knife.

"Look around."

The room was filled with human skulls and bones. Some hung on the wall, some scattered on the floor.

"Where’s the jewel?"

"Oh, my dear Timi. You never learn, do you? Do you really believe you can walk away from us just like that?"

It was beginning to make sense. He had walked into a trap. The jewel never existed and the Alades were a lie. He should have known. He had to keep Dante talking if he wanted to get out alive.

"What are you saying?" he glanced around for a possible exit.

"There’s no escape, Timi. Your time is up," Dante advanced towards him, dragging the knife on the floor. "Say your last prayers."

Timi rushed towards the door, but this time, there was no door. The opening he walked through had turned into a solid wall.

"This is what happens when you try to be smart. All these bones belong to those who tried to run," he raised the knife. "Problem is, they always end up here."

The last thing Timi heard was Dante's laughter as he fell into oblivion.

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