More brilliance!
You take the mundane and surprise us with a fresh twist:

No longer would I have to worry about unpaid bills and having the house explode from beneath our feet because the kid was a firebug who couldn't properly light a candle.

and this - "Famous Last Words," right? He is SO gonna find her!

It was over. I was leaving. And he would never find me.

What a great line this is:

I don't think it had ever creaked before. Maybe Joey had been swinging on this one too at some point.

Again, because you jolt us from the mundane (paying bills, creaking door) to the crazy antics Joey does.

The final image (and the words): SUPERLATIVE!!!!!