Inhuman Conspiracy BEGINS HERE : chapter 0 : scene 1 : post 1
Dear reader, welcome to 'Inhuman Conspiracy,' a cross-genre work of my imagination. Wild fantasy, action thriller, young adult, light horror and erotica, with a pinch of sci-fi and humor...
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Thanks!
I like the idea of marine creatures suddenly changing their behaviours and am curious about what might make that happen. In the first paragraph he thinks he is being stalked but there are shrieks in the forest around him. Is he being stalked or pursued? Stalked kind of makes me think it would be a stealthy pursuit. Just a thought. Also, assuming the rider is our protagonist (a bit of an assumption at this point, so take this with a grain of salt) it would be good to establish who he is earlier. Right now he is ultra mysterious and while I enjoy starting in the middle of the action, his motivations are still unclear by the end of this piece and as a reader it helps me care more if I know a bit more about what "we" are doing in chapter 1. Feel free to ignore. Just some thoughts. I'm keen to read on. Onward!
Thanks, This is perfect feedback. Very helpful.
I’ve fixed the stalked/pursued issue.
The viewpoint character in this scene is the novel’s main antagonist. His motivations are deliberately mysterious as his story is a ‘slow reveal.’ I have no idea how to move the reader closer to this character without moving the character himself towards the reader and spoiling about 100 surprises the reader is in for down the road. If you have any ideas, let me know!
Hmm that makes sense. I think I should read ahead more before I try to come up with any ideas. But I'm really happy to give feedback (not sure I can help with this particular problem as I've never handled this situation before myself). I will keep reading and see if anything occurs to me.
"two skinless shapes peeked out.." man this is one of my favorite sentences of all time haha. you killed it with this one buddy. keep up your great work
Hey @chiefmappster, it’s truly uplifting for me to hear how my macabre lines are bringing great joy to my fellow Steemians :-)
Followed! :) And frankly, I'm intrigued. What happened later?
Thanks @vickaboleyn, I appreciate it. By now you know what happened, I take it :-)