Hi @imwatsi. Another @minnowmentor thought for you here. I love the fact that you are posting regularly. You really do seem to enjoy getting in with your writing, poetry and fiction.

So here's the thing for me. I'd be encouraging you to bring this some personal context....maybe a bit at the end explaining WHY you chose to write this stuff? Especially as this is quite a deep piece. Viceral in fact.

Is this story part of something else? What is your outcome for the audience, what is it that you are trying to leave them with? What states of being? Is there a message to take away. For me these aren't clear, and I would strongly encourage you to put them in your posts.