The Alienbutt Saga, Book 1. War of the Coffee Bean. Part 38.

CHAPTER 16
A Quest Revealed.

INTERSTELLAR NEWS CHANNEL 9 NEWS FLASH

As news continues to come in of a defeat for the Federation’s new navy in the Dagnabbit System, the role of the Senate has been called into question during this time of war. The new Senate Security Council has implemented new powers so they can better wage the war against the Ick traitors and their allies. The Security Council will now have direct control over security issues while the Senate deal with the day to day running of the Federation. The Coffee Houses have been granted two representatives on the Security Council so that distribution of the bean can better be implemented and protected. The new ten-strong Council are expected to announce new measures to prevent the escalation of hostilities, as some outlying systems show signs of showing limited support for the Ick rebels.

In the aftermath of the battle, more refugees flooded into the Dagnabbit system to take refuge, protected by the last of the Ick Navy. All who were able were set to work salvaging anything usable from the battlefield, as most of the main production facilities had been destroyed to prevent them being captured as the enemy had overrun them. The Federation had retreated back to the edge of Ick space as they had lost almost all their robotic forces and over half their battle cruisers. Now they seemed content to blockade Ick space while they awaited fresh orders. The only route into Ick space was through Ashia Minor which was being held open by Duke Ramboe and his bounty hunters, aided by Cyborgpirate, who had been found alive in the wreckage of his ship, and Killashandra’s Fo’c’sle squadrons. Here regular skirmishes would take place as resources were smuggled to the Ick.
Almost two weeks after the battle, Alienbutt returned to Dagnabbit after patrolling the borders of Ick controlled space, and received a request to see Snoodgrass. After ensuring his squadron had all docked and the crews were billeted, Alienbutt headed over to the command station where Snoodgrass was based. He used one of the little runarounds that acted as shuttles around the makeshift encampment above the planet. Alienbutt noticed that Admiral Frederick’s dreadnought was also docked at the command station. As soon as he docked, he was escorted up to Snoodgrass’s private office.
As he entered the room, Snoodgrass jumped up from his chair, grinning. “At last, Piestoff. I was starting to think you would never get back.”
“We ran into a Federation patrol as we started back, so had to convince them to bugger off back to where they came from,” replied Alienbutt as he wandered over to where Frederick held a bottle of whiskey out for him.
“Wickede is alive!” Snoodgrass continued excitedly. “He managed to engage the F.T.L. drive just before the torpedoes hit his ship.”
Piestoff fumbled the bottle of whiskey, almost dropping it. Recovering his grip on the bottle he took a long drink, and then stared at the two grinning Ick commanders.
“Let me sit down and then explain what you’re on about, and what the hell is a F.T.L. drive?” said a shocked Piestoff, already heading for the nearest chair. How could his friend be alive?
All three sat down and Snoodgrass tried to get a grip on his excitement but failed.
“Frederick picked up one of our spy probes out in the Outer System that intercepted a message from Wickede. Send Alienbutt, F.T.L. working. Only myself, Wickede and a rather bizarre scientist who was aboard Wickede’s ship with him know of the F.T.L. drive. The message is from Wickede and he needs you to get him back.”
Piestoff looked at the two commanders and took another long drink from the whiskey bottle before responding.
“Why did he ask for me in particular? Why not ask for any other ship and captain?”
“Since the battle, the Book of Ick has revealed some more information to us. Using that and information from the spy probe, we have been able to work out roughly where Wickede is. The problem is, a conventional ship can't reach him. We need you to pilot a ship equipped with an F.T.L. drive to bring him back.”
“What the hell is an F.T.L. drive, Snoodgrass, and how did Wickede end up so far out?” asked Piestoff, already knowing he wouldn’t like the answer.

Snoodgrass took a deep breath and finally managed to partly get a grip on his excitement and stop grinning like an idiot. “The F.T.L. drive was invented by a scientist working for us, Frank T. L. It’s a revolutionary new propulsion system which Wickede was testing when we were ambushed. I’ve got his research, and now we are building one for the rescue mission. It works by somehow folding and shrinking space and then flying through the middle of it, covering vast distances in seconds. It works on a similar premise to his Hyper Jump, but rather than just transporting people or organic matter over the vast distances of space it can move whole ships, or so we think.” Snoodgrass said the last part with uncertainty. “We’re not totally sure how it works, to be honest, but we can build one.”
“Look Alienbutt, Snoodgrass has had the finest brains we have left working on this and they are baffled by the Professor’s work. All we know is it worked for Wickede, but now he’s stuck God knows where, and only you have a chance of getting him back. The ship will be ready within a couple of days. We have the co-ordinates and we need you to fly it and...” Frederick paused, looking embarrassed, then he finished, “provide the fuel booster.”
Piestoff looked confused, and then Snoodgrass told him of the fuel additive needed to make the drive work. In a universe where strange and stupid things kept happening to him, Alienbutt had just found a new number one strange and stupid thing to crown his life so far. No wonder he drank so much, he thought.
His entire people and home world had been destroyed by the ramblings of two mad men thousands of years before. All that to prevent Piestoff from farting while connected to a ship’s engines, designed by a mad scientist, to save the leader of the Ick and find a cure for coffee addiction. Either the whole universe was totally insane, or he was so crazy that he needed locking up for his own protection.
Piestoff drained what was left of the whiskey, then got up and walked over to where Snoodgrass kept the drinks and drained another bottle as the two Ick leaders watched in silence.
“I’ll be in my quarters until the ship’s ready.” With that he walked out.
The two leaders sat and looked at each other. “He took it quite well, didn’t he?” asked Frederick.
“He only drank two of the three bottles of whiskey I had in my office so I tend to agree,” replied Snoodgrass.

To be continued.
Thanks for reading, all images are mine.