The Alienbutt Saga, Book 1. War of the Coffee Bean. Part 35.

Geurick Tackful had worked for the Coffee Houses since he was a young boy. Handpicked by the Order of SpaceMasons to be taught the secrets of the Book, he had excelled and became the youngest of their hunters, the military arm of the order, in its history. Now he was their best active hunter, but even he was surprised when he got the summons for a personal meeting with the President of the Grand Order of the Bean, the organisation behind the Coffee Houses. The security surrounding the location of the meeting had been tight. Only a handful of people knew the true identity of their leader so as Geurick was ushered into the darkened room he felt apprehension for the first time in many years. Ahead of him he could just make out the shadowy form of a man sat behind a large table, so he concentrated on his other senses. He could smell the rich aroma of coffee, but behind that smell an almost cheesy smell. From outside the room no noise filtered in and the only light was from a dim lamp off to his left.
“You are the hunter.” It wasn’t a question needing a reply but a statement. Geurick picked out slight movement and heard the crunching of someone eating. “We have received a transmission offering us the whereabouts of Blackarachnia and Nifty the Niffler in return for certain equipment. We believe this to be a fair trade and wish for it to proceed without any problems. When you leave here you will be given the details of the trade with this new player, a being using the name of Mr. Fluffy. Your task is to find the two traitors and bring them in to our custody or destroy them. Mr. Fluffy may prove useful again, so he is to be given what he asks for.”
Geurick could have jumped for joy, but settled for a slight smile; finally he was being given the chance to test his skills against Blackarachnia. Soon he would show that it was he and not the bounty hunter who was the most deadly in the universe. His entire career was put in the shade by the bounty hunter. It was Blackarachnia who got the accolades and respect while Geurick was in his shadow, always seen as second best. Now he could prove who the better killer was. As he turned to leave the room he pinpointed the cheesy smell. It was the smell of the cheesy snack known as cheese puffs. Not sure what to make of that he put his discovery to one side, too eager to begin his planning to kill Blackarachnia.

CHAPTER 15.
Dagnabbit or Bust.

INTERSTELLAR NEWS CHANNEL 9 NEWS FLASH

The Federation Navy are expected to announce victory over the rebel Ick forces later today as they deploy a superior fleet against the remnants of the forces hiding in the Dagnabbit System. After a string of smashing victories the mood amongst the Federation forces is high and they do not foresee any problems mopping up the last of the traitors. The Federal Navy has the most advanced ships ever assembled and the robotic support units will ensure that the loss of life will be kept to a minimum amongst the crews. Once victory is achieved it is expected that the navies will concentrate on protecting the trade routes and help bring about a golden age of peace to the universe.

Alienbutt sat in the pilot’s chair of his frigate. Behind him was arrayed a squadron of thirty frigates that he still couldn’t understand how he had become commander of. To his left were the squadrons of Killashandra, Grommit and Cyborgpirate, a total of one hundred and twenty ships that would be the first to meet the advancing Federation fleet. Each of the new Fo’c’sle squadrons had painted emblems onto their ships’ hulls to identify which squadron they now belonged to. Cyborgpirate’s had adopted a skull and crossbones while Grommit’s had chosen a large black cross. Killashandra’s ships were all adorned with a tartan thistle. Much to Alienbutt's embarrassment, the Ick under his command had chosen a flaming kebab on a green shield as their emblem. Their battle plans were simple; they were to stay hidden and allow the advancing fleet to pass them by and then hit them from behind as they entered the Dagnabbit System. Their best reports said the enemy fleet numbered around two thousand five hundred of the battle cruisers and around another thousand troop and support vessels. They had orders to stay behind the advancing fleet as Snoodgrass had some surprises waiting before he would launch the dreadnoughts and Ick fighters, and he didn’t want the Fo’c’sle to spoil them.

They had been sitting for a few hours waiting for the signal to start the attack run, so Alienbutt had ordered half a dozen bottles of whiskey to be placed next to his chair, and sat absently sipping them, the result of which made him hungry, so he ordered a couple of large kebabs brought up from the kitchen.
As a crew member carried the kebabs over to him the closed circuit fleet radio crackled to life. “O.K. everyone, let’s get ready. The Federation fleet is entering the target area.”
Alienbutt shook his head in disbelief and then swore. He opened up the communication to reply to Grommit. “Look Grommit, can you give us at least ten minutes, my kebabs have just arrived.” He took the plate and thanked the crew member for bringing them with a nod.
“Alienbutt! Let me get this right, we’re about to fight the largest space battle in history and you’re asking us to put it on hold so you can eat your kebabs? Just let me ask the Federation to stop for a bit or if they could reschedule for tomorrow maybe?” Grommit’s voice was caught half way between outrage and amusement, but then other voices came over the radio giving their support to allow the kebabs to be eaten first.
Grommit smiled to herself. Without even realising it Alienbutt had broken the tension that had been building as they had watched the massive Federation fleet go past. The Fo’c’sle was the best, but even so the tension of waiting would be telling.
“You’ve got two minutes for the kebabs, Alienbutt and another one minute to finish off that whiskey I know you’re drinking. Now let’s have some order, we’re supposed to be professionals,” Grommit replied, trying to sound serious.
“I’ve got a spare kebab if you want to nip over, Grommit. I’ll even light a few candles and make it all romantic, and promise not to tell anyone if you can’t resist my charms and snog me again.”
Grommit’s response was short, abusive and drowned out half way through by cheers and lewd comments that came over the radio.

To be continued.
Thanks for reading, all images are mine.