The Alienbutt Saga, Book 1. War of the Coffee Bean. Part 22.

CHAPTER 9
The Bounty Hunter.

INTERSTELLAR NEWS CHANNEL 9 NEWS FLASH
The E.D.F. have released the name of the leader of an extremist group thought to be responsible for attacks on coffee installations. General Jee, commander of the E.D.F. forces protecting the inner systems revealed that the group’s leader, known as Trobus Trebius, is a known anti-Federation activist and is considered dangerous and could turn violent if cornered. A kill on sight order has been given in the light of increased attacks on the coffee distribution system over the last year.

The planet was a dust ball, hot and dry with constant sandstorms as the hot winds whipped up the sand to deposit it somewhere else for want of anything better to do with it. Yet even here life survived. The planet’s location in the backwaters of the Outer Systems made it perfect for the type of business that didn’t need people poking their noses into what was happening. In giant natural subterranean caves, farm factories grew illegal coffee using ultra violet lighting and state of the art irrigation. The beans were then ground down and mixed with various chemicals to produce C.C. or Crack Coffee. It had all the highs of regular coffee but with extra added hallucinations and total addiction. On the positive side, it cured you of regular coffee addiction. That was because it scrambled your brain to the point that someone who had a full frontal lobotomy would seem smart. Addicts were referred to as zombies and the drug was known as the zombie maker by law enforcement agencies. Non-addicts were at a loss as to why people would even try the drug, as within ten or so hits you would be a mindless zombie unable to function, and unless you had support would starve or be killed as you went on a rampage of mindless violence, but the problem was getting worse as the coffee bean shortage continued.

This dust ball planet was the largest producer of the drug in the universe, totalling fifty percent of the supply, but over the last week all production had stopped, and all attempts to make contact with the farmers based there had failed, so a group of very serious muscle had been dispatched with the crime boss De' Mac ‘the ears' Gweebles to find out why. Gweebles now stood in the last of the great caverns, looking at the destroyed equipment and burnt crops. Every farm was in the same condition; droids destroyed and the farmers all missing. He knew this was no rival gang, as there wasn’t a rival gang; he was the only producer of Crack Coffee in the universe. The Senate and law enforcement were all paid off to leave him alone. Even the Coffee Houses had given him his first plants to start him off. Sure there was a bounty on him and his operation, but it was so small that no hunter would ever try to claim it. It would be a death sentence to attack his operation.
Gweebles walked into the laboratory followed by two of his henchmen. In here the computers and other equipment had all been destroyed. Always a calm and thoughtful criminal, he had made his wealth and reputation by never openly reacting to things, but this was now being tested to the extreme. As he turned to leave he saw something out of place. Walking over, he picked up a half empty whiskey bottle. Next to it was a red sticky substance that had melted the table’s plastic covering.
There came a muffled noise from outside. The two henchmen looked to Gweebles, awaiting orders. He sighed to himself. Big, muscled and ultra-violent but as thick as Sky Whale droppings.
“Go check it out, you morons.”
Both moved to the door and after a moment of colliding into each other, trying to get through at once, decided on the order they were going to go through it. For the second of the henchmen this proved important, as he managed to stay conscious for an extra couple of seconds, or to put it another way, just long enough to draw an extra breath. So he saw his attacker through a strange green haze, but only for a split second.

Gweebles stood in the laboratory waiting for his men to return, growing angrier the longer it took them. Finally he heard the door open and looked up, an angry outburst at the ready for their delay. He saw a strangely dressed figure stood in the doorway and his words stayed unspoken.
“Dead or alive it says on the warrant, Gweebles, your choice.”
De'Mac ‘the ears' Gweebles didn’t really choose to die; he chose to try and draw his gun, but the result was the same for him. The figure in the doorway walked over to the dead crime lord, reached over the body and picked up the whiskey bottle.
“I was wondering where I'd left this.” He took a large drink then raised his wrist to speak into his com. link. “One to beam up.”
“Right you are, Alienbutt, I’ll put a couple of fresh kebabs on for you,” answered a voice over the com. link.
“Need a shower first. I got sand in some tender places, and with these butt-plugs in I’m rubbed red raw. Can you ask the Doc if he has any cream?”

It had been almost a year since the battle at Crazy Droid. In those months much had changed, and Piestoff found himself on his own again. He sat in his office aboard the Frigate given him by Wickede, it was based on the Ick dreadnought, and at under one hundred feet, it was half the size, yet packed almost the same fire power. At first the frigates had been used exclusively as Wickede and other top ranking Icks personal starships, but Alienbutt’s piloting of Wickede’s stolen one had shown their worth as a fast agile warship, so they had gone into large scale production with an improved weapons array for the Ick navies and to a limited number of trusted bounty hunters.

He had just received a message from Killashandra who had taken a commission in the Fo’c’sle. She was one of a number of new officers being trained by the Fo’c’sle second in command, Grommit. The rest of the Ladies’ Darts Team had been settled within the Ick Empire and were living lives of luxury. Claire had taken Poodles with her to live on a vast sprawling country estate. Life on a starship was too confining for the Mutthound and both Claire and Poodles had seemed happy with the plan for him to go stay planet side. Killashandra had been bursting to tell Piestoff that she was being singled out for promotion within the Fo’c’sle already. She had taken to the life of a mercenary starship officer within the unit and was already choosing her captain’s uniform.

Blackarachnia and Nifty had set off on a tour of the Inner Systems. Piestoff received regular messages from them as they travelled on an extended honeymoon following their marriage, days after the battle at Crazy Droid. The two had announced that they would be gone a while but would stay in regular contact. As things had gone quiet for the time being it probably would be the only time they would get to spend time alone before trouble started again.

Wickede and Snoodgrass had returned to the Ick home world and were making plans after the events of the battle. The loss of the next generation dreadnought project had thrown their planning into disarray, especially in light of the losses they had suffered. The foretold war was about to start, and despite careful planning, they had just been shown they were not ready. The rushing into service of the new frigates would ease problems, but the Ick navies would be under strength.

To be continued.
Thanks for reading.
All images are mine.