The Alienbutt Saga, Book 1. War of the Coffee Bean. Part 12.

CHAPTER 4
I got Coffee Beans.

INTERSTELLAR NEWS CHANNEL 9 NEWS FLASH

Today the Federation Senate handed over all essential security details for the inner systems to the Earth Defence Forces, after a string of corruption scandals has rocked the Federation Police Force as illegal coffee bean trading became the number one crime in the universe. General Jee, commander in chief of the E.D.F. announced the hiring of Ick navies to supplement their forces in keeping order in the outer systems. The Ick, along with the humans, seem to be the only species immune to the effects of coffee addiction. As unrest and rioting continues to spread, it is hoped that those not affected can help keep stability and peace during this crisis. Now over four hundred home world governments have announced they are struggling to keep order since rationing was introduced. Withdrawal symptoms vary from an addict getting the shakes, to extreme rage and violence, which has resulted in large scale rioting and many deaths in the worst civil unrest recorded.

Nifty was still fuming, she knew that she had been tricked by that bloody Alienbutt, working out the plan with Blackarachnia and Wickede. The trouble was, their plan made too much sense in an Alienbutt logic sort of way, so she knew it was his idea. Wickede had stated what was needed; someone to go spy on the suspected base of the unknown enemy posing as a trader. They needed someone who wasn’t known, which counted out all but herself and Piestoff. How could people skills learnt dealing with drunks from his years taxi driving be the deciding factor in sending him rather than her? And how dare Blackarachnia say she was too hot headed! She would make his life hell until Piestoff returned, and then she would turn her attention to Piestoff and let him know just how angry she was with him, too. She walked into the docking hangar where an old interstellar trading craft they had managed to get from a nearby colony was being refitted. Piestoff had inspected the loading of his cargo, a great deal of spices and frozen meat, as he would pose as a spice trader looking for new flavours for kebab recipes. Also hidden in secret compartments were large amounts of coffee beans, a commodity worth more than credits in these outer regions. Only Piestoff could come up with such a stupid cover story, a story so ridiculously stupid you had to believe it. She stood staring at her childhood friend in disbelief. He was dressed in an even more stupid fashion than the story he had concocted. He still had on his 'lucky' red boots, but now wore a black strip leather kilt over a codpiece that she didn’t want to know how he had come by. The finishing touch was a black, battered, full length leather coat he had stolen from Blackarachnia’s wardrobe, worn over an old string vest. The coat was far too long for him and trailed on the floor even though he wore the high heels. He turned and saw Nifty and waved her over.
“How do I look? Ensign Fashion helped me choose the outfit,” He shouted, a large grin on his face.
“Do you want me to be honest?” she snapped as she walked over. “You look like a right idiot, which you’re proving yourself to be, doing this.”
After a few moments scowling at his grinning face she cracked and smiled at him. Why could she never stay mad at the stupid fat-arsed fool?
“I packed a couple of bottles of Blackarachnia’s best whiskey in your medical kit.” She gave him a quick hug then stepped back. “You stay safe.”
With that she turned and left as she saw Blackarachnia begin to walk over. She would stay mad with him for a while longer and by ignoring him he would have to come to her so she could tell him to go away.
Blackarachnia walked up behind Alienbutt. “How long will she stay mad at us, do you think?”
“For us doing this? A good while, but she should forgive us in ten years or so.” He turned to his friend. “Let’s get this started before I see sense and change my mind.”
Wickede stood waiting by the ship, a worried look on his face. “Don’t worry Wickede. If I’m to find you in the future and stand with you at the end, I can’t die before I do that.” He grinned as Wickede’s expression turned to thoughtful, then Wickede too smiled at the logic of Alienbutt's statement.
“Let’s hope you’re right, Piestoff. Just stay safe and don’t take any stupid chances.” Wickede said.

Piestoff turned and walked up the ramp, hit the button to close the doors and headed for the cockpit. He couldn’t believe he was being so stupid. He knew he could fly a ship better than most, but this was pushing things. Something in him had changed when he heard of how his whole species had been wiped out just to try and kill him. He had spent years alone because of them, and even now, surrounded by friends, he still felt strangely empty. empty. Snoodgrass’s words still rang in his ears; pretend to be a brave hero and people will see one. He wanted to flush out this enemy and then kill them, and from what Wickede had told him these were the first steps to the war foretold over two thousand years ago.
As he walked into the cockpit he saw Poodles lying asleep behind the pilot’s chair. “What the hell are you doing here, dog?” Said Piestoff.
Poodles woke and turned his head to stare at the pilot’s chair then back at Piestoff.
“OK, let’s go then, but no crying to me when we wind up dead.”

Thanks for reading, all images are my own work.