The Alienbutt Saga book 1. War of the Coffee Bean

A dream of the future or a future plan?

THE BIT BEFORE THE INTRODUCTION, THE THINGYWHATSITCALLED.

It is said on many worlds that Fate is a fickle sod, and to a degree this is right. A more accurate statement would be that Fate has a short attention span and is often distracted by other events. This results in Destiny having his work cut out covering up for his sister’s little mess ups. Destiny didn’t mind too much as Fate was fun to hang out with, and for the strait-laced Destiny she was the rebellious younger sibling that you just had to love.

Every few thousand years Fate and Destiny had to get together and work out the future so the rest of the family such as Hope, Dreams and Fashion had a plan to work towards. Destiny loved these working lunches as Fate would take him into the real universe and show him how the mortals lived. For a few hours he got to see real life. On this occasion Fate was taking him to something called a Viking Mead Festival, on a strange little planet called Earth. They would get to try the main pastime of the primitive people who lived there of drinking, while the two of them planned the next two thousand years or so of the future. Destiny thought it sounded like a good idea as it seemed many important people had drinks at important business lunches the universe over. Being creatures that lived outside the normal rules of space and time they could visit any world and past event that had happened on that world. Only the future was off limits as that hadn’t happened yet. Fate tended to enjoy visiting this planet of little use known as Earth by the developed monkeys that lived there, as they tended to have the best parties. So for their working lunch they were to be the guests of Thane Torbjorn the Troll killer in the Norse lands of Scandinavia.
Now he knew better, drink was bad. It made you do strange things like dance on tables and sing lewd songs about what a She-troll keeps under her thong. He had just read the script they had written and couldn’t believe it. Fate still lay sleeping off the drink while Destiny nursed what he had discovered was known as a hangover. He removed a conical helmet from his head that had two polished horns attached. Torbjorn had shown him how to unscrew the horns so you would never be without a drinking horn even in the middle of a battle, which seemed to be the second favorite pastime of these people.
Torbjorn had proved to be a great host and helped as they had planned the future, adding some great battle ideas. The giant serpents that destroyed worlds had been scrapped, but only as they couldn’t work them into the story. Two opposing prophecies had already been sent out; the future was written and set in motion.

They would never hear the last of this; the others would bring it up at every get together over the next, well, forever really. They had turned the golden age of universal peace and unity into a drug crazed drunken war zone.

But the worst thing, he realized as he had reread the script this morning, was they had missed someone out of the future. He had no fate or destiny written. He was a nexus that would twist their drunken planning and re-form the future into unplanned chaos. Destiny could only hope he lived out a simple life and died young so no one noticed, or all their drunken planning would go right out the window. Then again he was only one being out of hundreds of thousands of billions that they had remembered to add. What harm could he do? Just in case, he sent out a consciousness to the prophecies so they would only reveal things at the correct time and he could rewrite them and repair any damage the nexus may cause, so they would still make sense. It would mean a lot of extra work doing rewrites for him but what else could he do? He just hoped the rest of the family didn’t find out about this nexus or they would be bound to interfere just to tweak his nose and laugh at him even more. Chance and Dream were his biggest concern as they would love to get him into trouble with the Boss so they could take over his job of sorting out the future. What sort of Universe would you have if dreams came true and million to one chances worked?
With a shrug Destiny picked up the half-drunk jug of mead and took a drink. Too late to worry now; it was all in the lap of the mortals. This habit of drinking might be bad but he was quite enjoying it and Thane Torbjorn had invited him back for another party that night. He looked down at his sombre black cassock and wondered if he should try something a little more colourful for the party. He dismissed going to Fashion for advice on what to wear, as he still hadn't lived down the time he had agreed to let Fashion do a make-over on him and ended up in bright red boots and a gem encrusted codpiece. They hadn't spoken for aeons afterwards and he knew his strange little brother was still upset at the things he had said to him after he had burnt the outfit before even letting the rest of the family see it.

Welcome to my SciFi saga pre introdution, it does feature religion, fate, destiny and fake news but is mainly just an action adventure comedy space opera.
Published in 2012 by Gingernut Books I hope you read and enjoy.
All Images are by me and my own artwork.